Fuzzy Bats

A few nights ago my fiancée and I were doing our grocery shopping.  While in the parking lot we paused for a bit of conversation and she saw something curious: A giant bat fall from the sky and slam into the asphalt.

We got out to investigate and found it wasn’t a giant bat…it was two small bats who were connected to each other.  They were mating.  Never having seen a pair of mating bats, we stopped to watch in a strangely voyeuristic fashion.

We watched the bat on top, presumably the male, feverishly pounding the bat on bottom, presumably the female, all while biting her back and pulling on her eyes, ears, and jaw.  And after a few moments we came the same natural conclusion, “I wonder what bats feel like when you pet them?”

We squared off on either sides of the mating bats and watched them even more closely and I offered to let my fiancée pet the one on top.  She fretted over it, “I don’t know how clean bats are.”

“I have hand sanitizer in the van,” I assured, “Plus we can wash our hands once we get inside, if you want.”

“What if he bites?” she continued to fret, pulling her hand back just before making contact.

“I don’t think he even realizes we’re here,” I admitted, “But I’ll go first, just in case.”

I reached out slowly, careful not to startle the creatures, and ran my finger down the top bat’s head and back.  Amazed by the feeling, I exclaimed, “He’s fuzzy!  It’s like petting velvet!”

Unable to hold back any longer, my fiancée reached out and rubbed his head as well, “Oh my god…bats are so soft and fuzzy; you’re right, its like they’re coated in velvet.”

We each petted him a few more times, to which he gave no response other than to continue to viciously ravish the female bat underneath him, before deciding to let him finish his business.

We rubbed our hands down in sanitizer then went into the grocery store, walking away with a new request from my loving fiancée, “Can we get a pet bat?”

I was at a loss, but I did make a counter offer, “I could just buy you a strip of velvet and you can pet that all day long.”

“I wonder how you take care of a bat?” She was in her own conversation now, and I just went on with my business, “Is it anything like a bird?”

“Sure, Hon…hey you want any green peppers this trip?”


I wonder if batman’s cape is velvety, too?


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