November Dick Of The Month: Joshua Monson

Cornell University suggests felony drug charges might be between 1-5 years for a first offender.

Of course we are talking about this university…

So how could someone screw up a fairly peaceful court case?  We can ask Joshua Monson, age 27-28 (depending on the particular news story in question), who was on trial for a felony drug charge in Washington state.

During his first trial, first of three so-far that is, he grabbed a pencil from the defendant’s desk and stabbed his court-appointed attorney in the neck.  The man was not seriously injured, but Monson got away with a mistrial on that one and was retried.

His second lawyer met with Monson in private, only to learn that Monson had hidden a pencil in his pants before the meeting and pulled it out to also stab this gentleman in the neck.

Now I’m all for stabbing lawyers, don’t get me wrong, most of them deserve it.  But not the public defenders.  These are the guys who give up ultra-lavish paychecks as district attorneys and high-profile lawyers to make somewhat-lavish salaries as court-appointed attorneys for those who can’t afford to hire their own lawyers.

These are the tax-funded folks who are overworked and underpaid…kind of like the people who need public defenders, if you think about it.

Now onto his third public defender, Mr. Jesse Cantor, whom we will refer to as the stupidest attorney in history…

…whom we will refer to as the second-stupidest attorney in history, and he defendant is strapped into a restraint chair.  Mr. Cantor argued that being strapped into a restraint chair would make his client, you know the guy who’s stabbed his last two lawyers, look guilty to the jury and therefore make the court unfairly biased against him.

Monson was led in and shortly after the court was in session Mr. Cantor set his pen down.  Since Monson wasn’t allowed any writing utensils, not even a rubber pencil, he reached across the table and kifed Cantor’s pen.  Without hesitation he then stabbed Cantor in the side of the head.

The judge has declared that Monson has forfeited his right to an attorney.  He will also be strapped down in his next trial, still with no writing utensils.

I like this particular law blogger, Elie Mystal’s, comment on the story:

Dude, it’s gotta be tough to be a defense attorney. “Your honor, putting my client in restraints would be a gross miscarriage of… oww, OWW, he’s stabbing me. OH MY GOD, he’s stabbing me in the FACE.”

Mr. Cantor is November’s idiot of the month, sure…but for stabbing three consecutive men who are tasked solely with getting you off the hook for all the crimes you’ve done, especially after the last one gets your restraints removed, Joshua Monson is November’s Dick of the Month.

Here’s the full stories from both CNN and the earlier quoted Above the Law article.

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