July Dick of the Month: Jamie Rohrs

When looking for Dick of the Month candidates I scour the internet, written media, television, youtube, all manner of sources.  This month I had it easy…I got this through word of mouth (well, e-mail) the other day.

It actually replaced my original July Dick of the Month (another corrupt teacher; this time it was for extorting her graduating students by making them pay $50 for a 5 cent photocopy, then stealing the entire year’s worth of fundraising to pay off gambling debts).

But who cares about extortion when you have MURDER! (Dun, dun, dunnn…)

That murder was the shooting in Aurora which I’ve spoken about, briefly, before.  Of course when I last talked about it, the news was talking about the victims and refusing to even say the name of the alleged killer.  I say alleged because it’s politically correct…well, that and I found this ‘article‘ amusing.

But now that you don’t hear anything about the victims and all you hear about is the killer, might as well remind every one of the victims.

Poor unfortunate souls like Veronica Moser-Sullivan, Jessica Ghawi, and Micayla Medek.  Heroic gents like Jon Blunk, Matt McQuinn, and Alex Teves.  And the less media-friendly stories of Alexander Boik, Jesse Childress, Gordon Cowden, John Larimer, Alex Sullivan, and Rebecca Wingo.

So clearly the Dick of the Month is the killer, James Holmes, right?  Wrong-o, Bub.

Yeah, I’ve been watching the old X-Men cartoon on Netflix, so expect lots of Wolverine references in the coming weeks.

James Holmes was a psychotic douche bag, no doubt.  But I don’t just put you on the list because you’re a serial killer.  If I did I’d have the same few names every year: Bashar Al-Assad, Teodoro Obiang, Omar al-Bashir, Robert Mugabe, and Michael Szymancyk.

Alas, no, it is for extreme Dickery in the service, of oneself (which sounds like a very snobby solo-porno) that wins one a place in the Dick of the Month archives.  And that particular dick is a Mr. Jamie Rohrs.

We won’t even touch on the wonderful parents Mr. Rohrs and his fiancée, Patricia Legarreta were for taking a 4-year-old girl and a 3 month old boy to a movie theater for a midnight showing of the Dark Knight Rises, or how much of a dick this makes them both to the other people in the theater for bringing crying children into a theater at all.

Instead we’ll concentrate on what happened after the gunman broke into the theater, popped off two canisters of tear gas, and then opened fire into the crowd.

Ms. Legarreta was wounded in the leg by shrapnel and used her own body to cover her 4-year-old daughter.  It was at this moment that Mr. Rohrs leaped over the seats with the young 3-month-old boy.

Rohrs placed the boy on the ground and tried to quiet him down, but the loud explosions and screaming and hellish conditions were too much for the child and he kept crying.  So Rohrs did what any sensible father would do…ditched the kid and ran like hell.

Eventually Ms. Legarreta realized that the crying baby a few rows back was hers, so she gathered him up and held him under her body as well.

While his wounded fiancée was using her body to shield both children Rohrs escaped from the theater.  Luckily they had been in a second-floor balcony and Legarreta was able to escape with both children in tow.

She stumbled outside, only then discovering her wounded leg, and searched for Rohrs.  Rohrs…who had washed his hands of the whole situation, given up his fiancée and their children as dead, and driven away from the scene.

Whoa, you read that right folks…he not only ran like hell, but he also got into his car and drove away from the scene.  He didn’t try to help his loved ones (and I use the term sparingly) to escape, he didn’t wait to see if they survived, he didn’t even report their existence to police so that a search party could go in and look for them.

Special appreciation goes out to a Mr. Jarell Brooks who saw Legarreta and her kids and shielded them while they ran out of the theater.  Mr. Brooks was shot in the process of shielding, by the way.  Some folks he didn’t know and had never met before…he just leapt up and shielded them with his own body so that they could escape alive.

“I saw someone in distress.  I’m not the kind of person who would let them be in that situation and me selfishly trying to get myself out of the equation,” said Brooks, “All she’s trying to do is protect her kids, so I felt like if I could get her out, then maybe, I would have gotten out maybe I wouldn’t, as long as I know she was OK I was alright.”

And what did Ms. Legarreta’s fiance, the man she was raising two children with and planned to eventually marry, have to say?

Oh, right…

So for thoughtless cowardice, you Jamie Rohrs wins the award of July Dick of the Month.


Now run back home with your new award and bury yourself with it, pussy.


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