Shorty Shorts #7

Got a pretty good cop story for you folks today. I was driving to work and there’s some construction in front of the building. A cop was standing at the beginning of the construction zone, waving at everyone to slow down. Now the speed zone there is 35 mph, but most people do 50 or more through there, so the cop is not just a good idea, he’s probably wholly necessary.
But I was coming around the bend in my van and saw the construction zone, so I slowed down to well…6 miles per hour. Because said officer kept glaring at me and waving his arms madly and mouthing the words – well he was actually yelling at the top of his lungs, but in the van with the radio on and the windows up it was just mouthing words to me – signaling me to slow down more.
At 6 mph, just in front of him, he leaps in front of my vehicle, drops his arms madly and screams, “Slow the fuck down!!”
My van, as big as it is, has almost no weight to it. To give you an idea, I’m not that big of a guy and I needed a jump-start some time ago (old battery…aaaand I left my headlights on all day), but I was nosed right up to the garage wall and couldn’t get to the hood latch to open it up and hook my jumper box up to the battery.
I put it in neutral, stretched out for the big grunt, and gently pressed my shoulder into the van, urging it lazily backward. I moved it twelve feet before I realized that I only needed twelve inches.
So, take my van’s lack of weight into account and then add in the fact that it has a powerful V6 engine roaring in there and it’s not hard to believe that 10 mph is my idle speed.
So yeah…I was idling through the construction zone, with my brakes applied, and the cop leapt in front of me.
Amused by his antics, I gently inform him (with my windows still up, mind you, so to him I was just mouthing words), “Y’know Chief, if I go any slower, I’m gonna have to put it in neutral and push.”
He glared at me the whole time it took to pass him (because now I was doing two miles per hour, so it took a while). He glared at me so intently that the car behind me, which almost rear-ended me when the cop jumped in front of me, almost hit the cop in the back of the knees.

I’m starting to get the feeling that this guy just really didn’t want this assignment today.



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