I really have no ideas for a blog topic right now. So here are some random jokes to titillate yourself with. Keep in mind, as with any of my other humor pieces, if you are sensitive to certain topics you should probably not be on a site called Dickjutsu.com, period. That being said, enjoy the debauchery of my jokeness.
1.) Stupid Hunters
Two hunters are walking through the woods when one suddenly collapses, eyes glazed over and not breathing. The other hunter whips out his cell phone and calls emergency services saying, “Help! My buddy just collapsed in the woods while we were hunting, he’s not breathing and I think he’s dead!”
The operator replies, “Just calm down sir, first we need to make sure he’s not breathing. Can you make sure he’s dead?”
“Yes one moment,” said the hunter tearily and he sat down the phone. A moment later a gunshot echoed over the phone line and shortly thereafter the hunter got back on the line and sobbed, “Okay, he’s definitely dead…now what do I do?”
Three men walk into a construction site’s command trailer and speak to the foreman. Each one asks for a job, one of them is a stalwart German, the other a plucky Italian, and the third is a lanky Japanese man. First the foreman looks over the German and says, “You’re big and strong, I could definitely use you to lay bricks. Go to the wall and start laying bricks for me.”
“Breecks, got eet!” The German leaves and the foreman looks the Italian over, “You look like you’ve got good hands and can run a shovel and a wheelbarrow, start mixing cement for the wall.”
“Sure, I’ll mix-a the cement-a!” The Italian leaves and finally the foreman looks the scrawny Japanese man up and down and sighs, “I don’t really know what I can do with you, but I guess I can use you. Go to the depot, you’re in charge of supplies.”
Without saying a word the Japanese man smiles and bows, rushing out the door to get to work. After about an hour of work the Italian shows up at the wall and speaks to the German, “Hey-a, my friend…how are things-a comin’ along-a?”
“Not bad, not bad…but I am runnink out of breecks,” admitted the German, “And I need more sement, too.”
“Yeah, I ran out-a concrete mix about-a ten a-minutes ago,” admitted the Italian, “Where do you think-a that little Asian guy got-a off to?”
“Let’s look for heem!” proposes the German and they both go toward the depot. When they enter it there are stacks upon stacks of bricks, tall enough they can’t peer over them. The German groans, “Dees are my breecks, why did he not brink them to mee?”
They walk a little further and round a corner to find bags of cement mix stacked taller than they are, “An’ these! These are the bags of-a cement I need-a!”
They continue deeper into the maze of bricks, cement, pipes, and barrels when suddenly the little Japanese man runs out swinging a pipe and throwing confetti as he yells, “Supplies! Supplies!!”
3.) Another Engrish Joke…
A Japanese man was looking over the cooking utensils in a store when a female employee walked over to him and asked if she could help. He only shrugged and asked, “Do you have any smarrer pans?”
“A small pan? Why do you need a small pan?”
“My friends are too busy with their famiries to hang out tonight,” he picked up a single-egg cooking pan and shrugged, “So I’m frying soro tonight.”
4.) Can You Smell What The Scissors Are Cutting?
Everyone knows who Dwayne The Rock Johnson is, right? He’s this guy:
As you know he was a Wrestler and he’s acted in several movies as an all-around badass. So can anyone off the top of their head name one opponent of The Rock’s who will defeat 100% of the time?
That’s right…The Paper!
Oh my…that one was cheesy, even for me.
5.) Mirror, Mirror on the Wall!
Q. What did the man say when asked if he wanted a job as a mirror inspector?
A. “That’s certainly a job I could see myself in!”
6.) Cooking Jokes…
Q. What do you call an attorney who cooks?
A. A Sues Chef.
Q. Why do Chefs always use natural butter?
A. Smaller margarine for error.
Okay, okay…I’m done for now. Enjoy your Saturday, or whatever day you manage to read this on!
I know, I know…my jokes are like a sick bird. They should Ill-Eagle!