Engineer Jokes

I work around a lot of engineers.  In the building I work at we have all different kinds of engineers, software engineers, hardware engineers, rail yard engineers, maintenance engineers, custodial engineers, budget engineers…it’s only a matter of time before gun-toting psychopaths take over the building and get the title social engineers.  So since I deal with Engineers day in and day out, here are some jokes at their expense:

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.” The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”

Apple

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!” The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!” The priest said, “Here comes the greens-keeper. Let’s have a word with him.” He said, “Hello George, What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?” The greens-keeper replied, “Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!.” The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.” The doctor said, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything she can do for them.” The engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”

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What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

 

I'm a righter, a writor, a riter...I make words on paper.

I’m a righter, a writor, a riter…I make words on paper.

The graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?” The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?” The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?” The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

me-gusta-meme-engineer

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. “We’re supposed to find the height of this flagpole,” said one, “but we don’t have a ladder.” The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, “Twenty one feet, six inches,” and walked away. One engineer shook his head and laughed, “A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!”

trust-me-i-am-an-engineer_o_2356949

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Totally worth the $80,000 in student loans!

Totally worth the $80,000 in student loans!

~RCS

And finally, one last picture…

Half credit?  No, I'd get paid in full, just like the guy who made a good bridge.

Half credit? No, I’d get paid in full, just like the guy who made a good bridge.

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