Why I’m Not Allowed In New Zealand

I have been informed by my wife that I am not allowed in the beautiful country of New Zealand.  Why?  Because I have a bit of a fetish for Asian Women and she is a bit of the jealous type.  This might not seem that sensible, but it comes because I have a lot of acquaintances (who are real, even though I’ve only met them online) from New Zealand; I also have a big mouth and told my wife the same story(ies) I’m about to tell you.

My acquaintance from New Zealand, we’ll call her Aisha (because that’s her name), is a 3rd generation New Zealander; her family fled China during Sun Yatsen’s revolution.  Her grandparents were young-ish and her parents were born after the move, so they are natural-born New Zealanders (as is Aisha).

Now we’ll pause here for a short anecdote: Aisha is a fan of anime, which irks her grand-mother greatly, she told me.  Why?

Because while the grandmother fled, her sister’s branch of the family stayed behind in China and were killed during the Japanese occupation during World War II.  Aisha’s great-aunt died during the war, making her grand-mother hate the Japanese, like many Chinese do.  So her grandmother gets really irked by the fact that Aisha — who speaks, like most 3rd generation New Zealanders, Oceanic English — knows some Japanese, but knows almost no Chinese.  Her family lived in Hong Kong before they moved, so they already spoke English when they fled China.  They taught Aisha’s mother a combination of both Chinese and English, and Aisha was taught only English.

Anyway, back to the main story!

Aisha informed me that she is not a strange case.  Many asian families moved to Australia or New Zealand for various purposes…fleeing the war(s), fleeing communism, embracing an Oceanic economy, etc.  She told me that there are a large amount of Oriental-Asian women in New Zealand.

But with one caveat!  They all speak English, and with a sexy British/Aussie accent.

Apparently my wife thinks this is waiting for me at the Airport.

Apparently my wife thinks this is waiting for me at the Airport.


I asked another friend of mine, whom we will call Mina (because that is her name).  She is another New Zealander whose family came from Korea in the early 1900s.  She verified that Aisha was telling the truth, there is apparently an abundance of Aussie-accented Asian women in New Zealand.


And that, my friends, is why I am not allowed to step foot in New Zealand.  Australia’s off limts, too, because you can make a raft and float over to New Zealand, I am told by my wife, whom we will call Whackjob (because she is one, most of the time.)


I’m not allowed in Korea, China, Thailand, Japan, Vietnam, the Phillipines, or Malaysia for that matter.


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