Veteran’s Day 2016

What?  Did you think I’d forgotten about Veteran Day this year?  Of course not…but just like real service members, I also had to work on Veteran’s Day.  And so I didn’t meet my deadline to get this post finished before 8:00am.

The wife and I decided to make a couple comics instead just the usual photo post of military memes.  We hope you enjoy them.  Also happy 241st to my USMC brethren.


v-day_002I hope everyone, particularly my soldierly fellows, enjoyed Veteran’s Day this year.


Welcum two Stock Home, Njoy Yur Steh.

I’m sure we’ve all seen those silly posts on FaceBook, Reddit, Tumblr, Twitter, and wherever else people frequently go to poke fun at idiots. And you know exactly the kind of posts I’m talking about…

Re: Holocaust

Re: Holocaust

Stuff like this…

Re: Time Zones

Re: Time Zones

Or that…

Re: Genetics

Re: Genetics

and especially that.

I wonder if you’re all like me. You laugh, you hate the world for existing for a moment, and then you chalk it up to somebody trolling or just being silly because surely no one is really that stupid.

Re: Mediocre

Re: Mediocre

But then you see it…in real life. That friend’s e-mail that tells you how to make nifty blue glow sticks when in reality they’re making a deadly chlorine bomb, your grandma warning about people hiding out under cars and cutting your ankles off with a machete when you’re in a parking garage, or that co-worker who tells you they’re going to How Why E on vacation. Either way they bring into question the person’s gullibility and make you question the whole country’s education system.

Re: The reason why Tigers eat their young.

Re: The reason why Tigers eat their young.

That’s right folks, nobody is immune: Sometimes those people really do exist. You know them by name, you live with them, you work alongside them. Hell they may even get paid more than you!

That is my personal case, a young lady was hired at the place I work as a part-timer a few months ago and during a department restructuring she got bumped up to full-time employment. Now she’s a nice enough girl, but she gets paid 25 cents an hour more than me. She’s a regular working in her department, while I am the department manager for my own department. That’s infuriating enough, but it doesn’t help that our departments overlap a lot. She does some of the same work I do…of course like I said, she gets paid more than me to do it. She also gets 3 dollars an hour more than the regular workers in my department…to do half the same work as we do.

She does half of what we do, then goes back and files papers and helps sort the mail for the rest of the day. Hell, I’ll sort mail for a 25 cent raise, if that means I can stop worrying about scheduling, payroll, managing patrols, incident reports, safety seminars, fighting off Professor Moriarty with a blunt stick, fixing the access mainframe, putting out the kitchenette fires when people forget to turn off empty coffee pots in the break rooms, and chasing away homeless people who try to sleep in our parking garage.

Mail sorting sounds pretty nice, now doesn’t it?

But of course, there’s always an explanation for stuff like that, right? Maybe she has me solidly outdone in education. Maybe she has a Master’s Degree in mail sorting, compared to my 4th grade education in geography? Of course, my geography knowledge definitely makes me look smart in e-mails.

You see, while she was doing some of the same work as me and my crew, she received a message to be forwarded to someone else. This is the message she forwarded (minus identifiable information)…

Re: Stockholm, Sweden

Re: Reel Educashun

She is of course talking about Stock Home, Sweden.

Also known as: Stockholm, Sweden.

Also known as: Stockholm.

Maybe she was just in a difficult relationship and has been affected by Stock Home Syndrome, right?

BTW, in case you didn’t want to do the math…that’s a pay difference in her favor of over $500 a year. Maybe I should move to Sore Ache, Switzerland or See Owl, South Korea, maybe Bay Shing, China…ooo, I’ll bet there’s plenty of good jobs in Pray Tore A, South Africa.


Iron Man 3’s Mandarin?

Warning: Iron Man 3 spoilers ahead. So, if you haven’t watched that movie, yet skip to…umm, actually the whole post is rife with both Iron Man 3 spoilers and spoilers for the first Dark Knight movie.

I recently saw someone using the clip of Tony Stark pissing in his suit from one of the Iron Man movies and because my brain works in mysterious ways, that brought me to thinking about the revelation that Guy Pierce was actually the Mandarin near the end of Iron Man 3.

Before that it is shown that Ben Kingsley is the Mandarin, when in reality Kingsley is playing some drugged out actor, Trevor Slattery, who was hired by Aldrich Kilian to play the Mandarin in propaganda videos.

They portray the Mandarin as an Osama bin Laden-style character running an al-Qaeda like worldwide terrorist organization called the Ten Rings.

It wasn’t a bad twist, the scenes with Kingsley’s Slattery are actually pretty funny.

Just one problem I had with it, which is the exact opposite, albeit the same, problem I had with the first Dark Knight movie. Why was Ben Kingsley cast as the Mandarin.

A comparison. (Picture from

A comparison.
(Picture from

If we can set aside the fact that the Mandarin is a bit of an assembly of Chinese stereotypes, why would you pick Ben Kingsley to portray an Middle Eastern version of the Mandarin. Even if we’re ignoring the fact that the real Mandarin was Killian. Why would Killian hire a guy that looks vaguely Arab to portray a guy called the Mandarin?

Now we can move on to the Dark Knight movies before I come back to that point. Here we have a group of shadow ninjas controlled by their leader, Ra’s al-Ghul. Ra’s is actually Liam Neeson in disguise as just one of the other ninjas, but in reality he is the real Ra’s.

The fake Ra’s is played by Watanabe Ken, a talented Japanese actor.

Another comparison.

Another comparison.

So in Iron Man we got a Middle Eastern looking guy to play a Chinese character (I think he’s actually Mongolian in the comics, but that’s beside the point) and in the Dark Knight we got a Chinese looking guy (he’s actually Japanese) to play a Middle Eastern character.

So how about this instead? Why not get Ben Kingsley to have played Ra’s al-Ghul? Well, the fake Ra’s, at least.

And then we could have had Watanabe Ken play the Mandarin! Well, once again, the fake Mandarin, at least.

The plot twist in Iron Man is that Kinglsey’s character of Slattery is a drugged out, down-on-his-luck, actor who Killian finds to play a TV version of Slattery, basically.

Watanabe could play the same role, it would be the same thing, but actually hiring an Asian guy for an Asian role. There could even be a scene where Watanabe explains how Killian hired him (as Kingsley’s Slattery has with Stark in the film).




Watanabe: I was just hired to play a role. They found me in a Hong Kong studio, down on my luck and too drunk to audition.







Stark: Why you?







Watanabe: I don’t know…I guess I was the odd man out.







Stark: Odd man out?







Watanabe: I was the only drunk Japanese actor in Hong Kong?







Stark: You’re Japanese?







Watanabe: What, you couldn’t tell?




These are the weird things that I think about when I’m on patrol and nobody’s breaking the law.


Officer Rambo: Alternates

I hope everyone found the Officer Rambo jokes funny in the post about Officer Krista last week.  I had made a few extra joke pictures that were possibilities for the post, that wound up going unused.  I figured I’d just go ahead and put them up since I found them funny, hopefully you folks will, too.  There’s only two, but I enjoyed them.

The first one was going to be in response to the line, “You think she and the wife would be up for a threesome?”



The second one was going to be the after-signature comment, referencing the final punchline about Krista being drunk:



Why I’m Not Allowed In New Zealand

I have been informed by my wife that I am not allowed in the beautiful country of New Zealand.  Why?  Because I have a bit of a fetish for Asian Women and she is a bit of the jealous type.  This might not seem that sensible, but it comes because I have a lot of acquaintances (who are real, even though I’ve only met them online) from New Zealand; I also have a big mouth and told my wife the same story(ies) I’m about to tell you.

My acquaintance from New Zealand, we’ll call her Aisha (because that’s her name), is a 3rd generation New Zealander; her family fled China during Sun Yatsen’s revolution.  Her grandparents were young-ish and her parents were born after the move, so they are natural-born New Zealanders (as is Aisha).

Now we’ll pause here for a short anecdote: Aisha is a fan of anime, which irks her grand-mother greatly, she told me.  Why?

Because while the grandmother fled, her sister’s branch of the family stayed behind in China and were killed during the Japanese occupation during World War II.  Aisha’s great-aunt died during the war, making her grand-mother hate the Japanese, like many Chinese do.  So her grandmother gets really irked by the fact that Aisha — who speaks, like most 3rd generation New Zealanders, Oceanic English — knows some Japanese, but knows almost no Chinese.  Her family lived in Hong Kong before they moved, so they already spoke English when they fled China.  They taught Aisha’s mother a combination of both Chinese and English, and Aisha was taught only English.

Anyway, back to the main story!

Aisha informed me that she is not a strange case.  Many asian families moved to Australia or New Zealand for various purposes…fleeing the war(s), fleeing communism, embracing an Oceanic economy, etc.  She told me that there are a large amount of Oriental-Asian women in New Zealand.

But with one caveat!  They all speak English, and with a sexy British/Aussie accent.

Apparently my wife thinks this is waiting for me at the Airport.

Apparently my wife thinks this is waiting for me at the Airport.


I asked another friend of mine, whom we will call Mina (because that is her name).  She is another New Zealander whose family came from Korea in the early 1900s.  She verified that Aisha was telling the truth, there is apparently an abundance of Aussie-accented Asian women in New Zealand.


And that, my friends, is why I am not allowed to step foot in New Zealand.  Australia’s off limts, too, because you can make a raft and float over to New Zealand, I am told by my wife, whom we will call Whackjob (because she is one, most of the time.)


I’m not allowed in Korea, China, Thailand, Japan, Vietnam, the Phillipines, or Malaysia for that matter.

Engineer Jokes

I work around a lot of engineers.  In the building I work at we have all different kinds of engineers, software engineers, hardware engineers, rail yard engineers, maintenance engineers, custodial engineers, budget engineers…it’s only a matter of time before gun-toting psychopaths take over the building and get the title social engineers.  So since I deal with Engineers day in and day out, here are some jokes at their expense:

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.” The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”


A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!” The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!” The priest said, “Here comes the greens-keeper. Let’s have a word with him.” He said, “Hello George, What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?” The greens-keeper replied, “Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!.” The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.” The doctor said, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything she can do for them.” The engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”


What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.


I'm a righter, a writor, a riter...I make words on paper.

I’m a righter, a writor, a riter…I make words on paper.

The graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?” The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?” The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?” The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”


Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. “We’re supposed to find the height of this flagpole,” said one, “but we don’t have a ladder.” The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, “Twenty one feet, six inches,” and walked away. One engineer shook his head and laughed, “A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!”


To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Totally worth the $80,000 in student loans!

Totally worth the $80,000 in student loans!


And finally, one last picture…

Half credit?  No, I'd get paid in full, just like the guy who made a good bridge.

Half credit? No, I’d get paid in full, just like the guy who made a good bridge.

Murphy’s Laws of Combat: 101-140

The Murphy’s Law of Combat is really just a cynically humorous list of jokes that, if remembered properly, will do a mixture of worrying a soldier and of keeping him alive.  And in case you can’t wait for my slow pace…here’s 100-140 on the list, and that ends our time together with Murphy’s Laws of Combat.  The list I got comes from Strategy  There’s a few repeats from earlier days on this list, but what the hell, it’s all good.

101. Odd objects attract fire – never lurk behind one.

Warning: Do not stand behind during gunfight!

Warning: Do not stand behind during gunfight!

102. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
103. The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).
104. There is always a way, and it usually doesn’t work.
105. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.
106. The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.
107. Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet.
108. As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
109. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
110. The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
111. Walking point = sniper bait.
112. Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.

q1tFM30832113. If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.
114. Radios function perfectly until you need fire support.
115. What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank.
116. If orders can be misunderstood they will be.
117. Odd objects attract fire. You are odd.
118. Your mortar barrage will put exactly one round on the intended target. That round will be a dud.
119. Mine fields are not neutral.
120. The weight of your equipment is proportional to the time you have been carrying it.
121. Things that must be together to work can never be shipped together.
122. If you need an officer in a hurry take a nap.
123. The effective killing radius is greater than the average soldier can throw it.
124. Professionals are predictable, its the amateurs that are dangerous.
125. A clean (and dry) set of BDU’s is a magnet for mud and rain.
126. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
127. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
128. When you have sufficient ammo the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on ammo the enemy attacks that night.
129. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
130. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
131. When a front line soldier overhears two General Staff officers conferring, he has fallen back too far.
132. Don’t ever be the first, don’t ever be the last, and don’t ever volunteer to do anything.
133. If at first you don’t succeed, then bomb disposal probably isn’t for you.
134. Any ship can be a minesweeper . . . . once.

"See?  I told you we weren't gonna hit a rock!"

“See? I told you we weren’t gonna hit a rock!”

135. Whenever you lose contact with the enemy, look behind you.
136. If you find yourself in front of your platoon they know something you don’t.
137. The seriousness of a wound (in a firefight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
138. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
139. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not your friend.
140. All or any of the above combined.


Thanks for coming and thanks for reading.  Monday starts some regular update stuff, expect a politics-heavy one since I haven’t done that in a while.

Murphy’s Laws of Combat: 61-100

The Murphy’s Law of Combat is really just a cynically humorous list of jokes that, if remembered properly, will do a mixture of worrying a soldier and of keeping him alive.  And in case you can’t wait for my slow pace…here’s 61-100 on the list, expect the final set tomorrow.  The list I got comes from Strategy if you can’t wait and want the rest of them.

61. If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
62. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
63. The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.

"Yo, Boss!  Are you positive this is Afghanistan?"

“Yo, Boss! Are you positive this is Afghanistan?”

64. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
65. Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel’s HQ.
66. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
67. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
68. A clean (and dry) set of BDU’s is a magnet for mud and rain.
69. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
70. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can’t hit the broad side of a barn.
71. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
72. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon’s operator.
73. Field experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
74. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
75. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
76. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in boot camp)
77. Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
78. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
79. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
80. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don’t know what they want, but they know for certain what they don’t want.
81. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
82. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
83. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else.
84. When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.
85. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor.
86. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
87. Murphy was a grunt.
88. Beer Math –> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
89. Body count Math –> 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.
90. The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.

91. All-weather close air support doesn’t work in bad weather.
92. The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.
93. The crucial round is a dud.
94. Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.
95. There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
96. Don’t ever be the first, don’t ever be the last and don’t ever volunteer to do anything.
97. If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.
98. If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won’t walk into it.
99. If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him.
100. Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.


Murphy’s Laws of Combat: 41-60

The Murphy’s Law of Combat is really just a cynically humorous list of jokes that, if remembered properly, will do a mixture of worrying a soldier and of keeping him alive.  Here’s 41-60 on the list, expect the next set tomorrow.  The list I got comes from Strategy if you can’t wait and want the rest of them.

41. When both sides are convinced they’re about to lose, they’re both right.
42. Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
43. Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
44. Fortify your front; you’ll get your rear shot up.
45. Weather ain’t neutral.


46. If you can’t remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.

47. Air defense motto: shoot ’em down; sort ’em out on the ground.
48. ‘Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it’ll go’.
49. The Cavalry doesn’t always come to the rescue.
50. Napalm is an area support weapon.
51. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
52. B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.
53. Sniper’s motto: reach out and touch someone.
54. Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.
55. The one item you need is always in short supply.
56. Interchangeable parts aren’t.
57. It’s not the one with your name on it; it’s the one addressed “to whom it may concern” you’ve got to think about.
58. When in doubt, empty your magazine.

Or...yeah, that works, too.

Or…yeah, that works, too.

59. The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
60. Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.


Murphy’s Laws of Combat: 21-40

The Murphy’s Law of Combat is really just a cynically humorous list of jokes that, if remembered properly, will do a mixture of worrying a soldier and of keeping him alive.  Here’s 21-40 on the list, expect the next set tomorrow.  The list I got comes from Strategy if you can’t wait and want the rest of them.

21. The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
22. The easy way is always mined.


23. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.

24. Don’t look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.
25. Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
26. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
27. When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
28. Incoming fire has the right of way.
29. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
30. No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.

31. If the enemy is within range, so are you.

31. If the enemy is within range, so are you.

32. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
33. Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren’t.
34. Things that must work together, can’t be carried to the field that way.
35. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.
36. Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both).
37. Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
38. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won’t be able to get out.
39. Tracers work both ways.
40. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.


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