DJ Comic: Valentine’s Day


Rich really doesn’t need a special day or silly holiday to offer me his dick in a box, he tries to offer it to me every day.  Every.  Single.  Day.

We honestly don’t really do anything for Valentine’s day, or most holidays for that matter.  We don’t do gifts to each other unless there is something we want or need, and once again don’t really need a holiday for that.  And we try to stay home, too; because everyone else goes out and everything is usually super crowded. Everything from restaurants to the grocery store can be ridiculously packed.  So we just try to spend time together, but that’s the norm for us anyway, so it works out well.




I absolutely love Halloween!  It’s been my favorite holiday for as long as I can remember.  Everything about it is amazing: The dressing up, the decorating, and the candy!  I hope everyone can enjoy this holiday as much as I do!


Photopost: Babies and Children

I won’t lie…I’m not a big fan of children.  I consider them somewhat of a necessary evil; very rarely entertaining or cute like most people claim they are.  But occasionally, just every once in a  while, they actually are cute.  Usually with the addition of humorous content to them, like a caption…like the following pictures:

Because she's a wizard, Harry.

Here’s a very young Sonny Corleone, proving that he’s always been the firebrand of the movie mafioso family.

Whatever you say Bossman--err, Bossboy.

Here’s a reminder that not all children are cute…as a matter of fact, not many children are ever cute.  But this kid makes Mr. Bean look good.

How did such a cute woman...make such a hideous creature fall out of her body?

Here’s proof that children are stupid.  I sure as hell wouldn’t take candy from this guy…

As a matter fact, I'd run like hell if he offered me candy. And I'm an adult.

Here’s future economics professor.

I wish I could afford a doll house...

Along with our economics professor, above, we have a future rap artist below…

And here’s a note to all the parents out there who think it’s okay to bring your children along to a fancy dinner.  For the record…it’s not.  McDonald’s is one thing, but don’t bring them to ruin my anniversary dinner at Olive Garden.  I mean, really.

I actually am rather fond of those 'no-kids' restaurants.

Well that’s all folks.  I’ll let you get back to pretending to work…I’ve got something to do myself, too…

Maybe I should get a puppy?


Grassroots Marketing

So, after a mind numbingly boring day watching the Academy Awards’ Red Carpet on CNN and a documentary about the bumfuckery of the Branch Davidian Sect’s Waco Compound Siege by the ATF in the early ’90s, also on CNN, I left work and headed for home.  But lo and behold…I was low on fuel for my van.

Yeah, I’m that cool…I drive a minivan and don’t have any children.

I also have a puppy...

So anyway…I pulled into the gas station and got everything ready, only to find the pump I pulled up to was not working.  The LCD screen was magnetized and wouldn’t change screens.  So I turned the van around and pulled in to another pump.  While getting out the gentleman on the other side of the pump saw the url located on the side of my van.  He took a picture and said he was going to put it on twitter.

I relished the free advertising, to be honest.  Then he and I discussed the Dick of the Month feature we have here and he gave an impromptu submission for Dick of the Month: Himself.  He told me that the guy who fired him a year ago just committed suicide…and that he felt like a dick, because he couldn’t help but not feel bad.  But then he disqualified himself for admitted that he felt a little bad since the guy had a wife and daughter when he died.

I’m sorry sir, you were born with a conscience and therefore are disqualified for the position of Dick of the Month.  The good news is that makes you a productive member of society!

I so love the chance at grassroots marketing, even if he did catch me as I was getting off work and half asleep/ravenously hungry.  Because that means the twelve dollars I spent to put that sign with my url on it was worth it.