May Dick of the Month: Yiqiang Wu

Earlier this month we had Veteran’s Day (shut up, I told you I’m behind on the DotM posts) and it just so happens that April’s Dick of the Month probably doesn’t celebrate Veteran’s Day.

On April 11th, exactly 7 months before Veteran’s Day a certain New Yorker, Yiqiang Wu was standing in line behind an unnamed U.S. Army Captain in a Walmart in Albany, NY.  That Army officer was Captain Andrew McClure, a 14-year veteran who served in Iraq.

Captain McClure was checking out and Wu muttered something, Capt. McClure looked at him and asked him if he was talking to the soldier or not, Wu responded by flipping him the bird, when the Captain found it odd he asked if the middle finger display was for him, or someone else.  Wu took this as an opportunity to began yelling insults at the Captain for being a soldier and screamed a few more derisive comments about the U.S. and soldiers in general.  He called “American Scum” and told McClure, “Fuck you, fuck your nation.”

Capt. McClure said, “If you don’t like it here, you can always go home,” and then walked away.  Wu then proceeded to chase after the Captain and punch him repeatedly in the face.

The Captain took the defensive and protected himself without counterattacking Wu and as a result sustained a cut above the eye which was treated by paramedics on the scene and afterward the Captain went home.  Wu, on the other hand, went to jail; where he belongs.

Captain McClure was asked why he didn’t fight back and he said, “I had the presence of mind to know that we’re on camera.”

Security footage seems to show Yiqiang Wu (left) assaulting a man in Army fatigues (right) near the checkout area of an Albany  Walmart store.

Welcome t’ Walmart, get yer shit and get punched in th’ face!

Unfortunately for McClure’s assailant, Wu didn’t seem to have the same presence of mind.  McClure continued, “I’m in uniform and I have to conduct myself as a professional and not do anything that would tarnish or embarrass the unit or the uniform.”

Well, getting your face smashed in by an unarmed Chinese* guy is tarnishing the unit and the uniform a bit, I suppose his restraint is admirable.

Wu was charged with 3rd degree assault and the charge will stand as a hate crime, too.  Wu claims he’s schizophrenic and that’s what caused everything, but that he’s not actually anti-American.

Well Mr. Wu, for assaulting a uniformed Veteran for no discernible reason, you are May’s Dick of the Month.


*Disclaimer: No matter how much I look I can’t find any information about Wu’s citizenship, but given his comments I can guess he’s not a citizen, and Yiqiang is a Chinese name.  Hence my assumption that he is Chinese, I’m not just blankly assuming because he’s Asian-looking.

Promotion Motion!

For those of you who are keeping track of my career, then I would like to inform you of a recent promotion. After a year at my newest posting I have been promoted to Sergeant. Unlike the last place where I worked as a Sergeant, this isn’t just a supervisory position, instead it’s management.
Now let me explain about how this kind of stuff works. The last place I worked as a Sergeant we had a larger crew and stricter rank structure. We had a Captain who ran the whole place, two Lieutenants who worked under him, and three Sergeants. Officers were not allowed to work without at least a Sergeant overseeing them.
In this case a Sergeant was a Shift Supervisor, a Lieutenant was like an Assistant Manager, and the Captain was General Manager.
I then took a job in a much calmer (and wealthier area) where officers made more than I got at my Sergeant pay. But that was actually a poor career decision because I wound up taking a job that had me answering to a guy that I had written up three years earlier (when I was a Sergeant at aforementioned location). He spent the next few months trying to get me fired and using me for a scapegoat for everything that happened in a ten-mile radius of anything I touched.

This was officially my new uniform and job title.

So, carrying the recommendation of the Major from our local headquarters, I went to another headquarters and applied for a rolling supervisor position (which is technically a Captain’s position). I was gently informed that with only four-to-five years’ experience, I didn’t have experience to be a Captain. So I got sent off to my current posting, where the facility is commanded by a Lieutenant, instead of a Captain, and everyone else is an Officer.
By the way, just to prove it’s not what you know but who you know…
The Captain’s position that I was told I was too inexperienced and too young for (I was 25 when I applied for it) was filled about six months after that by a 20-year-old with 3 months experience. His uncle is dating the Big Boss who decides what officers are hired, promoted, and dispatched on this side of town; the same one who told me I was too inexperienced for the job.
She’s changed her tune, though, agreeing to make me a Sergeant even though I have next to the lowest amount of tenure at my current posting. It comes with almost a dollar and hour raise and I am now Assistant Manager of the post.
Being the only guy who gets along with the Lt. is a big help to my advancement, I think, which also proves it’s not what you know it’s who you know.
So I now have chevrons on my lapels and an extra dollar in my pocket. And when the Lt. retires (in 25 years, he plans), I’m next in line for his job. Whoo!

Dick of the Month: Capt. Francesco Schettino

Anybody who has ever been on a cruise knows the deal.  You go to the port, get on the boat, and have a week or so of pure, unobtruded luxury.  The biggest fear you have is that your spouse will kill you in your cabin.

But now we have to worry (I say we, like I have the money to go on a cruise…haha) about Captains who don’t know how to pilot boats.

Such is the case on the Carnival Cruise Line’s subsidiary company Costa Cruises in Italy.  The captain of the Costa Concordia was one Capt. Francesco Schettino.  And apparently he was a pretty schetty captain.  He brought the vessel too close to the shoreline so that the crew could wave to family and friends on the island.

Or is Schettino actually a pretty good captain and he’s just getting the short-end of the stick?  That’s the question we’re going to try to answer here.

Spoiler Alert: We're pretty sure he's a shitty captain.

So the ship sailed too close to the island, and struck a projection of rocks.  Schettino then pulled a hard turn and ran the ship aground to keep it from sinking or capsizing, giving the people on board enough time to get off the ship.

He then abandoned ship and left his unprepared and uninformed crew to handle things without him.  Although Schettino said that he fell into a lifeboat.  But during a wiretapped phone call to a friend he admitted that when he realized how bad the situation was…he decided to get the hell out of there.

Schettino seems to be mostly looking at manslaughter for the deaths of the people trapped on board, abandoning ship during an evacuation, and some other general malfeasance stuff.

But the people who survived are looking at about $1,400 in compensation for lost luggage and emotional distress.  A group of passengers have already started a class-action suit seeking damages of about $460 million, though.

If we assume the lawyers will get 50% of that, there’s between 6 and 10 plaintiffs for the suit.  So that’ll give them all about $29 million apiece.  But if we add in half of the 4,000 passengers to make it a worthwhile class-action suit, then we’re looking more at about $115,000 per person.  That’s a pretty acceptable amount, to me.

All in all…I’d say that Capt. Schettino should definitely some good charges.  His captain’s licensing should be revoked, some jail time, some fines, maybe even restrict him from even being allowed to get a fishing license.

Why should he go through all these things?  Because he’s a Schett-head, but mostly because he’s a really bad captain.  And although it has no legal bearing on anything…I’ve still adopted Capt. Francesco Schettino as the January Dick of the Month.


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