So I was watching television (they changed the channel on the TV in my building, it’s CBS now instead of CNN) and last night I caught the repeat of the new CBS show Mom, starring Anna Faris and Allison Janney.

It’s the story of an alcoholic who is just starting to get her life together.  She’s celebrating 180 days sober in AA and she works as a waitress in a fancy Napa Valley restaurant.

At least it's not the woman eating the banana, half naked.

At least it’s not the woman eating the banana, half naked.

She also owns an impeccably clean (for a single mother) and well-furnished three-bedroom (minimum) house.

The series has some funny moments, mostly coming from French Stewart’s character as the eccentric Head Chef, Rudy.

But mostly it’s a very ingenuine crapshoot.  The whole backstory is that Faris’ character, Christy, has led a miserable life.  She dropped out of High School, presumably when she got pregnant with her daughter Violet.  She’s clearly spent her life working in minimum wage jobs, in and out of jail it seems, and probably has bad credit.

So how can she afford such a nice house, with a yard (she’s boinking her married boss and when he shows up at her house she comically throws him off the porch and she even has sprinklers in her yard go off on him).  So that’s a 3 bedroom house in the suburbs, with a giant living room, a full-size kitchen with a nice table, her son is seen playing what seems to be the latest Grand Theft Auto game that was just released on a 32 inch flat screen television.

Is this the kind of house Republicans actually believe poor people live in?

Is this the kind of house Republicans actually believe poor people live in?

How does she afford all this on a waitress’ pay?  Especially when it is implied that she’s not a very good waitress, so I doubt she’s taking home thousands of dollars in tips every night.

She’s also living in or near Napa Valley, California…a very expensive place.  The cheapest 3 bedroom house I can find in Napa Valley costs $110,000.  Even if you assume she’s renting one…$1,375 a month.  If she works full-time at server wages and takes home $50 in tips a night she would only make 1400 a month.  Take taxes out of that and she can afford all this, how?

Not to mention all of the designer clothes that Faris’ character wears through the show.  Now I realize it’s because it’s television and everyone wears designer clothes, but you could at least make it appear as though she was wearing a dollar store shirt or something.

I grew up in impoverished alcoholic homes, they are not as fanciful as this shit.  And it’s something that television does a lot, characters who are so ingenuine in their portrayals that it’s just not worth watching.

I wish my kitchen looked that nice!  Maybe I should try this whole alcoholism thing?  Seems to be pretty profitable.

I wish my kitchen looked that nice! Maybe I should try this whole alcoholism thing? Seems to be pretty profitable.

Reba McEntire’s old show, which is a great show by the way, was another one that was weird like that.  She lived in a giant mansion of a house, but she didn’t have a job, or at least not one that would afford that house.  But that was at least explained by the fact that her ex-husband was a dentist and paid a lot of alimony.

Christy doesn’t have dentist alimony, unless that Boss of hers that she’s shtoopin’ is paying for her house, so how can she afford all this crap?

I know I’m certainly putting the television on mute when I have to run the desk and it comes on next week.

If you’re still interested in seeing the show, here’s the trailer for it.  I’m a little ashamed at the fact that the biggest complaints about the show I’m seeing is that people are upset it uses a laugh-track in the trailer.



November Dick of the Month: Angus T. Jones

November’s Dick of the month comes awfully late in the month (hence my lateness in writing and posting it…that and [this]).  With labor strikes in the NFL referee’s corps recently and now the NHL strike and subsequent lockout it has brought attention to overpaid sports stars who only put in backbreaking labor for a few days out of the year and make over 3,600% more than the bottom half of the country.  Said sports stars are demanding more millions of dollars per year, of course.  It also brings to mind the billionaires who own the team and won’t cut the stars people actually go out to watch a few more dollars, or y’know…cut the cost of tickets, beer, and hotdogs for the folks who come to watch their teams.


But in all that, we also have to remember the actors and actresses of movies and television who do even less work.  Let’s look at one of them

Angus T. Jones makes between $250,000 and $300,000 per episode.  With a 26 episode run that equates to around 7 million dollars a year

Then he comes out saying the show is evil and wicked and that you shouldn’t watch it, because it goes against his religious values.

Not enough to actually quit and give up the $7 million a year he’s getting paid, of course.  Just enough to tell you not to watch it.  Here’s his actual statement:

If you watch Two and a Half Men, please stop watching Two and a Half Men. I’m on Two and a Half Men, and I don’t want to be on it. Please stop watching it, and filling your head with filth. People say it’s just entertainment. Do some research on the effects of television and your brain, and I promise you you’ll have a decision to make when it comes to television, especially with what you watch.”

The day after the video of him saying all that crap, and more, goes viral…he comes out a statement, most definitely written by his lawyers or agent or something.  Charlie Sheen also offered him a spot on his new show, but I think that might be a little too risqué for poor little Angus if he was offended by Two and a Half Men.

You’d be surprised what I would do for $7 million.

Actually…if you read this blog you probably would be more surprised by I wouldn’t do for $7 million dollars.

Either way, I would most certainly act in a mildly risqué sitcom for $7 million a year, that is assured.  And I certainly wouldn’t tell the audience, the people who ultimately ensure that my paycheck doesn’t bounce, to stop watching it and to basically stop watching television entirely.

So for being a horrible business person, alone, and risking a $7 million a year career when he’s already in an overpaid and overhyped profession, Angus T. Jones you are November’s Dick of the Month.


Seriously though, if you can come up with $7 million, I am pretty much yours to command.

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