April Dick of the Month: Jeremy Faison

Sorry I’m so late on this post, I try to keep them closer to the beginning of the month, but as long as I get it done before the month actually ends, I guess I’m still within my deadline.

Anywho, with the recent amendment banning gay rights, and also a few straight unmarried rights, in North Carolina there seems to have been an explosion of gay and anti-gay rhetoric around.

So this decision was kind of hard…we’ve got the common citizen voter voting to ensure that homosexuals don’t have the same rights as them, going so far as to diminish their own rights in such severe cases as domestic abuse.  That’s more stupid than dickish, though, I suppose.

Then we have Pastor Charles Worley saying we should round up the 19 million homosexuals in America and put them in concentration camps until they die off; not to mention the idiots who support him in night-prayer vigils.

But he’s from North Carolina, so I guess I’m going to expect that out of Northern Caroliners nowadays.  That and Worley’s comments technically happened in May, so he doesn’t count for this anyway.

But we can’t forget Pastor Sean Harris of a church in Fayetteville, who said you should ‘crack the wrists’ of gay children and force young girls to wear dresses and make-up and abuse them if they ‘act butch’.  North Carolina is just overwhelming me at the moment, I think I need to move to a different topic location.

And that brings me to Tennessee where we have Tennessee State Representative Jeremy Faison (Surprise, he’s a Republican!).  He refers to the recent suicides of Philip Parker and Jacob Rogers, homosexuals that were bullied about their sexual orientation until they killed themselves.

Naturally he speaks in favor of the anti-bullying legislation on the docket, right?

Silly hoomans!

He claims that if you were bullied and committed suicide, as bad as that is, it’s not the bully’s fault.  It’s your parent’s fault for not teaching you that what you were doing was wrong!

“Now, instead of sending children to the principal’s audience, we’re sending them to the criminal court,” said Representative Faison, “…there’s people in this room right here who, at one time in their life, were a bully. But you didn’t grow up to be a bad person.”

Yeah!  So what if you bullied a kid until he murdered himself?  That doesn’t make you a bad person.  And y’know what?  I agree with him, that doesn’t make you a bad person.

Wait for it…

It makes you a fucking horrible person!  You sick, hateful, bastard!

I can vaguely see where you can arrive at the conclusion that the bible says homosexuality is wrong, but I still can’t find the part where it says that forcing a homosexual to kill themselves is what Jesus wanted you to do.

Show me the verse(s) in the bible where Jesus said homosexuality is wrong, show me the bible verses where Jesus said you should harass and chide sinners in his name, how me the bible verses where Jesus said that all people should bow before his principles or be maimed, shunned, or discredited.

You won’t find them, because they don’t exist.  But you will, if you look hard enough, find this biblical quote from Jesus (as quoted of Paul in the book of Corinthians):

“If a man be ignorant, let him be ignorant.”

If a man does not follow the ways of the Judeo-Christian rules or its god, let him follow his own path.

But I got off on a tangent there.  To sum it all up, Representative Faison basically just told a bunch of grieving parents that it’s their fault that their children, siblings, cousins, and kin were bullied into suicide.  He then suggested that bullying was not only a minor thing, but that it had no long-lasting effects.

And finally, and this is what really wins him his award, Faison suggests that the proper way to end bully-caused suicides is not to punish bullies, but for parents to bully their children instead of the children being bullied by their own peers.

So for extraordinary idiocy and dickery on the floor of a democratic house of congress, we hereby award Tennessee State Representative Jeremy Faison…

April 2012…Dick of the Month!

Dick of the Month: Rep. Jeremy Faison

Put These Idiots In ‘Death Fences’

Some of you may have heard of the Southern Baptist (what is it with these people?  They’re like the Taliban of Christianity!) preacher from North Carolina (I’ll bet he voted in favor of the recent amendment in NC) who spoke of putting all the homosexuals in the country into death camps created by building hundreds of miles of electrified fencing.  Admittely he was godfully compassionate, talking about dropping food into the area so they didn’t starve.  And we could just let homosexuality die out ‘naturally’.  His name is Charles Worley and here’s his rant, err, I mean…Sermon:

Well here’s some physics for you first…150 miles of fencing would create 1,406 square miles for each respective gay gender.  So that’s 1400 sq miles for lesbians and 1400 sq miles for, as Pastor Worly puts it, queers.  There are roughly 9 million Americans who consider themself homosexual or bisexual.  If we assume it’s a 50/50 split between men and women, then that gives us 4.5 million people per fenced-in area.  That’s a population density of 3,200 people per square mile.  That’s not too bad…a small city, at least.

But if you account for the 19 million Americans who have engaged in same-sex sexual acts, that brings it up to 9.5 million per fence or a density of 6,759 people per square mile.  And if you figure for the fact that he only said that length of fence one, and could therefore imply that he meant it would contain the entire 19 million queery people in there.  That brings us up to 13,513 people per square mile.

To put that in context…that would be the equivalent of Boston, which has a population density of 13,321 people per square mile.  It would also be more dense than Chicago, Philadelphia, or Miami.  It would be about 60% more dense than Staten Island, New York.

Given that I highly doubt he intends to convince congress to give up Staten Island for the new Queersville, I imagine he’d like to do this out in some prairie; and since he said we’d have to air-drop food in, I’m guessing there’ll be no agricultural capabilities of the land.  No medical care or police services, either, by the sounds of it.  So I think that disease and panic will kill them off long before ‘natural causes’ come into play.

Well, you know what’s even worse than all his idiocy?  The fact that people support that kind of idea.  Look at this Rhodes Scholar from his church:

At what point do you not just begin to feel ashamed?


Free lessons in Dickjutsu by e-maill. Or if you don't get the joke, it's the subscription button.