Je’Suis Bête!

I just thought I would make a little addendum to yesterday’s post.  I used a tongue-in-cheek joke that several people did not seem to get.

Je’Sui Paris and Je’Sui Humanité mean nothing, because it is spelled wrong.

I was spelling it that way to lambaste the fact that almost everyone on my Facebook feed, the folks I was ripping on in that post, had spelled Je’Suis Paris incorrectly.  The last s in Je’Suis is silent, as is par for the course in French.  As a matter of fact the last s in Paris is supposed to be silent as well.  It would be along the lines of Jah-Swee Pa-Ree.

It turns out nobody got the joke, though, and that makes me look like the idiot, because it just looks like I spelled it wrong.  Which I did, on purpose.  But nobody got it.

Writing comedy is hard.




Red 2 Review

Our second movie with Mary-Louise Parker is Red 2.  I enjoyed the first movie, which had an all-star cast of Bruce Willis, John Malkovich, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren, and Brian Cox.  It was a good mix of humor, intrigue, and action.


Well the second one suffers from sequelitis in that it’s not quite as good as the first one, but while Morgann Freeman has not returned for this film we’ve exchanged him for Anthony Hopkins who does a pretty good job in his role.

This movie is about as funny as the first movie, although it’s a warmer humor than the first one.  One thing to note is that it has traded a significant amount of action for intrigue.  Not nearly as much fighting and gunplay as in the first movie, a lot of the action is in the form of chase scenes.

One thing that perturbed me, and it may just be in order to retain that PG-13 rating it got, was the weird policy on blood.  Gunshots don’t really cause any blood for the most part, the fistfights creates bloody noses and a cut forehead or such.  No bodies ever leave a trail of blood or create a pool on the carpet.



The real point where this becomes an issue is after a particular character near the end betrays his colleagues and stabs two of them, apologizing for making a mess on the floor afterward.  There’s no blood to make a mess with.  This becomes even stranger when he wipes the clean knife off on a tied-up hostage’s shirt.  Then he cuts the hostage’s carotid artery, which would normally create at least a strong flow of blood, if not an actual arterial spray.  No blood, even though that’s what would have killed the hostage (who does die); blood loss.  It just kind of took me out of the moment.

All in all the movie was pretty good, but I had been hoping for a little more action.  The bomb they use could have used some more explanation to it, since my fiancé had to look away from the movie and ask me what the hell they were talking about.  Even I didn’t know a whole lot about the subject, but enough to get her through the moment.

In the end it wasn’t as good as the first, but if you enjoyed the first you’ll probably enjoy the second.  I have to admit that I think RIPD was the better of the two movies as far as humor goes, but Red 2 has a better plotline with the additional intrigue.  Not a bad watch if you’re in the mood for a humorous spy thriller.


I’m Not Racist…Really!

I was brought to remember a joke by one of my favorite comedians, Bill Burr, today.  I can’t remember it verbatim, but here’s the paraphrase, “Have you ever noticed how the most racist things you hear, are usually preceded by the phrase, ‘I’m not racist, but…insert radical xenophobic rant here’?”

I thought of the joke because of an event, which I will detail after I make my point, I looked to the girl who works near me and said, “I don’t mean to sound racist, but that’s not the person I was expecting when I heard the name Tanecia.”

At that moment, I realized…I sounded pretty damn racist; mostly because of the bewildered and trapped look the poor girl gave me as a response.  Like she wanted to agree, but was afraid that magical podium Bill Burr always talks about would come out of nowhere and she’d be defending her job, because she’s white and therefore can’t be racist in today’s society.

So without getting into the whole racism vs. reverse racism issue, I will just display my story now…

A gentleman came into the building today and I checked him in, he said he was here to meet with a Ms. Tanecia Brown [real last name withheld].  At this point I, having never met Ms. Brown, so when I called her on the phone to inform her that she had a guests, I had subconsciously created expectations of the person who would come down to receive said guest.

Five minutes later, when a small-framed brunette that looked, at darkest, like a Northern Italian came out and shook his hand saying, “Hi, I’m Tanecia,” I was at a bit of a loss, mentally.

Now aside from the fact that my spell-check is coughing up blood from that last run-on paragraph, we come to the racist bits.  I heard the name Tanecia, and I imagined a black woman.  I heard her voice and I imagined a small-framed black woman.  Instead, I got a small-framed white woman.

It got me thinking about other names that are very ethnic.  Some of them are unjust, but some of them are good examples of stereotypes gone right.  If you hear a guy named Stanislov, you’re going to expect a guy with a Russian accent.  Likewise if you walk into the German embassy in Washington D.C. and shake hands with the ambassador, you’re going to be very confused when he says, “Guten Tag, my name is Ushigi Hachiro.”  And go ahead and do a Google Image Search for Tanecia Brown, tell me what you find; I’ll bet it’s a bucnh of blakc women and one white chick.

Let’s take a look at one celebrity in particular to cause this phenomenon: Queen Latifah.  Now when she became a prominent black actress, comedian, singer/rapper Latifah became a popular name for black people to name their daughters.  This is why I find it hilarious when black people hate Muslims.  Latifah is a traditional Muslim name for a girl.

We can also go back to the crusades where my name first became popular and famous…the King of England was named Richard…Richard the Lion-Hearted.  Actually it should be Ricard Couer de Leon; he wasn’t even English, he was French.  But because it was the King of England’s name, they adopted it.  Since the French Ricard, spelled without the ‘h’, is pronounced Ree-shard, the English bastardized it to Ritch-Hard and spelled it as thus: Richard.

So we arrive at a group of people who hate the French and have begun naming their children a semi-popular (at the time) French name.  There ended up being more English people named Richard then there were French people named it, before the Coeur de Leon came around.

I’d thought of some other ethnic sounding names, too; without getting into the debate about putting ‘eesha’ on the end of things to make it sound like a black name.  Y’know, like the parents who named their daughter Toprameneesha, because they were loved Ramen Noodles?  Look at the name… Top Ramen Eesha.  Tyrone for a black man, Rodrigo for a Latino, Hung for a Chinese guy, and Hamlet for a Danish prince.

All of those names sound ethnic, but I’ve seen them in non-ethnic forms.  I went to school with a white guy name named Tyrone, he goes by T.J. (his middle name is John).  I know a black man named Rodrigo, and the weird thing is he doesn’t have any Latin ancestors, his parents just liked the name Roger and wanted to give him something ‘special’ for a name; as expected he goes by Roger.

I know a white man who goes by the name Hung, and not because of Chinese ancestry, but because he thinks having a name like Hung (his real name is Howard) will let him get laid more often; but he actually signs things as Hung Lastname, instead of Howard Lastname.  The sad thing is that his last name isn’t Johnson, because Hung Johnson is a porn star’s name, no matter how you look at it and that would have made his paycheck endorsements hilarious.

And finally Hamlet…which is a black girl’s name.  Her father loved Shakespeare and when she was born, he named her Hamlet.

So remember, stereotypes are right sometimes, but wrong others.  The important thing is to be open-minded and hate all people equally because of justified paranoia, like germophobia or greed.

Or y’know…love all mankind or some hippy crap like that.


By the way, funny moment of the day was editing this to find I’d accidentally called Queen Latifah a singer/raper in the first draft of this post.

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