Tekko Review Update!

Thanks to everyone who came out to see us Tekkoshocon this year!  I hope you enjoyed our panels and, if you were one of the lucky few, our door prizes!

As it stands right now we intend to have a few more panels next year, overall we enjoyed Tekko this time, a lot of stuff I was critical about the last time we were there were fixed.

I intend to have a full review up in the coming week or so.

In the meantime, I’m also catching up on DotMs, so expect the September Dick of the Month tomorrow morning!



Behind The Scenes: July DotM

A couple days ago I finally got the July Dick of the Month up.  I had a small stack of pictures on my desk (figuratively speaking, of course; I work in a digital format) and had to decide which one I wanted to use for the Christian school punch line.  I finally went this one…

"Susie, was it worth the eternal hellfire of damnation?" "Totally."

“Susie, was it worth the eternal hellfire of damnation?” “Totally.”

But there were a couple of other good ones I didn’t use.  I hated to waste them, so here’s a short Photopost to show you the ones that were ‘cutting-room floor’ for the Dick of the Month post.  A few of them are just generally funny, a few of them are tragically thought-provoking.  One is just cruelly thought-provoking.  I’ll try not to end on the cruel one.



If you’re happy and you know it, rub your dick! What, the book says we can’t do that, either?


Those poor doctors, if only we could make it up to them by paying them inordinate sums to save our lives. 

Yeah, this was the cruel one I was talking about. That God I didn’t end with–whoops.


The Godcebo effect.



Catching Up to DotM.

I just realized how far behind on the Dick of the Month posts I am.  I am working to fix that issue and you can expect…January?  Holy crap, I am far behind!

So, yeah, you can expect January’s DotM tomorrow, early afternoon.

Thanks for your patience.


August Dick(s) of the Month: Guys Who Robbed Patricia Slaughter

When thinking of Dicks of the Month, I look to people who go above and beyond…or rather, below and beyond the expectation of civility.  The guy who shoots up a theater doesn’t win Dick of the Month (although Psychopath of the Month would be a good award for him) but the victim who abandoned his injured wife and two young children at the theater does.

You know another good way to get on the Dick of Month lists?  Try robbing a 65-year-old disabled woman who was on her way to church to pick up some donated bread.  Stealing her last $50, which was supposed to tide her over until the following month, her ring, her ID, and her watch.

Oh they took one other thing…her motorized wheelchair.  The only way the two-time heart attack survivor, with diabetes and osteoporosis, can get around.  She uses her motorized wheelchair to get to church, go to the store, to go anywhere.

A woman who, by the sounds of the report, lives off her social security checks, needs a motorized wheelchair to get around, and only had $50 to live one; on her way to the local rectory from some donated bread.  That was these guys’ target.

They drove up to her in a truck around 7:30 in the evening and offered her some cash to come home with them.  Aside from the perverse nature of their likely intention, Ms. Patricia Slaughter, the aforementioned and self-described old lady, politely refused their offer.

At that point they leapt into action and one of the men jumped out of the truck, tugged her from the wheelchair, stepped on her chest and told her not to get up, stuffed the wheelchair in the back of the truck, robbed her, and then drove off.

I’d like to say there’s some good news in that the guys got arrested…but unfortunately they’re still at large.

The one bit of good news though, is that Ms. Slaughter got a new wheelchair donated to her.  Hopefully they’ll catch the bastards who robbed the poor old lady.

Is bastard too strong of a word for them?  Then how about…this?

August Dicks of the Month!

Missing Dicks of the Months?

So I was just doing some looking around and discovered that I made a mistake when uploading the Dick of the Month posts for May and June.  Turns out I uploaded them as drafts, not as Posts.  What does that mean?  It means you couldn’t read them.  So the coming week will be Dick of the Month Week.

Monday we’ll have May’s Dick of the Month.

Wednesday we’ll have June’s Dick of the Month.

And we’ll top it all off with July’s Dick of the Month on Friday!

Unless something goes terribly awry…like me uploading them wrong, again.


April Dick of the Month: Jeremy Faison

Sorry I’m so late on this post, I try to keep them closer to the beginning of the month, but as long as I get it done before the month actually ends, I guess I’m still within my deadline.

Anywho, with the recent amendment banning gay rights, and also a few straight unmarried rights, in North Carolina there seems to have been an explosion of gay and anti-gay rhetoric around.

So this decision was kind of hard…we’ve got the common citizen voter voting to ensure that homosexuals don’t have the same rights as them, going so far as to diminish their own rights in such severe cases as domestic abuse.  That’s more stupid than dickish, though, I suppose.

Then we have Pastor Charles Worley saying we should round up the 19 million homosexuals in America and put them in concentration camps until they die off; not to mention the idiots who support him in night-prayer vigils.

But he’s from North Carolina, so I guess I’m going to expect that out of Northern Caroliners nowadays.  That and Worley’s comments technically happened in May, so he doesn’t count for this anyway.

But we can’t forget Pastor Sean Harris of a church in Fayetteville, who said you should ‘crack the wrists’ of gay children and force young girls to wear dresses and make-up and abuse them if they ‘act butch’.  North Carolina is just overwhelming me at the moment, I think I need to move to a different topic location.

And that brings me to Tennessee where we have Tennessee State Representative Jeremy Faison (Surprise, he’s a Republican!).  He refers to the recent suicides of Philip Parker and Jacob Rogers, homosexuals that were bullied about their sexual orientation until they killed themselves.

Naturally he speaks in favor of the anti-bullying legislation on the docket, right?

Silly hoomans!

He claims that if you were bullied and committed suicide, as bad as that is, it’s not the bully’s fault.  It’s your parent’s fault for not teaching you that what you were doing was wrong!

“Now, instead of sending children to the principal’s audience, we’re sending them to the criminal court,” said Representative Faison, “…there’s people in this room right here who, at one time in their life, were a bully. But you didn’t grow up to be a bad person.”

Yeah!  So what if you bullied a kid until he murdered himself?  That doesn’t make you a bad person.  And y’know what?  I agree with him, that doesn’t make you a bad person.

Wait for it…

It makes you a fucking horrible person!  You sick, hateful, bastard!

I can vaguely see where you can arrive at the conclusion that the bible says homosexuality is wrong, but I still can’t find the part where it says that forcing a homosexual to kill themselves is what Jesus wanted you to do.

Show me the verse(s) in the bible where Jesus said homosexuality is wrong, show me the bible verses where Jesus said you should harass and chide sinners in his name, how me the bible verses where Jesus said that all people should bow before his principles or be maimed, shunned, or discredited.

You won’t find them, because they don’t exist.  But you will, if you look hard enough, find this biblical quote from Jesus (as quoted of Paul in the book of Corinthians):

“If a man be ignorant, let him be ignorant.”

If a man does not follow the ways of the Judeo-Christian rules or its god, let him follow his own path.

But I got off on a tangent there.  To sum it all up, Representative Faison basically just told a bunch of grieving parents that it’s their fault that their children, siblings, cousins, and kin were bullied into suicide.  He then suggested that bullying was not only a minor thing, but that it had no long-lasting effects.

And finally, and this is what really wins him his award, Faison suggests that the proper way to end bully-caused suicides is not to punish bullies, but for parents to bully their children instead of the children being bullied by their own peers.

So for extraordinary idiocy and dickery on the floor of a democratic house of congress, we hereby award Tennessee State Representative Jeremy Faison…

April 2012…Dick of the Month!

Dick of the Month: Rep. Jeremy Faison

Dick of the Month: Rush Limbaugh

Has anyone heard about Rush Limbaugh’s misogynistic and inflammatory commentary?  No, no, not in general, I mean the particular comments he made at the start of the month about law student Sandra Fluke?  He called Ms. Fluke a slut, because she wants taxpayers to pay her money to have sex.  The problem with that?  That’s not what she wants, at all.

She wants employers to have to supply contraceptive coverage in their insurance programs.  This costs taxpayers nothing and it, really, has nothing to do with sex.  My fiancé has used birth control pills since she was in her early teens, years before she had anything to do with sex.  Why, you ask?  Because the estrogen and progesterin supplements the pills are comprised of helped to decrease the amount bleeding on her periods; instead of a bucket she had a cup.  It also decreased the severity of her menstrual cramps, causing significant pain relief for her.

Ms. Fluke has said that in her area contraceptives can cost over $3,000 a year.  I know my fiancé spends about $240 in birth-control pills alone, each year (thanks to Planned Parenthood’s low-income prices).  If you want to throw condoms into that mix, the cheapest (and therefore crappiest) brand at the local CVS store costs $1.30 a piece.  If you have sex once a week that’ll add on $67.60 a year.

So if you are in a healthy relationship and don’t want children, taking into account Dr. Oz’s advice that you should make love 3 times a week to keep the relationship healthy; that’ll actually add $202.80 a year for condoms.  Now, if you have a lubrication problem you can add on another .25 per achievement of intercourse to that, adding on another $39.

So all in all a low-income woman could have a healthy relationship for about $346.60.  My fiancé made $8,000 a year, last year.  That’s 4% of her income in contraceptions; that’s almost as much as I spend in gasoline a year, just to get to work.  And that’s thanks to Planned Parenthood and it’s providing low or no-cost birth control to low-income women.

Now let’s let the Republicans win the debate and defund Planned Parenthood, let’s get rid of the organization, entirely.  Now it costs $150 a week for birth control pills.  So now the woman who only makes $8,000 a year has to pay $7906.60.  Which leaves her with $93.40 to pay rent, bills, tuition, car insurance and fuel costs to get to work, etc.

So a woman in a long-term relationship, or even one that is not, should have to pay between 3 and 8 thousand dollars a year under the Republican ideology?  Well that’s what Rush Limbaugh is saying.  He’s saying that if you have sex, you are a whore.  So all four of Rush Limbaugh’s wives are whores, because they’ve all had sex with Limbaugh.  As a matter of fact, Rush Limbaugh is a slut, too!

Anyone who has sex is a slut and will cost the taxpayers millions of dollars!  I don’t know why, but Rush says it, so it must be true, right?

Anyone who listens to the drivel spat by this retard deserves to have their right to vote redacted, quite frankly.

You know you’re overly misogynistic when you make a comment about women and Rick Santorum says, ‘Woah, too far buddy, too far.

So, the ability to make Rick Santorum say that women should be treated better?  That earns Rush Limbaugh his first spot (probably won’t be his last, I imagine) spot on Dick of the Month.

February Dick of the Month: Julie Gurta

I’m sure we all have some experience with different languages, whether you learned Spanish in High School or just call customer service and attempt to piece Pashto together.  I’ve always wanted to learn another language, and I’ve attempted so a few times.  I have studied Japanese, Chinese (Mandarin and Cantonese), Korean, Russian, Italian, French, and Arabic.  Sadly my studies always resulted in the same event:

I learn pronunciation, a few words…and then my memory fails me and I can’t memorize enough words to become fluent.

So being able to know even the lowliest phrase from another language is something I’m proud of.  And I think that most teachers would agree that learning a second language is a good studious effort.

But not Ms. Julie Gurta, a teacher from the Sacred Heart Middle School in Shawano, Wisconsin.  No Siree, Ms. Gurta believes that school is not a place for diversity and knowledge, apparently.

When seventh-grader Miranda Washinawatok told her friends ‘I love you’ in her Native American family’s tribal language of Menominee, Ms. Gurta was quick to snap into action.

“She sort of threw her hands down on her desk and said don’t be talking like that,” claimed the seventh-grader.  Apparently the teacher continued with this gem, “How would you like it if I started talking Polish?”

I think that would be a great lesson, teaching the kids some Polish; what a learning experience, how wonderful!  But no, instead Gurta scolded the student in the middle of class for speaking in a language the teacher couldn’t understand.

Young Miranda was also forced to sit-out her next middle-school basketball game; her mother was told it was because Miranda was ‘disrespectful to a teacher’.  But when Miranda’s mother asked which teacher, administrator, or coach had handed down the punishment, all she got were blank stares and the runaround.  Nobody knew who or why Miranda was not allowed to participate…she just wasn’t allowed to participate is all.

Some weeks later, after several local news agencies bombarded the school with questions (and were subsequently directed to the Wisconsin Arch-Diocese because it is a Catholic School) a round of apologies began to surface.  First the Arch-Diocese issued an apology, then the school itself and the principal apologized, as did the girl’s basketball coach.

And finally we arrive at why Ms. Gurta is…February Dick of the Month.  Ms. Gurta also offered an apology, but not so much to Miranda, but rather to Miranda’s parents.  Ms. Gurta apologized for not disciplining Miranda earlier and not giving her a harsher discipline.  Apparently Gurta believed that Miranda’s atrocities should have been brought to the attention of those in power long before she called the student out in the middle of a class of mostly other Native Americans for being ‘different’.  Even though, really, Gurta is the odd-woman out for being Polish in a room full of Native Americans.

“Unfortunately, the actions of your daughter were not brought to your attention as quickly as they should have been, and for this I apologize.”

And for that pseudo-apology, Julie Gurta, you are February’s Dick of the Month.

3/27/2012 Update:

Given the challenge of my sources, I have decided to do something I don’t normally do…include full sourcing for this story.  I normally don’t like to clutter my posts with a dozen or so links, because in the end we’re just an entertainment site and not a legitimately sanctions news outlet.  I get all my info from other people like CNN, Yahoo!, or local news outlets.  So if you want to read the same story fifty times like I do for each of these, have at it (they all open in new windows, see how many you can open at one time before the computer crashes, I dare you!).

Yahoo! Story

Green Bay Press-Gazette

NBC26 Online Story

Principal Dan Minto’s Letter to Parents (.pdf file)

The Raw Story’s story on the Diocese’s Apology

Huffington Post

The Shawno Leader’s Counseling Story

The Native News Network

Grassroots Marketing

So, after a mind numbingly boring day watching the Academy Awards’ Red Carpet on CNN and a documentary about the bumfuckery of the Branch Davidian Sect’s Waco Compound Siege by the ATF in the early ’90s, also on CNN, I left work and headed for home.  But lo and behold…I was low on fuel for my van.

Yeah, I’m that cool…I drive a minivan and don’t have any children.

I also have a puppy...

So anyway…I pulled into the gas station and got everything ready, only to find the pump I pulled up to was not working.  The LCD screen was magnetized and wouldn’t change screens.  So I turned the van around and pulled in to another pump.  While getting out the gentleman on the other side of the pump saw the url located on the side of my van.  He took a picture and said he was going to put it on twitter.

I relished the free advertising, to be honest.  Then he and I discussed the Dick of the Month feature we have here and he gave an impromptu submission for Dick of the Month: Himself.  He told me that the guy who fired him a year ago just committed suicide…and that he felt like a dick, because he couldn’t help but not feel bad.  But then he disqualified himself for admitted that he felt a little bad since the guy had a wife and daughter when he died.

I’m sorry sir, you were born with a conscience and therefore are disqualified for the position of Dick of the Month.  The good news is that makes you a productive member of society!

I so love the chance at grassroots marketing, even if he did catch me as I was getting off work and half asleep/ravenously hungry.  Because that means the twelve dollars I spent to put that sign with my url on it was worth it.


Dick of the Month: Capt. Francesco Schettino

Anybody who has ever been on a cruise knows the deal.  You go to the port, get on the boat, and have a week or so of pure, unobtruded luxury.  The biggest fear you have is that your spouse will kill you in your cabin.

But now we have to worry (I say we, like I have the money to go on a cruise…haha) about Captains who don’t know how to pilot boats.

Such is the case on the Carnival Cruise Line’s subsidiary company Costa Cruises in Italy.  The captain of the Costa Concordia was one Capt. Francesco Schettino.  And apparently he was a pretty schetty captain.  He brought the vessel too close to the shoreline so that the crew could wave to family and friends on the island.

Or is Schettino actually a pretty good captain and he’s just getting the short-end of the stick?  That’s the question we’re going to try to answer here.

Spoiler Alert: We're pretty sure he's a shitty captain.

So the ship sailed too close to the island, and struck a projection of rocks.  Schettino then pulled a hard turn and ran the ship aground to keep it from sinking or capsizing, giving the people on board enough time to get off the ship.

He then abandoned ship and left his unprepared and uninformed crew to handle things without him.  Although Schettino said that he fell into a lifeboat.  But during a wiretapped phone call to a friend he admitted that when he realized how bad the situation was…he decided to get the hell out of there.

Schettino seems to be mostly looking at manslaughter for the deaths of the people trapped on board, abandoning ship during an evacuation, and some other general malfeasance stuff.

But the people who survived are looking at about $1,400 in compensation for lost luggage and emotional distress.  A group of passengers have already started a class-action suit seeking damages of about $460 million, though.

If we assume the lawyers will get 50% of that, there’s between 6 and 10 plaintiffs for the suit.  So that’ll give them all about $29 million apiece.  But if we add in half of the 4,000 passengers to make it a worthwhile class-action suit, then we’re looking more at about $115,000 per person.  That’s a pretty acceptable amount, to me.

All in all…I’d say that Capt. Schettino should definitely some good charges.  His captain’s licensing should be revoked, some jail time, some fines, maybe even restrict him from even being allowed to get a fishing license.

Why should he go through all these things?  Because he’s a Schett-head, but mostly because he’s a really bad captain.  And although it has no legal bearing on anything…I’ve still adopted Capt. Francesco Schettino as the January Dick of the Month.


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