DJ Comic: November Holidays Part 2


Rich actually used to work with chemicals when I first met him.  And as I was making the panel within a panel I imagine Rich using the “cranberry” voice from Game Grumps.

It might as well be erection day, it’s just a bunch of dicks dicking around trying to dick everyone else out of their money.  And I’m just a perv too, if you haven’t already noticed.

Rich and I both really like V for Vendetta.  And Rich can really recite that from memory, it’s pretty nifty.



Barack Obama Wins 2nd Term

I’m not exactly sure if I’d call it a win for him, but Obama is our president for another 4 years.  Or at least until a psychotic Republican can murder him; I’m betting on it being Karl Rove, right now.

Now I’m not a big fan of Obama, by any means, but I am very happy that Mitt Romney didn’t win.  And I’m incredibly elated that a bunch of Tea Party psychoes are gone from Congress, too.  Todd Akin, Richard Mourdock, Roger Rivard, Tom Smith (especially since he’s here in PA), John Koster, and especially that ass-hat Joe Walsh whom I couldn’t stand in the least.

But of course there are some butthurt Romney fans/Republicans out there.  I’ve heard folks talk about how much they hate Obamacare, so they’re moving to Canada.  Head’s up folks, Canada laughs at how conservative Obamacare is; they actually have tax-funded universal health care, and have had it for a long time.

Of course there was Karl Rove freaking out about Ohio going Democrat on Fox News, there was Donald Trump’s massive tantrum wherein he called for Republicans to unite and lead an armed revolution on Washington D.C. (if not for the faulty reason, I’d actually be able to get behind that idea; head for the House of Representatives, though, not the White House), and here’s a few more examples…

This tumblr page called White People Mourning Romney is rather amusing.

I liked this woman’s point about comparing your candidate’s defeat to a tragedy, by reminding everyone what a real tragedy is.

Now this a fuckin’ tragedy! We let that reproduce; why?

That being said I can’t wait until 2016 when we’ll have the Democrat ticket of Hilary Clinton and Joe Biden (they need him for entertainment value) vs. the Republican ticket of Paul Ryan and Marco Rubio (sorry Chris Christie, you fucked up by accepting aid for your beleaguered and destroyed state from Obama; shame on your for doing your job as governor!).


No, I’m just kidding…I surely can wait.  Hell why is that three days after the election I’m still seeing Super Pac ads for the Republicans?  Did they not realise what day the election was?  Emphasis on was.

October Dick of the Month: Paul Ryan

I try to keep politics out of the Dick of the Month.  I’ve talked about Rush Limbaugh before, but that was because he’s personally a dick, I don’t care about his dickish politics.  But alas, sometimes you do something so outrightly dickish in the name of politics, that we have to feature you anyway.  Such as Jeremy Faison’s idiotic rant in favor of bullying on the Tennessee state congressional floor.

And that is where our future Vice-President Paul Ryan (please let me be wrong!!) comes into the story.  You see he and his crony Mitt Romney are trying to get elected by, well…by us, actually.

Unfortunately for Paul Ryan he had a habit in his younger days of talking about hero, Ayn Rand.  Now the Ayn Randian philosophy, called Objectivism, is that charity is a bad thing and that the only way to further society is to promote self-interest, selfishness, and unmitigated free enterprise.

In case you want an idea of how that might work, play the game Bioshock, because the hellish underwater dystopia of Rapture is based on the ideology of Ayn Rand’s Objectivism.

I’ve seen on the news an expert on Objectivism talk about how Ayn Rand would not have liked Mitt Romney, because of how much he donates to charity and to the Mormon Church, especially, since the Mormon Church uses that money to fund its own charitable activities.

But Paul Ryan certainly would have made Ayn Rand proud this time.  You see, he was trying to distance himself from his Objectivist roots to make himself look better for the camera to the poor populace who he needs to vote for him and Romney.

Ryan got some pictures taken inside a Soup Kitchen, washing some dishes in a suit and tie…and an apron.  The problem is…this was apparently after the lunch-time meal was served around noon, when the Soup Kitchen wasn’t even open.  The dishes were already clean and he just sprayed water on them.

He also lied to the person in charge and claimed that they had permission to film in there.  They didn’t.  Paul Ryan got his pictures, washing the clean dishes, and left.  The pictures went viral, as was intended, and the owner of the Soup Kitchen was pissed about it.

You see, the St. Vincent De Paul Society Soup Kitchen runs on donations from private institutions such as wealthy donors and organizations.  As the society president states:

“We’re a faith-based organization; we are apolitical because the majority of our funding is from private donations.  It’s strictly in our bylaws not to do it. They showed up there, and they did not have permission.”

First off, we have Ryan’s own comments that would make Ayn Rand very sad, “This is what makes society go. It makes it work.  Helping people.”

Secondly, we have the damage he’s done to the institution that would probably even make Ayn Rand blush.

You see, because of letting the Republican VP nominee into the soup kitchen, the St. Vincent De Paul Society lost a number of their Democrat donors.  Then, for coming out and saying that Paul Ryan used his position and influence to lie his way through the doors and that he wasn’t allowed in there after all, the St. Vincent De Paul Society lost a number of their Republican donors.

So, for cleaning a few spotless pans so hard that you managed to put a Soup Kitchen, feeding the poor and homeless, out of business…you, Congressman Paul Ryan are the October Dick of the Month.


Electoral College…You’re Fired! Pt. 2

So, last time I spoke about the Electoral College.  Today I’ll say how I think it should work.

I think each state should have equal footing.  We don’t adjust a state’s importance based on how many people live in it…we don’t have 50 differently sized stars on the flag, we are a union of 50 states all of equal rank and stature.  Except in the House of Representatives (which should be gotten rid of) and the Electoral College (also needs rid of).

California has 55 votes, Texas has 38, and Alaska has 3.  Bullshit, they’re all states, they’re all equally liable to be given federal funds, and they all deserve equal representation.  We don’t have 310 million stars on the flag; we have 50.

The government should work like this…


The federal government decides the fate of the nation as a whole, all 50 states.  Each state decides the fate of it’s respective counties, however many.  Each county decides the fates of its assorted boroughs and cities.  And each borough or city determines the fates of its respective households, i.e. the people themselves.

Counties shouldn’t decide the presidential election and the federal government shouldn’t decide your local property taxes.

So here is how I think the Electoral College should work.  Each state has 10 electoral votes, regardless of size, population, or anything else.  You need to win 256 electoral votes to win the elections.  Why 256?  Because that’s 50+% of the 510 possible votes.

510?!  Yes…Washington DC currently has 3 electoral votes, so it will be raised to 10 like all the other states.  D.C. doesn’t count as its own state, but it does have sway in the election specifically because it does not answer to any specific state.

Why 10 votes?  Because the electoral votes will be based on the popular vote, we’ll get rid of electors entirely.  Now you will get 1 vote for each 10% of the popular vote you get in a state.  So if you only get 17% of the popular vote, instead of winning the presidency…you’ll only have 86 electoral votes.  If you have 78% of the popular vote you will win the presidency with 397 electoral votes.

Much better, right?


Electoral College…You’re Fired! Pt. 1

It’s probably no secret that I’m not a big fan of the Electoral College.  I’m also not a big fan of the House of Representatives, Islamaphobia, Homophobia, over taxation of the poor, or Paris Hilton.

But with the election right around the corner, I’m going to talk about the Electoral College, today.  You all know what the Electoral College is, right?  It’s the thing that makes your vote for President meaningless.  Remember how Al Gore won the election, but G.W. Bush became president?  Well that’s because Al Gore didn’t win the electoral vote.  And before you conservative schmucks claim I’m just a crazy, liberal democrat…I supported Bush against Gore, because I can’t stand Al Gore.  I’m glad Al Gore wasn’t president, but he should have been is my point.  Even a blind pig finds and acorn and even a corrupt bourgeoisie organization like the Electoral College can get it right once in a while.

Now here’s how it works in a simplified form…

The Electoral College decides who becomes president with each state having a different amount of electoral votes, based on their population.  The first person to reach 270 electoral votes wins the presidency.

Now theoretically that means you need to have the support of over 50% of the country to become president of the United States.  But that’s not true…

For instance, if you were to get over 50% of the support of just 11 states, which equal out to just 20% of the total population of the nation…you still win the presidency.  Let’s look at the situation…

The following will occur if you win the following 11 states: California, Texas, Florida, Georgia, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Illinois, New York, and New Jersey.

You will have 270 votes spread across the 11 states.

Your opponent will have only 268 votes spread across the remaining 39 states.

So if you lose 78% of the states, but you’re still president over all 50 states; just because of the way the Electoral College is set up.  If you win the majority of a state, which you can do with less than 50% of the electoral vote if there are more than 2 candidates, you get all of the electoral votes.  I think there may be exceptions in Nebraska and Maine, where the electoral votes are split, but nonetheless for the majority it is winner-take-all.

Now, admittedly the likelihood of this particular scenario playing out is highly unlikely.  California has been democrat since 1992, Texas has been Republican since 1980, Georgia has been Republican since 1996, and Illinois has been Democrat since 1992.

But, it’s not impossible.

So let’s assume you get the most votes of these 11 states in a 3 person election, you could conceivably get only get 35% of each state and you get all 270 votes with only what would be the equivalent of like 17% of the population actually supporting you.

Sounds like a really foolproof system, huh?  Yeah, didn’t think so.

Here’s a map to show you what I’m talking about.

My next post will speak of how I think it could be fixed.


Ron Paul For…Real?

Sorry for the late-night update, instead of my usual morning updates.  I figured I’d give you folks something now, rather than tomorrow morning.

With the rising of Ron Paul’s poll numbers I feel it time to speak about Ron Paul.  But first let me talk about my feelings on the GOP candidates as a whole: I never liked Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Newt Gingrich, or Michelle Bachman; at least not as a Presidential candidate.  I have to admit that Mitt Romney and Rick Perry seem like great guys to hang out with, especially Perry, but I don’t like them to run my country.

I did like Herman Cain because he was trying to do something different; I’m not sure if it would have worked, but it was something different.  And different is what we need.

Now before I go too much further, let me add that I voted for John McCain in the last election.  If for no other reason than because I wanted him for the past two elections and they kept giving me Dubya.  And yes, I supported Dubya…mostly because I couldn’t stand his competition.  Gore was a hypocritical profiteer and Kerry was a horse-faced liar who couldn’t even keep his lies about his service in Vietnam straight.

That being said I would have voted for the Republican even if they hadn’t finally run McCain, because I never liked Obama.  If they had run Hillary, instead…now we’re considering possibilities.  I liked Clinton, he may have been a philanderer but he was a pretty good president.

I often agree with pivotal Democrat policies and ideologies, but I generally favor Republican candidates for President.  I like to refer to myself as somewhere in the glorious, sensible Middle.

Now with all that out of the way, let’s finally talk about Ron Paul.  I like Ron Paul…I liked him last time, I liked him the time before…I’ve liked him ever since I saw him on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno a few elections back.

Why do I like Ron Paul?

We’ve had a lot of bat-shit crazy candidates, a few bat-shit crazy presidents, too.  But they all come out saying, “Look; I’m sane, I’m sensible, I’m going to do things in a progressive, but moderated manner.  Vote for me.”

Not Ron Paul, no sir!  Ron Paul walks out, shakes your hand, says, “Hi, I’m Ron Paul and I’m bat shit crazy.  Vote for me.”

And I like that.  Even if I don’t agree with Ron Paul’s views, I just like the honesty of his approach.  He doesn’t flip-flop for votes, he’s a steady constant bat shit crazy; he doesn’t pander, he just tells you what his bat shit crazy ideas are and how they will benefit you; and he doesn’t wag about like he’s entitled to the presidency, he just asks you to exercise your right to put his crazy ass in the Oval Office.

Add in the fact that I like a lot of his ideas, and I’d argue you have my chosen candidate.

How crazy is he…?

Long before Rick Perry or Herman Cain made a big deal about Flat Taxes, Ron Paul was talking about them.  Over a decade ago, I’d reckon.  So he’s progressive, right?  But what makes that idea so crazy?  Simple.  Herman Cain wanted a 9% flat tax rate (plus 9% Sales tax, so closer 18%), Rick Perry wanted 20%, but Ron Paul wants 0% income tax.

Now I’m not going to lie…that benefits a rich person more than me.  Because he pays 17% tax on a million dollars of income (I wish I could get those millionaire deductions!) and I pay 15% on about 30 thousand dollars of income between my fiancé and me.

Sure he saves $173,000 in taxes and I only save $4,500.  But you know what?  I could really use that extra $4,500 a year.  If I made a million dollars, I wouldn’t care much about one or two hundred thousand!

If we can believe the Republicans that the wealthy create jobs when they have excess money, then the millionaire can hire 5 of my wife and I each year with what he’ll save.  And my wife and I can finally buy ourselves a house to help with the flaccid housing market.

So I’m voting for Ron Paul, even if he doesn’t get the nomination.  I’ll vote write-in if I have to.  I’m not so naïve to believe he could actually accomplish this, because Congress would never allow it…but I’d like to see someone try.  Someone who’s not going to give all my taxes to banks and businesses that are just going to turn around and overcharge me with fees or raised prices.


Edit: For honesty’s sake I edited this post…somewhere along the lines I made a typo and used a 2 instead of a 1, which fudged all my numbers after that point.  I have since fixed that issue.

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