Escort Has Been Released!

Over yonder, the horizon gives way to your destination.  It has been fraught with danger, excitement; lusty nights, arguments, and exaltations.  But finally…yes, finally you have arrived.  It was a long, hard road; one that you are glad you don’t have to walk any longer.  But the experience?  My god, the experience was amazing!

You’ve dodged patrols of roving samurai, rode across the desert sands of Arabia, and gone toe-to-toe with an English baronet.  You’ve survived war; you’ve made love to a luscious maiden or man…or perhaps to something in-between?  And it is all thanks to one thing.  One person, one group.  It was your…



That’s right, folks!  Escort has officially been released.  You can buy it from places like…well…like book stores, of course.  Amazon has it, too.  But your best bet is just to click on that picture right up there.  You know the one, the one with the woman staring right into your soul.  Telling you to purchase her story.

This is not an April Fool’s Joke, either.  Seriously…the book was released today.  And you should go buy it.


Feel free to let me know what you think of it, whether in the comments, or by using that form to the right of this post to send me an e-mail.  Give it a rating on; you can give me a shout-out, a share, a critique, or even a picture of your dog reading the book.  Actually that last one would be adorable.

Did you say she has a penis?

Did you say she has a penis?


If you’d like to keep up to date with me you can always find me on Facebook, Twitter, or YouTube.

In case you missed the post stating that I’ll be at Tekkoshocon 2015, hosting a couple panels, I’ll just remind you folks of that, too.  And if you come up to me after one of my panels on Friday with a print version, I will autograph the shit out of that thing for you.


In case you forgot, here’s another link to the book…



Have I Beat This Horse Enough?

Hey!  Have I mentioned that I wrote a book, coming out in a few days?

Once or twice, yes...

Once or twice, yes…


Okay then, uhh, how about we talk about something else?  Something like…



That’s right folks!  I’ll be hosting panels again this year at Tekkoshocon.  Unless anything changes I will be in Panel Room #3 at 1:30pm on Friday April 17th for How To Avoid Bad Writing.  That’s right, I’ll be teaching you how to not write complete drivel!  Trust me, if anyone knows a bag of crap masquerading as writing, it’s me.

I will then be shifting gears over to History of Sengoku Japan in Panel Room #1 at 4:00pm that same day.  Come by if you have an interest in anything Samurai.

Both panels will have my charismatic Alto spewing forth all kinds of knowledge, not to mention my usual humor (I use the term loosely, in case you’re new to the site), and even some door prizes!


Let’s Talk About Escort (Pt.1)

As you all are probably aware, on April 1st (no joke!) my first published book will be released.  Escort is an assembly of three short stories, all centering on the plot of an ‘escort mission’ happening in each story.  The first story is called The Shrine Maiden’s Secret and it takes place in Japan.  The Yamana family are a venerable samurai clan, but the daimyo has only one child: A daughter named Matsuuri.  Matsuuri is smart and beautiful and loved by her father.  She has recently been accepted to the position of Shrine Maiden of the temple at Hounenji.

Wearing the Do (armor) and Menpo (mask) of her all-female Honor Guard.

Matsuuri wearing the Do (armor) and Menpo (mask) of her all-female Honor Guard.

Hounenji is a holy shrine dedicated to fertility (and a good harvest, of course!) and is run by a Miko, a Shrine Maiden, rather than a male monk.  A great honor for any clan to have a member of their family run the place.  So all the neighboring clans want to ruin the Yamana’s chances at gaining even more esteem by either killing or deflowering Matsuuri (the Miko must be a virgin when she takes over control of the shrine).

Who is the only person that can escort her to Hounenji?  The greatest swordsman of the Yamana clan, of course!  The Red Demon of the Yamana: Wakahisa Yachiro!

'Red' Demon, because he has auburn hair.  In case you were curious.

‘Red’ Demon, because he has auburn hair. In case you were curious.

Yachiro’s father was a drunkard who failed to keep watch at his gate when the Yamana were betrayed and attacked by their former allies, the ambitious and ruthless Sogo clan.  Yachiro enjoys two things: Sword fighting and sex.  When he isn’t training his craft of swordsmanship, he’s putting the moves on the widows of his dead clansmen.

So…who thought it was a good idea to put the clan pervert in charge of escorting the 19-year-old virgin princess to Hounenji?


Officer Rambo, of course!

Officer Rambo, of course!


No, just kidding.  It was me, I wrote it.  I can prove it, too…



See? It has my name on it.



And as far as names go, how do you like Matsuuri and Yachiro’s pictures up there?  That’s the work of a young lady named Kiersten R. Nichols that I found a few months ago while looking at possible artists for upcoming Nic3Ntertainment projects.  I liked her work and decided to hire her for the art to be used in the book trailers that will be making the rounds soon.

Kiersten’s easy to work with, dependable, and has good prices.  If you need some artwork done I’d highly suggest heading over to her site (by clicking on her name) and buyin’ yourself some artwork.


Escort: 1st Round of Edits Completed!


Congratulations to me!  I am one step closer to that coveted position of making you people buy my book!  Err, uhh, of course I mean the coveted position of being a published author.

Yes, that's what I mean...

Yes, that’s what I mean…

The first, and also the second, round of edits are over and I thought I’d share some of the process of editing a book for publication.  Mostly my idiocies.



Simple things like this are the kind of stuff, along with some comma placement and periods.  This is a pretty solid mistake and most of them will be like this when you’re editing a book for publishing.  I wanted to put it in here first, so you get a grasp of what 80-90% of the edits are.

Wary vs. Weary


This one annoyed me, personally, because I had used the correct word, Wary, in the first draft.  When I was editing it for submission I was reading through and second-guessed myself.  I changed wary to weary and nary a good idea was had that day.


Leap Into Action!


This comes from writing parts of the book so far apart.  A pretty simple mistake to fix, just Crtl+F to find and replace all the leaped cases with leapt cases, or vice versa.




Another common thing you have to watch out for is having characters use each other’s names unnecessarily.  It would sound weird, Audience, if I referred to you by your names every time I said something to you.


Who’s They?







Yup!  Yeah, I did that…I spelled the word ‘whoa’ wrong.  3 times in a row, no less.


These are the kinds of things you find out about yourself when editing a book.  You find out, no matter how hard you try, that you are invariably a dumbass.  It might only be once or twice in a book, but somewhere…something…will make you feel like an idiot.  But that’s why we have editors, to make us not look idiots when our books get printed.


Also to steal all our commas!  Editors feed off them, like comma vampires!


Shall We Date?: Abridged

Tons of news for you folks lately!  First I discussed my book being released in a few months, then I told you all about the panels I’ll be hosting at Tekkoshocon again this year.  Oh wait, I haven’t told you that, have I?  Probably because it was only confirmed a day or two ago.  Well, I don’t have timelines, yet, but I am slated to host two panels as it stands right now, with the possibility of a third one.

Now what did I come here to tell you folks?  Oh, that’s right…I’ve also been hired on to a new project as an assisting writer.  It’s a comedic ‘abridged’ series parodying a Dating Sim called “Shall we Date?: Angel or Devil” by NTT Solmare Corp.  If you’re interested, head on over to the trailer (embedded below) and give it a like, the project head is a Ms. Jamy Catalyst.

I originally got interested in the project because it seemed like a good concept and from working on the script I have to say that it does look like it’ll turn out pretty well.  I hope you’ll give it a look when we start releasing the full episodes!


Cover Yourself!

As I’ve mentioned somewhat recently, this site is ostensibly to promote my writing.  It’s really no secret.  However, aside from a few free games that really aren’t making a whole lot of money (we are currently about $500 in the hole for Monster and Dynasty Heroes), there’s no writing here to really market, is there?



Well guess what Mother Smuckers?

Okay so "Mother+Smuckers" doesn't get much besides jelly recipes on Google...

Okay so “Mother+Smuckers” doesn’t get much besides jelly recipes on Google…

To be released in April of 2015, my first published book will be released.  It is called Escort.  It is a collection of three short stories revolving around the escort mission trope.  Each story consists of a subversion of an escort mission.  In the first story, a philandering samurai must escort a virgin princess to a holy temple without letting her be wounded or deflowered.  The second story is a little more historical; taking part in the middle of the 13th century in what is now Egypt and Saudi Arabia as a female mercenary is hired to escort the Sultan’s wife to Mecca for the Hajj.  The final story is a dark tale of a Scottish baron’s daughter being kidnapped and dragged across the border into England by an English baron’s son.  The only person who can rescue her?  A Welsh master huntsman who has fled his homeland and serves the Scottish baron.

In each of these tales there is also a hidden penis.

Not unlike Disney films.

Not unlike Disney films.

In this case, however, it is that in each story one of the characters lives with a terrible secret (or an awesome secret, depending on your political party).  And that secret is that, one character from each story is intersex.  Without spoiling any of the fun…one of the characters is a female with a penis, the other is androgynous but identifies as a tomboyish woman, and another is a man with a vagina (who is forced to identify as female by his family).  If you are familiar with the Japanese term Futanari then you’ve got a pretty good idea of what’s going on (the link is NSFW…uhh, not that much of anything I’m talking about in this paragraph really is SFW, actually).

And yes, the stories are all erotic romances, but they also have action, political intrigue, adventure, and humor.  With all the recent news about transgender and intersex people right now, what with CNN devoting half their day’s news to Bruce Jenner’s transformation into a woman and the recent suicide of Leelah Alcorn still fresh in everybody’s mind I hope that my book can help be a bridging point.  It’s not just something to read while squatting on a sybian (ridiculously NSFW link!) or ‘rubbing in some lotion’.  It’s a set of three stories with as close to real people as I can portray in writing.  Real people with androgynous features and enough extra genitalia to confuse CPAC for a decade.

So remember me and Escort come April when it is released!

That’s my name on ‘at sonuva-gunn! 🙂


Now you know why my updates have been a bit irregular.  Of course, regular updates from me might be kind of irregular around here, actually.

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