Songs That Just Don’t Hold Up.

I had another day where I had to listen to the radio. I happened upon a country station which was actually playing a that song I liked. When it was over they played an oldie from Travis Tritt that I remembered from my youth.

Half way through the song, I realized that the song was no longer topical. It did not match up with the current-day technology. The song’s main line goes, “Here’s a quarter; call someone who cares.”

Twenty years ago…that made sense. But someone half my age might not even understand the reference at all. When was the last time you saw a pay phone for a quarter?  For that fact, when was the last time you saw pay phone on the corner here in America?

I figure that since we’re updating Mark Twain to be politically correct (a travesty, by the way), we can update Travis Tritt, too. We should make him go back to the studio and re-record the song with the line, “Here’s a Cell Phone; call someone who cares.”

All in all it made me start thinking of other songs that just didn’t stand the test of time thanks to technology. The first was an old song about a girl leaving home, called 26 Cents by The Wilkinsons. It had a line something to effect of, “Here’s a penny for your thoughts, a quarter for the call, and all of your Momma’s love.”

What can this get me? Nothing? Okay, that's cool.

What can this get me? Nothing? Okay, that’s cool.

Sweet, right? But not very topical today. Once again, how and where will she call for 25 cents. Not to mention a penny doesn’t go very today, so the thought wouldn’t be worth listening to. And if her momma really loved her, she’d take her to a Cricket store and get her a cell phone, too. Apparently she needs to call someone who cares, and it ain’t momma.

Then this song made me think of another one which wouldn’t work out in today’s world! The Desert Rose Band had a song called, One Step Forward.

The line from the older song says, “One step forward and two steps back; a dance like this can never last.”

Well of course not! Not in a world where a few years ago a school decided to close the winter dance because students were refusing to go. Why did they refuse? Because the school’s rules prohibit the ‘grinding’ style of dancing. School rules state that at all school functions students must face each other when dancing. So students realized that meant that grinding would not be allowed…so they refused to go to the dance. Then they all got worried that prom would be canceled, or even worse…boring! Because of the grinding ban.

I can see both sides of this argument. On the one hand, the school’s telling the kids how they are and are not allowed to dance? What is this Footloose?

On the other hand…the kids won’t dance because they’re not allowed to dry-hump their girlfriends in public? What is this, Nevada?

Hell, I think both sides should come together and compromise. The kids can grind at the dance…but only in guy/guy and girl/girl combos. My wife would really like that first one.

They both look super-confused about what's happening right now.

They both look super-confused about what’s happening right now.

Oh my god! What about Singing a Song of Sixpence? How much is six pence even worth nowadays…? Ungh!


No, really…Mimi would love to see a bunch of guys dirty-dancing together. She’s suggested a video submission contest. I vetoed it.