Game Making Blooper: Nasud’s Bloody Scooting

I mentioned it on our Facebook page, but in case you don’t follow us on there here’s the story…

You see, I’d just wanted to give everyone an idea of how making games works sometimes.
One of the changes we’ve made for Monster: DC is a minor visual one, but it was important to us.
After the final boss battle we had wanted the boss to wander away from the battle wounded, leaving a trail of blood behind him. But we hadn’t had enough time to get the blood trail to work properly before the original release date.
We’ve implemented it now for the Director’s Cut, but when we were doing it I’d had some trouble getting it to work right.
So, I made an empty chamber to test the feature in. This was attempt #8, and it gave us the information we needed to make things work. However it had its own humorous bug to tweak out, too.

Just one of the many implementations we’ve had to debug.

~RCS

Memorial Day 2015

As is pretty usual on the real holidays (Veteran’s Day, Memorial Day, y’know, holidays that actually matter) we are bringing some solemn humor to DickJutsu.com.  We’ve done it for prior Memorial Day celebrations.  As is common here, we have a photopost full of humorous military memes, jokes, and such.  So let’s get to it.  If you’ve served some of these may hit pretty close to home, if you haven’t…remember that some of this shit is stuff that people who do serve have to deal with.

First a few jokes at the expense of my Army buddies…

 

And nobody can forget the first wave of any war…the Air Force.

 

And we can’t neglect the Navy.  Without them how would the Marines get across the world to win our wars?

Speaking of the good ‘ol USMC…

Okay, so maybe I’m a little biased.  Here’s a few at Marine  expense…

And don’t forget the cute widdle Coast Guard!

So, remember…this a day to celebrate the men, women, and cute puppies that serve in the U.S. Military!

And always remember.  Troops in combat situations love care packages.  Whether they have yummy snacks, a flak jacket that Army budget cuts couldn’t give them, or y’know, the important stuff…

~RCS

Sandwich Thief!

Update: Some of you have already read this post, because WordPress and I derped out and this went live, but went to the back of the timeline.  Here it is, in the proper sequence.

The wife and I were at work (we worked together the other day) and for lunch she had made us up some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. She made me two and then made herself one, which she put extra peanut butter and jelly on, because she likes really thick sandwiches.

I got hungry and went for the lunchbox, discovering that she had put all three sandwiches in the same Tupperware container. I grabbed one and started eating it.

Half way through the sandwich she decides to ask if I grabbed the correct one. I was like…

She checked the container and then went on a tirade, bitching about me having eaten her sandwich, because I grabbed the wrong one. She claimed that she put her sandwich into the container, backwards from how my two were and that I had grabbed hers by mistake.

She then took the remaining half of the sandwich and ate it. I continued to protest that I couldn’t tell her system and after about fifteen minutes of going back and forth she pulled the container back out and pointed to it saying, “See how both of the sandwiches are facing the same…wait a minute…”

She quickly shoved the container back in the lunch bag and muttered, “Oops.”

I had eaten the correct sandwich, which means that she had not only stolen my sandwich, but she had berated me for stealing hers for almost half an hour.

There was only one thing to do in recompense…I tickled her until she almost peed herself.

~RCS

And I changed her display name in my phone’s contacts to Sandwich Thief.

Pulled Over And Not Tested?

So last night the wife and I were driving home from getting some shopping done and we decided to hit one of our favorite spots to eat: Applebee’s.  She had chicken and shrimp and I had a 9 oz steak and we shared a dessert.  Including tip, and drinks, it was under $40; not a bad set, especially since we had some leftovers for breakfast today.

But let’s go back to those drinks I had mentioned.  She had the Mango Lemonade and I had a cup of tea.  Neither of which is boozy.  So skip ahead a few minutes to when we’re driving home and I see flashy-lights behind me.

Uhh, not that kind of flashy lights.

Yeah, something a little more like that.

So I pulled into the next parking space and proceeded to make an ass out of myself to a kindly police officer.  Being in the industry I work in and the industries I work alongside, I generally have pretty congenial pull-overs; I know the proper protocols, I know the questions, I know the responses…I know when to reach for things and when to sit still with my hands on the steering wheel knowing that I’m also a paranoid psychopath that often has a small armory in my vehicle.

So question 1 that I failed at, when he saw my concealed carry permit:

 

“Do you have a firearm with you?”

 

 

 

 

“No, sir, not on me.”

 

 

 

“Do you have any other weapons in the vehicle?”

 

 

 

 

“…I, uhh, I…don’t think so?”

 

 

 

 

“Well look, you either have a firearm or you don’t, and it’s kind of important to me what the answer to that is.”

 

 

Now the issue here is…we had considered wearing our costumes to Applebee’s.  And as I mentioned in an earlier post, our costumes were that of samurai.  Complete with killer-quality blade swords.  We had debated wearing the costumes with the wooden practice swords, but we had decided to just slum it and dress down.  I was wearing a gray hoodie over top of one of my DickJutsu shirts (which I can shamelessly remind you that you can purchase here).  So finally the correct response…

 

 

“No, sir, no weapons on me at this moment.”

 

 

 

Then he explained that he had been following me for a few blocks and that I had swerved past the fog lines on the road.  I can certainly believe it, the lines on that particular road need repainted and it was raining, so I couldn’t even argue since I couldn’t see the fog lines, myself; good on him that he still could.

Now question number two that I failed miserably at:

 

 

“Where are you folks coming from?”

 

 

 

 

“Applebee’s, just had some dinner.”

 

 

 

“Have any drinks, there?”

 

 

 

 

“No sir, I didn’t.”

 

 

 

Now this failure comes from the fact that my wife was considering trying one of their Halloween seasonal alcoholic drinks.  We talked about her getting it, but she opted not to, because she is a pushover when it comes to booze and she decided she still had things to do and that the drink would put her on her ass for the rest of the night.  So I corrected my mistake…

 

 

“Sorry, neither of us had anything.”

 

 

 

Off to a good start!  Regardless, he took my ID, registration, and insurance information and went back to his squad car.  I did violate proper procedures a bit when I rolled my window back up and turned it to accessories to run the heater for a bit, but it was pretty chilly at ten-pm last night.  When he returned I shut it back off and rolled the window down (in that order, because my van is friggin’ awesome and lets me run the door locks and windows for a few minutes after it’s turned off).

During the time he was away, the wife and I had a conversation of our own.

 

 

“Do you think he’s going to give you a sobriety test?”

 

 

 

 

“…?”

 

 

 

 

“What?”

 

 

 

 

“He might!”

 

 

 

 

“Woah, what?  Why are you getting so excited?”

 

 

 

 

“I’ve never been given a sobriety test before!”

 

 

 

Needless to say, I think the cop lied to me.  He came back, returned my stuff and said…

 

 

“Okay, I’ve informed you of the reason for your pull-over.  Do you have any questions?”

 

 

 

And a question that I actually answered correctly…so one out of three ain’t bad, right?

 

 

“No, Sir; thank you.”

 

 

 

The cop walked away, jumped into his car, and pulled away.  Now like I said earlier, I know the procedures…cops don’t just pull away after a pull-over.  I think he either got a call in and figured I was a small-fry or a hard take (since, I was completely sober) or else he was actually pulling me over for a different reason, that somebody had committed a crime in a vehicle like mine but we didn’t match the suspect’s descriptions or such.  Or he might have just had to poop and was on his way back to the station in a hurry.  Who knows?

Anyway, driving home the wife and I had another conversation on the matter and this series of dialogue came up…

 

“Why did you get so excited about being given a sobriety test?”

 

 

 

 

“Because it’s a test that I can ace!”

 

 

 

 

“You are…so retarded.  You don’t want to get sobriety tested!”

 

 

 

 

“Yes, yes I do.  It’s a test I know that I can pass!  I have studied for this test for my entire life!”

 

 

 

“How…how do you study for a sobriety test?”

 

 

 

 

“By not getting drunk.”

 

 

 

 

“I…never mind.”

Argument Won!  1 point for Male!  New score…Male 3, Female 5,768!

 

So remember folks, just like W.C. Fields said…

~RCS

Drive safe, now, Folks!

Engineer Jokes

I work around a lot of engineers.  In the building I work at we have all different kinds of engineers, software engineers, hardware engineers, rail yard engineers, maintenance engineers, custodial engineers, budget engineers…it’s only a matter of time before gun-toting psychopaths take over the building and get the title social engineers.  So since I deal with Engineers day in and day out, here are some jokes at their expense:

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.” The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!” The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!” The priest said, “Here comes the greens-keeper. Let’s have a word with him.” He said, “Hello George, What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?” The greens-keeper replied, “Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!.” The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.” The doctor said, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything she can do for them.” The engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

 

I’m a righter, a writor, a riter…I make words on paper.

The graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?” The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?” The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?” The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. “We’re supposed to find the height of this flagpole,” said one, “but we don’t have a ladder.” The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, “Twenty one feet, six inches,” and walked away. One engineer shook his head and laughed, “A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!”

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Totally worth the $80,000 in student loans!

~RCS

And finally, one last picture…

Half credit? No, I’d get paid in full, just like the guy who made a good bridge.

Sandwich Thief!

The wife and I were at work (we worked together the other day) and for lunch she had made us up some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. She made me two and then made herself one, which she put extra peanut butter and jelly on, because she likes really thick sandwiches.

I got hungry and went for the lunchbox, discovering that she had put all three sandwiches in the same Tupperware container. I grabbed one and started eating it.

Half way through the sandwich she decides to ask if I grabbed the correct one. I was like…

She checked the container and then went on a tirade, bitching about me having eaten her sandwich, because I grabbed the wrong one. She claimed that she put her sandwich into the container, backwards from how my two were and that I had grabbed hers by mistake.

She then took the remaining half of the sandwich and ate it. I continued to protest that I couldn’t tell her system and after about fifteen minutes of going back and forth she pulled the container back out and pointed to it saying, “See how both of the sandwiches are facing the same…wait a minute…”

She quickly shoved the container back in the lunch bag and muttered, “Oops.”

I had eaten the correct sandwich, which means that she had not only stolen my sandwich, but she had berated me for stealing hers for almost half an hour.

There was only one thing to do in recompense…I tickled her until she almost peed herself.

~RCS

And I changed her display name in my phone’s contacts to Sandwich Thief.

Stupidity Is Not ‘Subtle’

I saw a picture on Facebook yesterday when I got home from work that said, “Whoever put the letter ‘B’ in ‘Subtle’ deserves a Pat on the Back.”

There were the usual responses to anything about English spelling, such as spelling ‘Lisp’ with an ‘s’, spelling ‘stutter’ with a trio of ‘t’ to do just that on, and of course the debate of whoever/whomever.  Not to mention the Brits and Aussies coming and reminded us that we continually forget the loose ‘u’ in colour, labour, armour, and half the words that end in ‘r’.

But then in the middle of all that was this comment:

“that would be God.”

That is verbatim how it was spelled.  Since she didn’t capitalize the ‘t’ in ‘That’ it would imply that ‘God’ is what she intended to spell and she didn’t just misspell ‘good’.

This woman apparently believes that God invented the English language.  This is why voting should require passing a test.

And I’m not sure who would give or design the test, because some time before that a woman said that she got a teaching job by proving that the letter B has no sound of its own.  It only sounds like a ‘b’ when a vowel follows it, like Bus, Bee, Bat, Boat, and Bow.  Until someone pointed out a few of the following..

Submarine, Subtitle, Subwoofer, Black, Brag, or Breakfast.

Even if you assume she meant that a b only has a sound when followed by a vowel…at any point, we still have these words which prove she’s an idiot and whoever hired her is an even bigger idiot:

Stub, Bub, Bob, Fob, Stab, and Crab.

Those don’t have any vowels following them, but they still like a ‘b’.

 

Also one of the funnier and less tragic comments…

If you took the gh in enough, the o in women, and the ti from motion then the word Ghoti would be pronounced Fish.

~RCS

That’s pronounced Are-See-Ess, not Dee-Ka-Ssay, by the way.

Professional Crastination…Like a Boss.

I was going to write a blog post today…but then I watched these parody videos all day long.  If you’re a fan of Dragon Ball Z you’ll probably enjoy these.  And if you’re not a fan and hate DBZ…you might even enjoy them more.

Get a taste of Piccolo’s Ding-a-Ling to be sure…

So, watch a few of these videos and enjoy the day the way I did.  Enjoy them the WeeklyTubeShow way.

~RCS

Photopost: Babies and Children

I won’t lie…I’m not a big fan of children.  I consider them somewhat of a necessary evil; very rarely entertaining or cute like most people claim they are.  But occasionally, just every once in a  while, they actually are cute.  Usually with the addition of humorous content to them, like a caption…like the following pictures:

Because she's a wizard, Harry.

Here’s a very young Sonny Corleone, proving that he’s always been the firebrand of the movie mafioso family.

Whatever you say Bossman--err, Bossboy.

Here’s a reminder that not all children are cute…as a matter of fact, not many children are ever cute.  But this kid makes Mr. Bean look good.

How did such a cute woman...make such a hideous creature fall out of her body?

Here’s proof that children are stupid.  I sure as hell wouldn’t take candy from this guy…

As a matter fact, I'd run like hell if he offered me candy. And I'm an adult.

Here’s future economics professor.

I wish I could afford a doll house...

Along with our economics professor, above, we have a future rap artist below…

And here’s a note to all the parents out there who think it’s okay to bring your children along to a fancy dinner.  For the record…it’s not.  McDonald’s is one thing, but don’t bring them to ruin my anniversary dinner at Olive Garden.  I mean, really.

I actually am rather fond of those 'no-kids' restaurants.

Well that’s all folks.  I’ll let you get back to pretending to work…I’ve got something to do myself, too…

Maybe I should get a puppy?

~RCS

This Post Is Eggceptional!

I hope you all have a happy Wednesday, to make sure it’s happy…here’s an eggceptional picture to view this fine morning/afternoon/evening/whenever you happen to stumble on my site.

~RCS