Flag Folding Rant

Hey folks, I’m going to try to keep this one short, although I make no guarantees.  So let’s get started and for good effect we’ll start on a downer.  My Great Grandfather recently passed away.  He was born in 1917, so yeah…97 years old at time of death; only a few months from 98.

Now, being born in 1917 that means that when World War II broke out he was 24 years old.  He enlisted in the U.S. Army and served during the war.  When I was a child I had to interview him for a school project and summed up his war-time service as, “…pushing papers in California.”  Even so, being a war-time veteran he is afforded certain posthumous honors, such as a flag encasing his casket at the funeral and said flag being folded up and given to his eldest surviving daughter (my grandmother).

This is where the rant begins.  You see, this is the American flag:


In case you aren’t aware there is a very specific way you are supposed to fold it.  It should wind up looking something like this when you’re done:

And handing it to the widow(er) or child of the deceased.

And handing it to the widow(er) or child of the deceased.

The Army had sent two E-6 ranked soldiers (Staff Sergeants) to oversee the flag ceremony.  For those completely unknowing of how the army works, the ranks only go to E-9.  In order to get to E-6 you must be a good soldier with about 6 years or an exceptional soldier with about 4 years of service in the Army and have an opening in your MOS (your job class).

So we’re looking at between 8 and 12 years of combined Army experience, if not more.  And they butchered the ceremony.  These two dolts had no idea what they were doing.  Here are some basic directions on how to fold the American flag:


Did you read the directions?  Congratulations, you now are more qualified to perform the ceremony than these two Staff Sergeants were!  They started off by putting the blue field on the top and folding it over so only the stripes were showing.  They managed to figure out their error and corrected it, starting over.

They got it all folded lengthwise, then one of them began bringing up the triangle pattern.  He got to the last fold, step number seven on that picture, and they both just stared at each other for a moment, then they just kind of…wrapped the extra over the edge and crimped it tightly in their hands, like it was a piece of paper they could just fold and crease to stay in place.

Is this what the Army sends to Veteran’s funerals nowadays?  Really?  I’ve seen cub scouts fold a flag way better than these two sods did!

Good god, if they had been my cadets, back when I was in ROTC?  I would have made them do it again, apologize to the next of kin both orally and in writing, and then had a flag put in their profiles for the next promotion cycle so they couldn’t go up another undeserved rank.

And that brings me to how poor of a commanding officer they have.  You really send this kind of trash to oversee the funeral of a veteran?  Turn in your stars, bars, leafs, or whatever you don’t deserve to wear and take off the uniform.  Turn it back in to the quartermasters and just leave.  Go someplace unimportant, like Suriname.

Even you couldn't screw up folding this thing!

Even you couldn’t screw up folding this thing!


Veteran’s Day 2014

I’m sure after a few years of this you all know the drill.  Marine Corps Birthday/Anniversary followed by…Veteran’s Day.  As is usual, we have a Photopost today.  But first, a little something to think about when you’re cheering at a parade or listening to some guy with more stars on his shoulders than brains under his cap give a speech: We are, legally and technically, a secular nation.  We have, codified in our laws, procedures that prohibit the favoring of any religion.  As such, we shouldn’t have any religious holidays be national holidays.  But consider this…

December 25th, an arbitrary day picked to celebrate the birth of Christ by ancient Romans.  There will be no mail sent or received that day.

November 11th, a symbolic day chosen to mourn those lost during the seminal tragedy of the last century, WWI, and a celebration of our soldiers and sailors who served nobly in the armed services.  Mail will be picked up and delivered on this day.

Consider that, on Christmas a soldier can’t get his paycheck mailed to him.  But he can on Veteran’s day.  And how many of you are taking a day off to celebrate the soldiers who protect you from evil, as compared to how many of you will be taking Christmas day off to celebrate a fat man putting overpriced knick-knacks under an aluminum tree?

Priorities.  We, as a nation, need to try to get some.

So without further ado…funny stuff:


What? Gotta have somethin’ to do to keep yourself occupied on those long flights.


This is what it would look like if there were any Buddhist Theocracies in the world.


I…have no idea what I’m doing.


Who likes Short Shorts? The ladies watching the PT group like Short Shorts! Ooh-Rah!


I believe those mustaches violate the uniform code.


Too much time was spent on the details of that glorious penis.


“All I know is it ends in ‘-stan’.” “Oh, yeah, that sounds repressed as shit, let’s liberate the hell out of it!”


Sadly, this still wouldn’t be the weirdest story I’ve heard from Marines.

Vet2014-9 Vet2014-4 Vet2014-2 Vet2014


And like I said…USMC birthday…

Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday to you!

You kill anything that stands against the Red, White, and Blue!

Happy Birthday to you!

Murphy’s Laws of Combat: 1-20

The Murphy’s Law of Combat is really just a cynically humorous list of jokes that, if remembered properly, will do a mixture of worrying a soldier and of keeping him alive.  Here’s 1-20 on the list, expect the next set tomorrow.  The list I got comes from Strategy Page.com if you can’t wait and want the rest of them.

1. Friendly fire – isn’t.
2. Recoilless rifles – aren’t.
3. Suppressive fires – won’t.
4. You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
5. A sucking chest wound is Nature’s way of telling you to slow down.
6. If it’s stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid.
7. Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
8. If at first you don’t succeed, call in an air strike.
9. If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
10. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
11. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
12. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
13. If your attack is going really well, it’s an ambush.
14. The enemy diversion you’re ignoring is their main attack.
15. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: a. When they’re ready. b. When you’re not.
16. No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.
17. There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
18. Five second fuses always burn three seconds.
19. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
20. A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.


Veterans Day: 2013

So as you all know, or you should know at least, today is Veteran’s Day.  Unlike Memorial Day where we celebrate those who perished in the duty of their country, today is a day to celebrate everyone in the Military; past, present, and I would argue…future.

PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) is a serious issue with our military, as it has been with every military in the history of military conflict; and it’s not just the military, bullying children in their formative years can create PTSD symptoms in adults, abusive relationships or parenting, or even just being part of a traumatic experience (hence the name).  I’ve seen humor work wonders for dealing with PTSD.  It helps to get the person’s mind off the trauma.  So, in honor of those I served with, those I never got to serve with, and those who did waaaay more than I ever accomplished in my pitiful military career…here’s some military humor for you…

A buddy of mine enlisted...after 4 tries at the ASVAB test, he finally got a passing score.  He mans a tank; funny, huh?

A buddy of mine enlisted…after 4 tries at the ASVAB test, he finally got a passing score. He mans a tank; funny, huh?


Blowjobs in the thick of battle, true camaraderie!

Blowjobs in the thick of battle, true camaraderie!

When did we start hiring suicide bombers?

When did we start hiring suicide bombers?

Here’s a random joke, title links to the place I got it from:

Laziest Soldier:

A sergeant was addressing a squad of 20 and said: “I have a nice easy job for  the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest.” 19 men raised  their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man “why didn’t you raise your  hand?” The man replied: “Too much trouble, Sarge.”

Here’s a few ‘declassified’ quotes from random members of the forces, although the submitters desired anonymity.  Culled from Strategy Page which is quickly becoming one of my new favorite sites.  Give it a look, definitely.

“I finally figured out that when a Turkish officer tells you, ‘It’s no problem,’ he means, for him,” EUCOM Major.

“Please don’t laugh. This is my job,” EUCOM Major explaining in great detail the approved procedures for dropping off VIPs

“If we wait until the last minute to do it, it’ll only  take a minute.”

“We are condemned men who are chained and will row in  place until we rot,” Lt. Colonel on life at his Command.

“I’ll be right back. I have to go pound my nuts flat…” Lt. Colonel, after being given a difficult task.

“I may be slow, but I do poor work…” a US Major.

“Don’t ever be the first…don’t ever be the last…and don’t ever volunteer to do anything….” A Navy Commander relating an old Navy proverb (I’ve seen it in land-based ideologies, too).  The reason is…the first guy into the room gets surprised by the ambush, the last guy into the room gets picked off silently by the enemy sniper, and the guys in the middle are the ones who survive to write the memoir about the brutal battle.

“The chance of success in these talks is the same as the number of ‘Rs’ in fat chance…” Civilian Gov’t Employee

“His knowledge in that topic is only Power Point deep,” US Major

“Ya know, in this Command, if the world were supposed to end tomorrow, it would still happen behind schedule,” Chief Warrant Officer

“Never pet a burning dog,” Lt. Colonel in the Tenn. Nat’l Guard

And finally, a quote attributed to late President Ronald Reagan: “Status Quo as you know is Latin for ‘the mess we’re in’.”

Stay tuned all week as I’m going to put up sections of the Murphy’s Law of Combat list, a few dozen a day, just to brighten your Veteran’s Week!


Veteran’s Day and Happy 237th USMC!

Happy birthday to my Marine ilk, we’re up to 237 this year, I believe.  And more importantly, Happy Veteran’s Day to all the soldiers, living and dead, who have fought for our freedoms.  Screw the politicking of the elections, we’ve got soldiers to honor.  And, as usual, my favorite way to honor troops is with humor.  When your job revolves around facilitating death for a living, you need humor to keep sane.  And the best proof of that was the old TV show M*A*S*H.  I could totally just sit down and rewatch that whole series at any moment.  The movie I can do without, but he show was awesome.  So to honor our veterans on this fine Veteran’s Day…

Here’s some M*A*S*H bloopers:

And here’s an interview of Alan Alda, who played Hawkeye on the show about one of the more dramatic episodes entitled, “Sometimes You Hear The Bullet“.  Along with some self-deprecating humor, which I’m a big fan of:

Thanks again, to all our Veterans.


Memorial Day

Memorial Day is one of the few holidays I really celebrate in any way, shape, or form.  Sure I call my mother on Mother’s Day and I give my fiance a teddy bear on Valentine’s day; but I don’t put up trees for Christmas, I don’t watch football on Thanksgiving, and I don’t eat mushy eggs on Easter.  And if you catch me in a bad mood you’ll find me cursing this country on Independence Day.

But Memorial Day has nothing to with religion, politics, or anything but the soldiers who defend your right to talk about the other things.

I’m not a big moving speechy person, so I’ll use some humor on this great Memorial Day.  So here’s some military humor for your folks…

And we can never forget, all the humor aside, that this country would be nothing without its soldiers.