Twitter Fun

Twitter is a banal waste of time…but it can, at times, be amusing.  This hashtag, #AddaWordRuinaMovie, or for non-hashtagian references: Add a Word, Ruin a Movie (or at least, ruin the movie’s title).  If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I got a little carried with this one.  And if you don’t follow me on Twitterwhy not?

Here are the ones that first got me interested in the joke:

West Side Story

West Side Story

There Will Be Blood

There Will Be Blood

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Jaws IV (4), which I pray is not a real movie.

Jaws IV (4), which I pray is not a real movie.

And a couple of other good ones I saw…

Up, which was a far more depressing movie than his sounds like.

Up, which was a far more depressing movie than his sounds like.

The French Connection; either that or he put 'Connection' on the end of a mustache-fetish porn.

The French Connection; either that or he put ‘Connection’ on the end of a mustache-fetish porn.

Unfortunately I've heard rumors that this is a real thing.

Unfortunately I’ve heard rumors that this is a real thing.

So, seeing all of them…I got into it and put a few of my own up, which put me up over 500 tweets, by the way.  Here are my additions to the trend (if you want to see these ones and more in their full form, you can check out my twitter profile, and maybe even follow me):

Word

My fiancé came up with this one, a play on the musical Grease.  It would definitely make the car scenes more interesting, since the monkeys probably wouldn’t know how to work on them…just start beating these classic muscle cars with wrenches.  Kind of like what I do when my vehicle breaks down, now that I think about it.

Word2With a 4.4 out of 10 rating, I should probably be ashamed that this was one of my first ideas.  Also one of my worst, I think…a play on a drunken bender.

Word3I added Chocolate before the biopic Milk.  Or maybe I added Milk after the kung-fu flick Chocolate?  You decide.

Word4

Look!  I’ve made a horror movie slightly more racist!

Word5I think some meth might have made this movie bearable.

Word6Turns the Tolkien classic into a bondage porn flick.

Word7I seem to enjoy doing this with horror movies.

Leave a comment with some ideas of your own, if you’d like.

~RCS

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R.I.P.D. Review

This weekend we decided to take a break from the constant work on the new house and hit some movies.  Apparently this week was Mary-Louise Parker week, because we saw two movies with her in it.  The first of which was the dismally rated RIPD with Ryan Reynolds and Jeff Bridges; also the aforementioned Ms. Parker and Kevin Beacon.

I think they should have titled it...Really Interesting Posts...Dickjutsu!  Y'know, just a suggestion.

I think they should have titled it…Really Interesting Posts…Dickjutsu! Y’know, just a suggestion.

Reynolds has a few good moments, although the script doesn’t really give him a chance to shine and he actually has very few lines when you look at the end product of the film.  Beacon has a few good moments, but ultimately this is probably one of the worst bits of acting he’s ever done; he’s just not very good in the movie, really.

Mary-Louise Parker and Jeff Bridges are the reasons you watch this movie.  Bridges is hilarious as Roy and Parker does a pretty good job as Proctor, too.  Without them it would be a pretty shitty movie, but I think the movie’s worth it just for Bridges’ rambling, shambling Wild West Marshal with a modern bent.

The movie is pretty funny, although some of the humor is kind of stupid, and the special effects are often pretty crappy CGI work looking too cartoonish for the rest of the movie.  It might be due to the fact that the movie is based off of a Darkhorse Comics series, too.

Kevin Beacon looked better in the comic, too.  Assuming that's his character.

Kevin Beacon looked better in the comic, too. Assuming that’s his character in the bottom right.

Ultimately I think the movie is worth it for the humor, the storyline’s okay, the CGI effects are crap, the script is mostly just okay, but the humor really shines through in this.  It’s definitely not a diamond in the rough, but it’s at least a cubit zirconium in the rough.

If you have a limited amount of time or money for theaters, go ahead and wait for the DVD, but if you’re looking for something to see on the big screen, give RIPD a shot.  You won’t be amazed or anything, but you will be entertained.

~RCS

"Ey, boy!  Look'it Dat Ass!  Yeehaw!" -- Not actual dialogue.

“Ey, boy! Look’it Dat Ass! Yeehaw!” — Not actual dialogue.

Bullet to the Head Review

Next up on our movie list is the Sylvester Stallone movie based on Alexis Nolent’s graphic novel Du Plomb Dans La Tete, which apparently is French for Bullet to the Head.  Stallone plays a veteran hitman who goes on a quest for vengeance.

bullet_to_the_head_movie_poster-sylvester_stallone-jason_momoa-christian_slater-sarah_shahi-adewale_akinnuoye_agbaje

With Stallone playing the straight man, we have Sung Kang as a Washington D.C. Police special investigator, investigating the death of a corrupt former police officer…the guy who Stallone and his partner assassinate in the open sequence.

Considering Kang’s role was supposed to be done by Thomas Jane, I actually have to say that I like the switch-up.  Kang plays a very heavy-handed and overly dramatic ‘good guy’ cop out for nothing short of moral justice for some of the film; but his dialogue with Stallone is great.  I love the scenes where he’s defending his smart phone against Stallone’s old-school tactics of “beat up the guy who knows something until he tells you said thing that you want to know”.

The movie has some pretty decent fight scenes, too, considering I was pretty much expecting it to all be gunplay.  A couple of good fist fights and some knifing in there, too; then we cap it all off with a huge axe fighting scene.

By the way, Jason Momoa is really awesome with a fireaxe; you should know that.  Speaking of Jason Momoa, he plays the mercenary enforcer/assassin Keegan pretty well; makes him seem like a pretty interesting guy.  As he’s ruthlessly murdering the shit out of you, of course.

If you like men...this is reason enough to watch this movie.  Oh, Stallone goes shirtless a few times, too.

If you like men…this is reason enough to watch this movie. Oh, Stallone goes shirtless a few times, too.

All in all I wasn’t expecting much from this movie and I was pleasantly surprised by what it offered.  The storyline wasn’t exactly a gem, but some of the dialogue was pretty decent.  The fight scenes, particularly the last one, are gritty and good.  All in all in it’s a pretty decent action movie, as long as you’re not looking for a thought-provoking story.

~RCS

Parker Review

The second movie on our roster is the Jason Statham and Jennifer Lopez movie, Parker.  Like the last one, Rise of the Guardians, this movie is also based on a book.  This time it’s Richard Stark’s Parker series of crime dramas; particularly, I’m told, the 19th in the series known as Flashfire.

You might not immediately recognize it, but Mel Gibson’s character of Porter in Payback (1999) is actually supposed to be the same guy as Statham’s Parker in this movie.  Payback is based on the first book in the series, The Hunter; but they both have very similar stories in a way.

parker_ver4

Parker gets betrayed and screwed out of the money from a heist and must go after his former colleagues to get his money back.  The main difference is that Mel Gibson’s movie sucked and this one’s not that bad.  Not to mention, as sad as this sounds: Statham is a better actor than Gibson.  And, of course, much better in a fight scene.

Parker also has a much more interesting, and sensible, story than Gibson’s Payback did.  It’s still a cut and dry action film, complete with a rapy striptease by Jennifer Lopez and an obligatory shower scene with a naked Statham and Emma Booth who plays his girlfriend, Claire.

Ladies, we all know this is why you watch his movies.

Ladies, we all know this is why you watch his movies.

Unfortunately what really makes this movie better than just a series of scenes wherein Jason Statham beats the unholy shit out of a bunch of people is Jennifer Lopez’s goofiness.  She plays a smart and feisty rookie real estate agent down on her luck and looking for either a big sale to get a good commission on or a guy with a big wallet to fall in love with her.  She’s resourceful and smart, but in the end kind of causes more trouble than she fixes.  Even so, the dialogue between Lopez and Statham, Lopez and her mother, and Lopez and the local cop who has a crush on her are the high points of the story, really.  Although Statham does have a few good parts and he certainly does play a good Anti-Hero in this.

All in all the movie was better than I expected thanks to Lopez and the interesting dialogue.  And it’s always nice to see Clifton Collins, Jr.; although anytime I see him in a movie I always gasp and say, “Look, it’s Corporal Aguilar from The Last Castle!”  Because that’s one of my favorite movies.  This movie also reminds us that Nick Nolte is old as hell; he plays Parker’s father-in-law.

JasonStathamKnowsTheIrony-71236

Of course with any Statham movie worth seeing there’s going to be some fight scenes.  The fight scenes in this movie are all gritty style of fighting, with a few shoot-out scenes thrown into the mix.  Don’t expect a bunch of flashy moves, but do expect copious amounts of blood and grappling fisticuffs.  All in all it’s a pretty good bit of fighting to it.  Except that Statham is on the verge of death for most of the movie; or rather he should be, because he loses the equivalent of about sixteen pints of blood through the whole affair.  And the whole movie only takes place in like the span of a month, maybe two.  So apparently Jason Statham is playing a dual role as Wolverine, pretending to be some British thief named Parker.

All in all it was worth sitting through, but unless you’re a super Statham fan you can probably wait for the DVD.

~RCS

No, seriously, Nick Nolte looks like he’s in his nineties.  A buff nineties, but still…

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