Veteran’s Day 2016

What?  Did you think I’d forgotten about Veteran Day this year?  Of course not…but just like real service members, I also had to work on Veteran’s Day.  And so I didn’t meet my deadline to get this post finished before 8:00am.

The wife and I decided to make a couple comics instead just the usual photo post of military memes.  We hope you enjoy them.  Also happy 241st to my USMC brethren.


v-day_002I hope everyone, particularly my soldierly fellows, enjoyed Veteran’s Day this year.


Promotion Motion: Part Duex!

For those following the continuing advancement of my career, I’m sure you’ve already read about my recent promotion to Sergeant about two months ago.  Well, a bit of skullduggery and a dash of scandal later and I have another promotion: Lieutenant.

Without getting into too much detail my boss was doing things he shouldn’t have been doing and he happened to get caught on camera doing those things.  While I hate climbing the ladder of success on the backs of others, especially people whom I got along with pretty well…I can’t change his job situation and if I don’t take the job they’ll bring in somebody from another part of town to man our crew (because none of the other officers want the job, I’ll get to that in a moment).

Needless to say, today is the last day of my first week at Lieutenant…and it has been a rough week.  The big bosses took away a 40-hour a week worker and then told me to cover all my shifts without acquiring any overtime.  My one available part-time officer took two extra days this week and I just decided to convince her to come in full-time…but I still had 3 whole days to cover.  Plus one of the administrative positions was taking a day off, so I had to cover an extra 8 hours of work, too.

But lo and behold I was receiving a new part-time officer…who is only available two days.  Neither of those two days are the days I need covered for this week.  She is a single-mother who only wants to work a couple of days a week; not a problem, but she won’t help me with my overtime situation this week.  She was supposed to train last Saturday and tomorrow (Friday), but something came up with one of her kids and asked if she could switch her training to Wednesday and Friday.  So she was agreeing to come in on a day she didn’t want to work to make up for not coming in Saturday.  As I mentioned, neither of her days helped me this week, so I said fine.

The next day I get a call from the Council of Captains informing me that I had made a poor decision.  They wanted me to strong-arm the single-mother (whose days of availability they had dictated to me on Thursday); without informing me of this.  Apparently she called the Council and they told her to call me.  They didn’t tell me that they were setting me up to be the bad guy and wanted me to knuckle down on the new girl, who wouldn’t help me in the least this week, anyway.

That was Strike Two!

Two, you ask?  Yes Strike One came on my first day when I asked my new subordinates to work extra and off-day shifts to cover the missing days, probably without overtime (we just give them extra days off to keep under 40 hours).  Apparently by my asking them to do so, keep in mind I got all the shifts covered, showed me to be a ‘weak commander’ and ‘unfit for leadership’ because my rank and position indicates that I should make a schedule and force my workers to follow by it, regardless of their personal obligations.

Did I mention the first thing they told me is that my primary concern should be making all of the officers ‘like and respect’ me, because they all hated my old boss and he couldn’t get them to do anything when he asked them to do it.

…go ahead, take a moment and think about that.

To paraphrase this guy, “That’s what we call a contradiction.  That means all the previous shit you just said…is now stupid.”


But remember, the most important thing is that I’m making an extra 6 grand a year now.  Y’know, until tomorrow when they review my payroll and see that we still had 8 hours of extra time.  Then that’s Strike Three!!

Yerrr Ooot!

Yerrr Ooot!


Of course to be fair…I’m well-liked by the other officers and the locals we watch over, otherwise-efficient, dedicated, and dashingly handsome.

Well, y’know…at least the first three.

Friendly Neighborhood Dispatcher

Here’s a funny work story (or two) for you folks.  Given my occupation I enjoy watching funny police dispatcher videos and audio clips, because I know exactly what they have to deal with.  So first I’ll tell you a funny story a recent semi-retired officer told me when we were working together.  You see, my partner (and boss) had too many hours and we have a new no-overtime rule, so he had to take an extra day off.  Well, his replacement was a no-call/no-show, so we brought a guy out of retirement to cover the shift to prevent overtime.  Trouble with starting the week on a Friday is come Wednesday there’s only three people who haven’t already worked a full 40 this week (names have been changed to keep me from getting fired): My Lieutenant, Tim, and myself.

The Lt. was off, like I said, because he’d replaced the day-shift switchboard woman on last Friday.  Thursday is the day that payroll has to submitted to the payroll department, so he can’t take that day off.  So he had to take Wednesday off.

Tim wouldn’t pick up his phone, because the last time this happened it was a Thursday 11:30-7:30 overnight shift when we had a no-call/no-show.  Tim got in at 12:30…so they said that’s no longer a Thursday shift, it’s now a Friday shift since it’s after midnight.  So he got seven hours on the following week, just so they wouldn’t have to pay overtime that week.  Then they took a day from him to prevent him from getting overtime the following week.  That means he came in, on his day off, to work 7 hours…and they took 8 hours from him.  So they docked him an hour’s pay the next week for doing them a favor.  He no longer picks up the phone on his days off when the caller I.D. says the Captain is calling him.  I don’t blame him.

Then there is myself…I’m already working and we have a two-officer per shift policy.  One officer has to run the desk and switchboard and play dispatcher; the other officer goes on patrol.

So that leaves 5 other officers on the roster, so we’ve got three alternates.  One of the alternates was the no-show, and the other two are nightshift-only.  That’s what you get when you try replacing full-time officers with part-timers: One doesn’t show up to work (3rd shift in a week’s time she didn’t show up for), one takes classes in the afternoon so he can get a real job some day, and the other one has kids she has to watch in the afternoon and can’t get a babysitter until her husband (who works second shift like me) gets home.

So they brought a semi-retired officer from another region out to work with me, after a Captain came out to play dispatcher to make sure I could go on patrol an hour and a half later.

Now, I told you that story to tell you this story…

The old retired guy was telling me a story from ‘back in the day’ when police dispatchers were being changed from other police officers working switchboard to a civilian-run organization (which eventually became a little bit better with specially trained dispatchers in the County 911 system).

His story went like this…

Police officer walks into the local 7-11 kind of shop because they offer free donuts and coffee to police.  He gets a cup of coffee and the Krispy Kreme guy shows up and puts a fresh batch of donuts out.

A few moments later the cop, with a fresh donut, watched the Krispy Kreme truck pull out of the lot.  He took a bit out of his donut and said ‘Hi’ to the Krispy Kreme guy as he walked passed.

Take a moment, if you need to.

The cop ran out of the shop and jumped on his radio requesting dispatch to, “Put out an APB [All-Points Bulletin] on a stolen Krispy Kreme delivery truck.”

The response on the radio from the civilian dispatcher was, he shit me not, “Can you describe the truck?”

“Yeah, it’s a box truck with pictures of donuts and the words Krispy Kreme painted on the side about fifty times, you slack-jawed, fuckin’ idiot!  By the time you get the APB out there, it’ll be across county lines!”

That being said, dispatchers do get a lot of crap.  Here’s a good example of that.

My partner and I (different office, not the Lt. or the retired guy with me) were sitting at the desk about to switch roles.  She fielded a call asking for a woman named Angela.  We looked her up to see if she was an employee in the building, maybe an engineer or an accountant or something that we didn’t know personally.  Not in the computer roster.

I offered to look at our paper roster, which is strangely better updated lately.  She informed him we’d look at our paper back roster.  Then she got a weird facial expression and set the phone down.

I checked the roster and Angela wasn’t there.  I informed her of the ‘no go’ and she smacked the phone down and hung it up.  Here’s what she said happened…

“When I told him I’d check the roster…he said, ‘take your time…Bitch!’”

We laughed about the rude man and a moment later the phone rang again.  She picked it up and handed it to me and I politely greeted the caller.  The voice on the phone, I can only describe, as a Jamaican using an Arabic accent.  He asked for Angela, again, and I double-checked my roster.  I informed him that I didn’t have her name in my roster, but if he knew what department she worked in, I could transfer him to someone in that department.  His response was less than…gentle:

“Fuck you mutha fucka, I don’t know what department she’s in, just transfer me to her.”

“I can’t transfer you, if I don’t know who she is or where she’s at.”

“Fuck you, mutha fucka, and transfer me to her, now!”

“Sir, we’re not an answering service…”

I gentle explained to him what we did and then got this great response…

“Don’t lie to me, fuck you mutha fucka, lemme speak to yo manager.”

I sat the phone down and hit the ‘hold’ button, shrugged and smiled at my partner, “He’ll eventually give up, our hold music isn’t that good.”

He stayed on the line for about two minutes before hanging up and he didn’t call again.  Problem solved.