April Dick of the Month: New Zealand Mother

There are some very good parents out there.

Above: The polar opposite of helicopter parenting. See also: Parental Neglect.

This woman is not one of them.  Leaving your infant child asleep in your car while you go grocery shopping is not proper parenting.  Now don’t get me wrong, I think ‘Helicopter Parenting’ is foolhardy and creates overly dependent little sods.  But there’s a difference between ‘Free-Range Parenting’ and ‘Neglectful Parenting’.

This is not even on the border of neglectful parenting.  My former brother-in-law did this to my 6-year-old nephew…my sister divorced him over it (hence the former part).  Judging by the picture the weather wasn’t all that nice, either; probably cold and humid.  The kid could have suffered from some manner of breathing issue and suffocated.  What if something happened and nobody walked past the car to call her?  What if they did call her and she took too long to run back to the car?  What if a Nepiophile came through and busted the window, took the kid, and raped it?

Not to mention the stupid people who stood around and stared, a few of them deciding to call the poor, tired mother who, ‘Just made a bad decision.’  Fuck you, that’s called enabling; you are enabling dangerous, possibly fatal, stupidity.  Innocent people will die because you let idiots be idiots without getting them off the street and out of important positions…like motherhood, or the presidency.

So, for horrific and public displays of parental neglect…Unnamed New Zealand Mother, you are the April Dick of the Moth!


Photopost: Rape Jokes?

If you haven’t heard about Daniel Tosh’s show in an LA Laugh Factory, then you probably don’t pay much attention to the Internet.  That’s probably healthy; but then again if you don’t pay attention to the internet, you probably don’t read this blog anyway.  So I’m going to assume you’re at least partially up to speed on things and won’t harp at you about the long story.

Anyway, Daniel Tosh had a show at a comedy theater and he was apparently making jokes about how rape jokes are funny.  A woman who admitted that she didn’t know who Daniel Tosh was and even admitted that she didn’t like Dane Cook a whole lot, and that she wasn’t really a stand-up comedy kind of person, found fault with his line of jokes.  She heckled him and he heckled back, by suggesting it would be funny if a group of gentlemen within the club jumped her and raped right there.

So she finally did the smart thing and left the theater, demanding her money back and finally getting free tickets that she swore she’d never use out of it.

I’ve seen comedians who said jokes I didn’t agree with.  You know what I did?  I didn’t laugh, and if necessary, I stopped watching said comedian.  Rape is one of the worst things a person can do to another person; it is horrible.  But a well rounded rape joke is hilarious, as far as I’m concerned.  And if you don’t like rape jokes, that’s your right and you shouldn’t be forced to listen to them.  But if you’re in a comedy venue and the comedian is making rape jokes…you’re not being forced to sit there and watch, you can get up and leave any time you want.  Heckling a comedian is never a good idea, it just paints you as a target for his retaliation.  If you heckle the president, you can get handcuffed and beaten; if you heckle a comedian, you get heckled back.  See?  Pretty simple, isn’t it?

My fiance hates rape, it is the worst thing anyone could possible do in the world as far as she is concerned.  Sex is a sacred thing to her and forcing yourself upon a man or a woman is the ultimate sin amongst sins.  But she still laughs when she bends over to pick something up and I trounce up behind her, grab her by the hips, and moan giddily as I thrust the front of my pants into her butt-seam.

We put a video up about it on Youtube.  You can watch it right here, if you wish, though:

And just for good sport, here’s a collection of rape jokes to test whether you are humorously conservative or humorously liberal…

We’ll start off with The Onion’s fake news story about Tosh laughing through his own rape; which in itself is a rape joke.

Man A: “They say that the more sex you have, the better you get at it.”

Man B: “Nonsense!  I’ve raped dozens of women and it always ends with them sobbing.”


“I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it’s only for victims.”


An 81-year-old woman was walking down the street when she was attacked and viciously raped by a gorilla.  The police chased the gorilla off after he had his way with the woman twice and took her tot he hospital.  When she awoke she feebly whispered to the doctor, “What happened to that fantastic ape?”


“In a recent survey 9 out of 10 people said they enjoyed group rape.”


We’ll call this my ‘In memory of Ernest Borgnine’ post, too.

Child rapist is such an ugly term…I prefer, pedophile.

Still a better love story than the rest of the book/movie.

I know I’ve used this picture before; but I just can’t help myself. At least that’s my defense in court.

It’s not rape if they vote for you, right?

I’ve tested this theory…it holds true.

In honor of the new release of the Dark Knight Rises.

I don’t know about you, but I laughed at a handful of those.


Seriously, though…if you were offended by any of these jokes.  Please don’t rape me?


Grassroots Marketing

So, after a mind numbingly boring day watching the Academy Awards’ Red Carpet on CNN and a documentary about the bumfuckery of the Branch Davidian Sect’s Waco Compound Siege by the ATF in the early ’90s, also on CNN, I left work and headed for home.  But lo and behold…I was low on fuel for my van.

Yeah, I’m that cool…I drive a minivan and don’t have any children.

I also have a puppy...

So anyway…I pulled into the gas station and got everything ready, only to find the pump I pulled up to was not working.  The LCD screen was magnetized and wouldn’t change screens.  So I turned the van around and pulled in to another pump.  While getting out the gentleman on the other side of the pump saw the url located on the side of my van.  He took a picture and said he was going to put it on twitter.

I relished the free advertising, to be honest.  Then he and I discussed the Dick of the Month feature we have here and he gave an impromptu submission for Dick of the Month: Himself.  He told me that the guy who fired him a year ago just committed suicide…and that he felt like a dick, because he couldn’t help but not feel bad.  But then he disqualified himself for admitted that he felt a little bad since the guy had a wife and daughter when he died.

I’m sorry sir, you were born with a conscience and therefore are disqualified for the position of Dick of the Month.  The good news is that makes you a productive member of society!

I so love the chance at grassroots marketing, even if he did catch me as I was getting off work and half asleep/ravenously hungry.  Because that means the twelve dollars I spent to put that sign with my url on it was worth it.


Photopost: Demotivational Sex

Here’s the promised set of ‘sexy’ demotivational posters.  I hope you enjoy them.  And I imagine you probably will since the number one search results that get me views here is Superman and Batman Yaoi.

First up we have a woman om, nom, nomming on some morning wood.

I like a woman who smiles at the taste of morning wood.

Is it just me, or is this seven-year-old kind of dressed like a whore?

Oh noes! It's President Teddy Rapesavelt.

I’d cast Magic Missile on her under armor…if y’know, I wasn’t married.

I'm not a nerd; I'm a level 12 Paladin!

And finally…

I'm not gay...I'm a Jiujitsu master!

Y’know, I think he likes it.