Confederated States of Stupid

I hadn’t planned on commenting about the fiasco in South Carolina about the Confederated Flag.  Or the one in Mississippi…or Virginia…or Walmart and–y’know what, I just had planned on not mentioning it.  I’ve actually been using what spare time I had recently to write another funny story about me getting hit on.

But after a family member (through marriage, I’m not claiming the guy) posted a particular picture (which I’ll show below) on their Facebook, I decided I needed to rant a little bit about Confederate stupidity.

Now first let me give you my basic opinion on the Confederate Flag(s).  Should it be taken off of Virginian license plates, removed from the South Carolina Capitol building, and all that?  Yes, yes it should.  Should it be done to honor the victims of the shooting in a Charleston church?  No, no it shouldn’t.  Should it be done because the Confederate States of America was technically an enemy we were at war with and defeated and the fact that flying any of its flags should be considered a sign of treason?  Yes, well…I mean, as far as what it imports not actually hanging traitors for wearing Dukes of Hazard shirts or anything.

I’ve heard all the reasons not to take it down…

“It’s South Carolina’s heritage.” 

Well, so is being a British colony, but I don’t see them hanging the Union Jack from the Capitol building, do you?  I don’t see Texas putting a Mexican flag over their State Capitol anytime soon, so why would South Carolina want to fly the flag of a defeated ‘nation’ over their government complexes?

“That’s the flag that flew over that building during the war, so it belongs there to honor those who fought for it!”

Actually no, that’s the flag of the Army of Virginia, the South Carolinians fought under a totally different battle flag.

“That flag, or a representation of it, has been flying over that building since the Civil War!”

Actually no, that flag was hoisted over the capitol building in 1961 to protest desegregation ordered by the federal government.

So what is the picture that got me a little worked up?  Here it is and it’s totally not racist in the least, no siree, not even a touch of racism to it…

I lied, it's INCREDIBLY racist.

I lied, it’s INCREDIBLY racist.


Yeah…there’s three problems with the comparison.

1. All hail the white folks who hoist the flag of an enemy army who fought and killed Americans; but oh not, ‘dem dirty Negroes is stomping on the flag in a peaceful protest?  Speaking of peaceful protest…why is it okay for the white kids to have rifles while waving an enemy battle flag, but the black kids having a peaceful protest where they stomp on the flag is so terrible?

2. Cute that the white martyrs get their faces blurred, but the black kids have their faces plastered on the picture.

3. The comparison is totally disjointed.  This is the argument I always have with my Republican friends about stuff like bibles in schools or the ten commandments on the courthouse steps.  We are talking about a government building flying the flag of an enemy army; compared to a private citizen desecrating the U.S. Flag.  When a government building places something it implies that the government is supporting whatever that thing is or whatever it signifies.  If I hang a Don’t Tread on Me flag it probably means that I’m upset with the government, likewise if I hang a laminated picture of the Quran on my porch it probably means I either am Muslim or support Islam in some, rather strong, manner.  So if a government building hangs the Quranic verse in stone on their front steps, it implies that government authority favors Islam and Muslims.  If the government building hangs only a Quranic verse, it means it favors that religion over others, which is contrary to the protections of the constitution.  Similarly if a government building hangs the flag of an enemy army, that technically implies it has joined that army or is currently under control by the enemy.  It needs to be besieged and rescued immediately by the Army!

If Louisiana placed a French Flag above the capitol building, these same Confederate-lovers would be inconsolable about it.  Imagine if the Capitol Building in Washington D.C. placed an English flag on a pole in front of the building.  Why not?  We beat them, too.  It’s part of our heritage, isn’t it?  But no, that would be totally unacceptable.

Bunch of Jackasses.


Jokes In Poor Taste…Why Must They Be So Funny?

Okay folks, I was watching videos on YouTube and in the comments section of a comedian’s video wherein he made a 9/11 joke, I saw this line of comments.  To save their anonymity, and the trouble of screen-capping such a long conversation, I’ll just summarize it here for you.  Ooo!  I know, we can play a game of it.  Put in the comments how far you made it before you got too worked up and stopped reading, how’s about that?  Sounds fun, right?  Let’s do it…and remember, each comment is in reply to the one before it:

Guys seriously, stop making 9/11 jokes. They’re just plane wrong.

Yeah, and Holocaust jokes aren’t funny, Anne Frankly, I won’t stand for it

Woah, I did Nazi that coming.

At least they’re not rape jokes. To me, all rape jokes just seem forced.

Blind jokes are just as bad. I don’t see the humor in them.

What about deaf ones? I’ve never heard a good one.

All I know is that cripple jokes are terrible. I just can’t stand them.

At least we’re not talking lesbian jokes. Those are for pussies.

Cum on guys, no gay jokes please.

Hey let’s take it slow, we just got over slave jokes. They just don’t seem to work for us anymore.

Dude stop with the slave jokes, I have African-Americans on my family tree…… They’re still hangin’ there.

If I hear another Muslim joke I think I’m gonna explode!

At least you guys aren’t telling Asian jokes, there’s way too many of them.

I would make a joke about sluts, but it would be way too easy.

I was going to make a gay joke, butt fuck it.

I would make a rape joke, but everyone is saying no.

Yeah, but let’s face it! Vagina jokes aren’t funny either, period.

And those pedophile jokes… wow. Talk about immaturity.

No, toilet humor is probably the worst, I mean you get so much shit for that.

Number of jokes that were politically correct?  0.  Number of funny ones…your choice.


BTW, clearly I read them all…because I don’t have PC switch in my brain; I laughed at each one.

I’m Not Racist…Really!

I was brought to remember a joke by one of my favorite comedians, Bill Burr, today.  I can’t remember it verbatim, but here’s the paraphrase, “Have you ever noticed how the most racist things you hear, are usually preceded by the phrase, ‘I’m not racist, but…insert radical xenophobic rant here’?”

I thought of the joke because of an event, which I will detail after I make my point, I looked to the girl who works near me and said, “I don’t mean to sound racist, but that’s not the person I was expecting when I heard the name Tanecia.”

At that moment, I realized…I sounded pretty damn racist; mostly because of the bewildered and trapped look the poor girl gave me as a response.  Like she wanted to agree, but was afraid that magical podium Bill Burr always talks about would come out of nowhere and she’d be defending her job, because she’s white and therefore can’t be racist in today’s society.

So without getting into the whole racism vs. reverse racism issue, I will just display my story now…

A gentleman came into the building today and I checked him in, he said he was here to meet with a Ms. Tanecia Brown [real last name withheld].  At this point I, having never met Ms. Brown, so when I called her on the phone to inform her that she had a guests, I had subconsciously created expectations of the person who would come down to receive said guest.

Five minutes later, when a small-framed brunette that looked, at darkest, like a Northern Italian came out and shook his hand saying, “Hi, I’m Tanecia,” I was at a bit of a loss, mentally.

Now aside from the fact that my spell-check is coughing up blood from that last run-on paragraph, we come to the racist bits.  I heard the name Tanecia, and I imagined a black woman.  I heard her voice and I imagined a small-framed black woman.  Instead, I got a small-framed white woman.

It got me thinking about other names that are very ethnic.  Some of them are unjust, but some of them are good examples of stereotypes gone right.  If you hear a guy named Stanislov, you’re going to expect a guy with a Russian accent.  Likewise if you walk into the German embassy in Washington D.C. and shake hands with the ambassador, you’re going to be very confused when he says, “Guten Tag, my name is Ushigi Hachiro.”  And go ahead and do a Google Image Search for Tanecia Brown, tell me what you find; I’ll bet it’s a bucnh of blakc women and one white chick.

Let’s take a look at one celebrity in particular to cause this phenomenon: Queen Latifah.  Now when she became a prominent black actress, comedian, singer/rapper Latifah became a popular name for black people to name their daughters.  This is why I find it hilarious when black people hate Muslims.  Latifah is a traditional Muslim name for a girl.

We can also go back to the crusades where my name first became popular and famous…the King of England was named Richard…Richard the Lion-Hearted.  Actually it should be Ricard Couer de Leon; he wasn’t even English, he was French.  But because it was the King of England’s name, they adopted it.  Since the French Ricard, spelled without the ‘h’, is pronounced Ree-shard, the English bastardized it to Ritch-Hard and spelled it as thus: Richard.

So we arrive at a group of people who hate the French and have begun naming their children a semi-popular (at the time) French name.  There ended up being more English people named Richard then there were French people named it, before the Coeur de Leon came around.

I’d thought of some other ethnic sounding names, too; without getting into the debate about putting ‘eesha’ on the end of things to make it sound like a black name.  Y’know, like the parents who named their daughter Toprameneesha, because they were loved Ramen Noodles?  Look at the name… Top Ramen Eesha.  Tyrone for a black man, Rodrigo for a Latino, Hung for a Chinese guy, and Hamlet for a Danish prince.

All of those names sound ethnic, but I’ve seen them in non-ethnic forms.  I went to school with a white guy name named Tyrone, he goes by T.J. (his middle name is John).  I know a black man named Rodrigo, and the weird thing is he doesn’t have any Latin ancestors, his parents just liked the name Roger and wanted to give him something ‘special’ for a name; as expected he goes by Roger.

I know a white man who goes by the name Hung, and not because of Chinese ancestry, but because he thinks having a name like Hung (his real name is Howard) will let him get laid more often; but he actually signs things as Hung Lastname, instead of Howard Lastname.  The sad thing is that his last name isn’t Johnson, because Hung Johnson is a porn star’s name, no matter how you look at it and that would have made his paycheck endorsements hilarious.

And finally Hamlet…which is a black girl’s name.  Her father loved Shakespeare and when she was born, he named her Hamlet.

So remember, stereotypes are right sometimes, but wrong others.  The important thing is to be open-minded and hate all people equally because of justified paranoia, like germophobia or greed.

Or y’know…love all mankind or some hippy crap like that.


By the way, funny moment of the day was editing this to find I’d accidentally called Queen Latifah a singer/raper in the first draft of this post.

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