Tekko 2016 Schedule

So I’ve been talking about it a lot on Social Media, but I just realized I haven’t really said much about it on the site, here.

I’ll be attending Tekkoshocon this year, or just plain ‘ol Tekko as they’re calling it now. I will be presenting 4 panels, total: 3 on Friday and 1 on Saturday.

I know, I'm excited, too!

I know, I’m excited and surprised, too!

-Friday-

East vs West: Arms, Armor, and Lifestyles of the Samurai of Japan and the Knights of Europe

3:30pm in the Tekko Gakkou Room

-We will be discussing a comparison between the European Knight and the Japanese Samurai. The respective warrior classes of the Western and Eastern worlds. If you like swords, spears, court politics, and non-magical ponies, come join us!

I'm not sure I want to know what flavor that is.

I’m not sure I want to know what flavor that is.

How To Write Dirty Stuff (18+)

7:00pm in Panel Room 5

-Whether you’re writing erotica, just a regular sex scene, or outright porn and hentai you need to know the delicacies of dirty writing. Join author Richard C. Shaffer as he discusses how to plan, frame, word, and publish some sexy scenes.

The Four Classic Novels: China’s Literary Effect on Japanese Anime and Games

9:30pm in Tekkou Gakkou Room

-Dragon Ball, Saiyuki, Ikki Tousen, Dynasty Warriors, and the Suikoden series. What do they all have in common? They’re all based on classic Chinese novels. Come learn how these novels shape many of the anime we watch and the games we play from Japan.

-Saturday-

"Outta the way, I gotta see this panel!"

“Outta the way, I gotta see this panel!”

Samurai Misconceptions: Learn the Truths of the Legendary Japanese Warrior

1:30pm in Tekkou Gakkou Room

-Armed with his katana, an unbeatable weapon of razor-sharp, high quality steel, the legendary samurai warrior fought one-on-one to victory or death in each battle. Or…maybe that’s just in the movies? Learn the real history of the Samurai from Heian courts to Sengoku battlefields and beyond!

Hope to see some of your folks there!

~RCS

Did I Get Hit On? Again…?

I mentioned before that I’m not too solid in the brain when it comes to getting hit on.  Well…I think it’s time to prove that point even further.  I once worked as a security guard at a Condo building.  The place was like 18 floors of condos, although the first two floors were a parking garage, office, and there was a small grocer’s shop attached to the front entrance.  They also had a fitness center and a open lounge (for tenants) on the 3rd floor.

It was actually a pretty nice place to live in, I think.  Of course I was getting paid $10 an hour to work there at the time and the cheapest Condo was $1100 a month.  They’d just decided to cut costs by firing the $30 an hour doorman and hiring an unarmed security guard to lock up the lounge, fitness center, and shop on the weekends.  This caused some confusion because something a lot of people don’t understand is that a doorman and a security guard are not the same thing.  They are actually the opposite of each other:

A Doorman opens doors for people, helps them carry their bags, and is generally supposed to be accommodating and helpful.

A Security Guard keeps doors closed, checks peoples’ bags for stolen merchandise, contraband, and bombs, and is generally supposed to be vigilant at their post.

 

Back on track, then!

Back on track, then!

 

But that’s a whole other story…one not nearly as interesting as the one I started telling.  You see during this time I had a couple of chances for some sweet lovin’ that I only realized several years later.  Several years and a wife who thinks everyone who waits on our table is out to sleep with me.  Well okay, there was that one waitress, but that’s a different story.

Anyway the first one was awkward on several levels.  You see this guy ordered some delivery food and when he came down I was at the front desk just wiling away the time (I generally polished my desk three times a night…because the job was reeeaaallly boring).  He introduced himself as ‘Mac’ and I haven’t changed the name because the fact that his name was actually Mac is pretty funny.  Especially when you consider that he was a 5’6” white guy named Mac.

Anyway Mac said that he made a mistake when ordering his sandwich, he got one that was way too big.  He told me that he only wanted a half sub, but he had to order the whole sub because of the delivery minimum.  He offered me half his sandwich, said he had a case of beer we could split, and was about to watch the game.

I told him I was on duty and couldn’t drink.  He then asked me when my shift was over, I told him 2:00am and he promised he’d still be up, and he had the game recorded so he could just rewind it if I wanted to come up then.  I’d be off duty, so the sandwich and beers would be totally cool, then.  I should like to point out that during this conversation it was only 8:00pm.

He wrote his apartment number down and handed it to me, so I’d remember which apartment was his.

Everybody tells me that I could have had my first gay experience if I’d just taken a little stroll up to the eighth floor that night.

Shame I had to wait until that night in Mexican Pris--I mean, never mind.

Shame I had to wait until that night in Mexican Pris–I mean, never mind.

So what do you think?  Are they right?  Was Mac hitting on me?  Do you think he was disappointed that I never came up to his place?  Let me know in the comments.

~RCS

Photopost: Auto-Correct the Nemesis of Teens

We all know what auto-correct is by now, I assume.  That’s when you’re trying to send a text or an e-mail or even write a novel and the program or device that you are using automatically corrects things to disastrous means.  Especially if you write novels with Chinese people in them (for the last time Word, my main character’s name is Cimei, not Cameo, Camel, or Chime).

One of my favorite auto-correct jokes comes from a comedian known as Sebastian Maniscalo in which he talks about the dangerous of texting when you’re drunk.  I probably won’t do his joke justice, so go buy tickets to a show he’s doing and get him to tell the joke, himself for a good delivery.  Anyway, here’s the joke…

I tried to text my girlfriend the other night while I was drunk, but my auto-correct changed my text when I sent it.  I thought I told her, “I love you Sweety.”  Nope, look at it the next day and discover I called ‘Sweaty’.  Then the other night it did it to me again I texted her that I wanted to eat her out, I get a reply asking, “You want to kick my puppy?”

So anyway, here’s a Photopost dealing with auto-correct mishaps…

You just got Shatnered!

Here’s a good case of someone who should have used auto-correct…

…for his own protection.

Here’s a case of manual auto-correct, thanks to a Grammar Nazi…

Their, there, they’re…it’s okay.

Auto-correct…or Freudian slip?

“Well, you always did seem to get along better with the dog than with me.”

Sometimes auto-correct can save you from a mistake…

And sometimes you’re just too stupid to be saved.

Sometimes auto-correct can even ruin dinner…

I had a boss who referred to masturbation as Jerkin’ Chicken; glad I never went over to his place for dinner.

Auto-correct can strike with the stealth of a drug addict, err I mean, a ninja!

If you give me a bad grade, I will sneak into your home, and shoot up in your basement!  Like a real Ninja!

Auto-correct can even end loving, healthy relationships…

Again? Don’t you know we have an overpopulation issue on this planet?

Maybe she was just jealous because you licked them better than her.

Jesus getting the news on one of his disciple’s dates…

So then I stuck it in her and made her moan; oh, and Scotty…Jesus, man. *Music plays…*

Mother and child having a…umm…family talk?

Do you have any pics? My buddy’s got a GILF fetish and wants to see.

Sometimes auto-correct is just plain dirty-minded…

The only thing that could make this better would be if the other person’s name was Stacy.

Sometimes you wish it was auto-correct.

Pics or it didn’t happen!

Some people have more trouble than others.

Painful because I’m laughing so hard.

Auto-correct can come up with new ways to measure things, like natural disasters…

We can test tornadoes by the dizziness scale. If it’s extra-dizzy, then it is spinning around very fast.

Auto-correct can even assist in human trafficking…

I’ll pay $100 for one that hasn’t been suctioned, yet. Does he come with free birdseed, or will I have to get my own feed?

Sometimes it results in total failure of the communication spectrum.

It can even make grocery shopping strange…

I’d go for some boopsicles…I wonder if they have extra-milky. =D

That’s it for today, hope you enjoyed them.

~RCS

Always remember…auto-cat rectal, folks…auto-cat rectal.

Sex Education in America: My Proposal (Cont.)

Here’s the continuation of Monday’s post…

This is not the way we should be doing it.

2.       The Curriculum

We’re going to discuss this, assuming it’s a perfect world (ha ha!), and the curriculum can be based on a two-year program.

6th Grade

In gender-separated classes over a single 9-week period, students would learn about physical differences with the male and female body.  Male students would learn significantly about male patterns of puberty, and females about their pubescent journeys.  Each class would also learn an abridged form of the opposing gender’s pubescent information.

Females would learn in-depth birth control programs such as birth control pills, IUDs, injections, and abstinence.  They would also learn how to apply a condom to a penis, how to apply a female condom to themselves (something I wish either my fiancé or my own school had taught, because those things don’t come with directions), and how to use a diaphragm and spermicides.  Males would learn a more slightly abridged version of the birth-control info that females are given, but would receive a more in-depth version of condom usage in return.

Both courses would also be taught about pregnancy, including being given a written exam, primarily utilizing story-questions, while a sound clip of a baby crying is played loudly.  The exam won’t be graded as much as it will be used to demonstrate how much it sucks to try to be a student while you’re raising a baby.

The course would also touch on abortions, talking about the different types, including the types that are illegal and the history and causes of abortions.

Finally the course will go into depth about STDs, sexual harassment and peer pressure to have intercourse, and sexuality.  The females will discuss in detail lesbianism and the males will discuss in detail homosexuality; both sides of the spectrum will also be taught details of cross-genderism (M to F and F to M), touching on sexual androgyny.

7th Grade

After a two week-long brush-up on all the things they learned the year prior, the course will begin with sexuality.  Now remember that in 7th Grade the students will be in a co-ed group.  Each class will be shown pictures of the male and female bodies, alone.  They will also be shown a series of couples in sexual positions, including girl-girl couples and guy-guy couples.  Finally they will be shown a series of pictures near the end of multiple persons engaging in intercourse: Such as two men and a woman and two women and a man.

The classes will be taught about proper safe sex practices involving oral, vaginal, and anal intercourse, as well as mutual masturbation.  On top of that, the classes will be instructed in basic practices for performing oral, vaginal, and anal intercourse.

The course would then move on to a more in-depth study of pregnancy and child-birth, including actually showing a birth in-depth.  The course will discuss different types of birth: Natural, Drugless, Underwater, and Cesarean section.  Then the course would return to STDs, abstinence, and birth control.  Finally the course would address abortion one more time: Including showing how abortions are performed, in detail.

3.       The Culmination

Each year would qualify as a quarter credit in Sex Education, with a national graduation requirement of half a credit, not replaceable with any other health or physical education credits.  If you abscond from the course, you don’t get a diploma; simple as that.  Same as if you don’t get 3 math credits in High School, you don’t get a diploma.

Knowledge is power, do we want our children to be powerless over sex?

~RCS

How do you feel about Sexual Education?

Seems Legit!

Christmas 2011

Merry Christmas to all you practicing and non-practicing Christians.  Festive Eid* to all you practicing and non-practicing Muslims.  Happy Channukkah to all you Jews.  Giddy Holiday to any Pagans who happen to celebrate something around these times.

Christmas Eve has ended and we are now into Christmas Day…hopefully you remembered to aks Santa for what you wanted.  And hopefully you got what you wanted.

What did you ask Santa for?

And if you’re one of those really pious, fervent Christians who belive that Christmas is Jesus Day, not Santa Day.  Then I leave you with this…

Damn it Jesus, quit using Resurrect. That's a cheap move!

Happy Holidays, whatever you celebrate, or pretend to celebrate as the case may be!

*Yes, I know that Eid al-Adha was in November this year, but it sthe most recent Eid, right?  Consider it a belated Eid well-wishing.

Photopost: Demotivational Sex

Here’s the promised set of ‘sexy’ demotivational posters.  I hope you enjoy them.  And I imagine you probably will since the number one search results that get me views here is Superman and Batman Yaoi.

First up we have a woman om, nom, nomming on some morning wood.

I like a woman who smiles at the taste of morning wood.

Is it just me, or is this seven-year-old kind of dressed like a whore?

Oh noes! It's President Teddy Rapesavelt.

I’d cast Magic Missile on her under armor…if y’know, I wasn’t married.

I'm not a nerd; I'm a level 12 Paladin!

And finally…

I'm not gay...I'm a Jiujitsu master!

Y’know, I think he likes it.

~RCS

Free lessons in Dickjutsu by e-maill. Or if you don't get the joke, it's the subscription button.