Inconsiderate Couponers

I don’t usually mind the crazy couponers too much, I totally understand trying to get the most for your money. And it feels pretty awesome when you can get something you want/need for less than full price or, even better, free. It’s when these couponers are utterly inconsiderate of the people around them that pisses me off. I’ll give an example…

Rich and I went shopping one night, it was around 11 p.m. or so (before the new job change), so we had to go to Market District because it’s open 24 hours. We didn’t get too much – milk, bread, pizza bites, and hand full of other random things. Once we got everything we needed we headed up to the only register open. We ended up behind just one lady, so we thought it wouldn’t take too long…

Scrubs-Wrong Wrong

Boy, were we fucking wrong. As the cashier was trying to finish bagging this lady’s overflowing cart full of groceries (of course no baggers that late at night and this lady didn’t bag a single fucking thing, herself) that’s when she pulls out a WAD of coupons! Not a nice neat stack, a fucking wad! At this point we had already been there for about five minutes or so and I checked my phone for the time, 11:45.


The cashier finished with the wad, occasionally trying to ask about some of the coupons and the lady either not knowing what the coupon was actually for or just “Oh, I definitely had that” or some shit, after five or ten minutes of listening to them babble on I was just trying not strangle this lady. And then the lady pulls out another fucking wad of coupons! Rich and I both look at each other, both of us trying to control the urge to strangle this bitch.

im not saying strangle bitch

And finally, fucking finally, she finishes up. We were behind this lady, this one, single lady, for at least twenty fucking minutes! Remember those pizza bites I mentioned? Totally fucking thawed! So, the lesson to learn from this story is…



Seriously though, if you have a metric shit ton of coupons – first of all – keep them neat. It will make things go so much faster when the cashier isn’t trying to unfold and organize a wad of coupons. Also, if the coupons get too mangled they get hard to scan, which also takes time. Second, if there are other lanes open, and someone gets behind you when you have your metric shit ton of coupons, just give a little heads up. Not that it would have mattered for us, since the store only keeps one register open late at night.


Fuzzy Bats

A few nights ago my fiancée and I were doing our grocery shopping.  While in the parking lot we paused for a bit of conversation and she saw something curious: A giant bat fall from the sky and slam into the asphalt.

We got out to investigate and found it wasn’t a giant bat…it was two small bats who were connected to each other.  They were mating.  Never having seen a pair of mating bats, we stopped to watch in a strangely voyeuristic fashion.

We watched the bat on top, presumably the male, feverishly pounding the bat on bottom, presumably the female, all while biting her back and pulling on her eyes, ears, and jaw.  And after a few moments we came the same natural conclusion, “I wonder what bats feel like when you pet them?”

We squared off on either sides of the mating bats and watched them even more closely and I offered to let my fiancée pet the one on top.  She fretted over it, “I don’t know how clean bats are.”

“I have hand sanitizer in the van,” I assured, “Plus we can wash our hands once we get inside, if you want.”

“What if he bites?” she continued to fret, pulling her hand back just before making contact.

“I don’t think he even realizes we’re here,” I admitted, “But I’ll go first, just in case.”

I reached out slowly, careful not to startle the creatures, and ran my finger down the top bat’s head and back.  Amazed by the feeling, I exclaimed, “He’s fuzzy!  It’s like petting velvet!”

Unable to hold back any longer, my fiancée reached out and rubbed his head as well, “Oh my god…bats are so soft and fuzzy; you’re right, its like they’re coated in velvet.”

We each petted him a few more times, to which he gave no response other than to continue to viciously ravish the female bat underneath him, before deciding to let him finish his business.

We rubbed our hands down in sanitizer then went into the grocery store, walking away with a new request from my loving fiancée, “Can we get a pet bat?”

I was at a loss, but I did make a counter offer, “I could just buy you a strip of velvet and you can pet that all day long.”

“I wonder how you take care of a bat?” She was in her own conversation now, and I just went on with my business, “Is it anything like a bird?”

“Sure, Hon…hey you want any green peppers this trip?”


I wonder if batman’s cape is velvety, too?