Tekko 2014 Review: Day 1 (Part 2)

Last time on DickJutsu.com!


Bla, blah, blah.... DickJutsu.com!

Bla, blah, blah…. DickJutsu.com!

Moving on we had the Anime Horrors panel which had a few tech hiccups and started awfully late. I’m still not sure what the panel was really about, they basically just showed one episode of an anime wherein a bunch of school kids summon malevolent spirits then get separated. Two of them find each other and then decide to separate again…because they are stoopeed.

Then one of them dies, while the other watches and…well…kind of accidentally helps her die. Anywho it was a pretty messed up anime. It’s one of those things that’s kind of hard to explain unless you’ve seen it. Actually it’s kind of hard to explain, even if you’d have been sitting next to us watching it.

So then we made our way to a panel titled “5 Anime You Pretend to Know, But Actually Know Nothing About”. They talked about Sailor Moon, Yu-Gi-Oh, Trigun, Madohka Magica, and Afro Samurai. It was definitely an interesting panel and was very informative, although I have to say that the Trigun section was a little lacking in flesh-out-ed-ness…err, whatever the hell word I’m grasping for. It wasn’t fleshed out well. I’m not sure if they were being clueless about it for humor, or if they really didn’t understand the plot, but they claimed a few things were unexplained in the series…which were totally explained, openly.

And we finished off the first night with a trip into the Bad Fanfiction panel. It was a group read project where a group of people were brought up and made to ‘popcorn’ read an excerpt from a handful of poorly written fanfictions.

In case you aren’t aware, fan fiction is…well, a story written about another piece of literature or a movie or TV show, generally written by, y’know…fans. It’s kind of self-explanatory, really. Of course the difference is that in America it’s generally crap and looked down upon. Well it’s looked down upon because a lot of it is crap. But in Japan it’s called Doujinshi and often times if it is done well, it will be honored by the producer of the original media.

As an example there was a Street Fighter fan fiction about two young kung fu fighters named Yun and Yang. The original producers of Street Fighter liked the story and lo and behold…Yun and Yang are playable characters in Street Fighter III.

Of course, we read a bit of Twilight fanfiction there, too. Twilight Fanfiction, in case you were curious, is proof that not all double negatives create a positive experience. Like they say, two wrongs don’t make good writing; or y’know, however it goes.

The particular Twilight fanfiction was called Master of the Universe, written by a writer going by the name “Snowqueen’s Icedragon”. Eventually she rewrote the fanfiction by changing the setting and altering the characters’ names and back story; then got it published, under the name E.L. James and Master of the Universe changed into 50 Shades of Grey.

Which gives me tons of hope to get published, because that drivel of a drivel is a Best Seller.

50 Shades of Whutt?

50 Shades of Whutt?

And that was the end of Day 1. Friday was more than over and we made our way home where we sacked the hell out in preparation for Day 2, Saturday. Sure to have more people around; but would it have more crap to deal with or did the Tekko folks fix everything? Come on by again tomorrow for part two–err, right, part three now because I was long-winded on day one. So yeah, come on by tomorrow to see if everything went perfectly smoothly or if anything went to hell.


Of course something went to hell, what kind of reviews do you think I write here? Psh!

Twilight Conclusion?

And the conclusion to our anti-Twilight message!  For those of you not keeping up with us through the Holiday Break, here are parts One, Two, and Three!


Definately a better love story than Twilight!

1325298016-94387 417102_289818804422587_211186565619145_741141_125770487_n 562918_348149671888876_155009564536222_862084_2048138246_n 551188_3669748031867_1519858111_33236379_78269721_n castaway 560439_335400943192928_311907642208925_866276_682892078_n 564307_346753608715974_552851238_n 315403_369752959762543_605291359_n


Twilight Actress?

Just so that we don’t get more posts about Twilight than they’ve movies of it, we’ll do lambasting of Kristen Stewart’s acting prowess…or lack thereof here and then finish it up next week with our last post on the topic.  If you haven’t been keeping up with us, here’s the first and second posts on the subject.


This puppu is a more fearsome vampire than Bella Swan in the last movie.

what the hell is wrong with me

Y’know if she had that facial expression the whole time, it would be a totally different tone for the movies.

demotivational-posters-untitled6 425146_367231669972959_205344452828349_1364952_2055777642_n 425249_387087267970413_100000074286675_1490315_1045474820_n blush 554626_366792350041355_446675125_n 36bc09d968ba92a30634c59982bfb9 576851_535312763161410_1487545087_n 68359_557888824240575_662969716_n


Twilight Movies?

In case you missed our last talk of the Twilight books’ message, we are going to talk briefly about the Twilight movies, today.  And by briefly I clearly mean this is a Photopost!!  I’ve heard that Stephanie Meyers is considering writing a fifth book and therefore creating a need for a sixth movie.  I sincerely hope she’s lying, or kidding.  But either way, let’s get to lambasting the movies!!

My Fiance might actually watch that movie!

My Fiance might actually watch that movie!

Call now and get a 'Restraining Order' brand vampire repellant!

Call now and get a ‘Restraining Order’ brand vampire repellant!

Some people are probably fapping to this right now...

Some people are probably fapping to this right now…

To be fair, that IS a bad-ass puppet.

To be fair, that IS a bad-ass puppet.

Remove the love triangle from the movie Threesome and it's about a trio of college students who don't ever study.

Remove the love triangle from the movie Threesome and it’s about a trio of college students who don’t ever study.

So true...

So true…

That's pretty gay, right there.

That’s pretty gay, right there.

Fair enough.  Sorry.

Fair enough. Sorry.



Thanks to Twilight I suddenly have respect for Tom Cruise's acting.  Yeck!

Thanks to Twilight I suddenly have respect for Tom Cruise’s acting. Yeck!

That would make a great prequel!  If only to retcon the actual books.

That would make a great prequel! If only to retcon the actual books.

That’s all for today!  Next time we’ll make fun of Kristen Stewart, herself!  But first we’ll take a break to talk about the New Year, how’s that?


Twilight Books?

I’m sure some of you have heard about Stephanie Meyers’ Twilight series of books.  I’m sure of this because they are some of the highest grossing movies in the last decade, and some of the best-selling books in the last century.  I’m glad that young girls are moved to actually read something besides Facebook and Cosmopolitan for once, but they certainly could have picked something a little better than Stephanie Meyers; really.

Let’s start with the subject matter: Vampires

Ms. Meyers has admitted she wrote the book without actually even knowing the basics of vampire lore.  She just knew that vampires drank human blood and that they didn’t go out into the sunlight.  She naturally figured the sunlgiht thing must be because they live amongst us and sunlight makes them sparkle and gives away their true form as a vampire.  Except that, since this isn’t the real lore, everyone would just think that Edward (the main male protaganist for those who aren’t familiar, y’know both of you) was wearing glittery concealer.  The real lore is that sunlight kills vampires.

Now I’m not one to bat down someone’s attempt to go against the grain, like making Dwarves as tall as regular humans and lithe like elves (especially since the tiny gnomish Dwarves of Tolkien are actually a Meyers Dwarf, since Dwarves in actual Nordic tradition were usually just dark-skinned elves or the like).  But if you’re going to use something readily available inmost peoples’ vocabulary of common lore, you should stay a little more truthful to the source, I think.  If you’re setting your story in a Tokien-like universe, don’t make tall, lithe dwarves.

At one point Bella (the main female protagonist, for you two, again) uses her knowledge of vampire lore to determine that Edward is, in fact, a vampire.  This means that vampire lore exists in this world, which makes it somewhat Meta.  Look at most Zombie movies.  Before the zombies started showing up, they didn’t exist in that world.  Only a few zombie movies are Meta, in that zombie stories existed when the zombies appeared.

It doesn’t help that the books were written by such an untalented writer.  I don’t think I can sum it up any better than Stephen King, himself:

“The real difference is that [J.K.] Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can’t write worth a darn.  She’s not very good.”

Another good one by Stephen King is about the message of Twilight, compared to Harry Potter:


Except that the quote was actually made by Andrew Futral, not Stephen King; or maybe by Robin Browne…hell I don’t know anymore.  Either way it’s a good quote!

As if the books weren’t bad enough with their sub-par writing and piss-poor message, we add in the ham-handed movies with piss-poor acting, too.  So in the net few sessions we’ll be skewering the Twilight series.  Message, acting, everything.  Today we’ll concentrate on the message with a bit of a Photopost…

I"ll just read my own book, thank you.

I”ll just read my own book, thank you.

And you know I don't often have good things to say about Disney!

And you know I don’t often have good things to say about Disney!



Can't blame him, I suppose.

Jail-bait bitches be trippin’, yo!

Finally!  A good use for the book.

Finally! A good use for the book.

So that's what that movie was all about?  Makes sense now.

So that’s what that movie was all about? Makes sense now.

My fiance thinks this would actually make Twilight semi-readable.

My fiance thinks this would actually make Twilight semi-readable.

RIP, Jerry Nelson!

RIP, Jerry Nelson!

Seems legit.

Seems legit.

Next time we’ll go into more detail about the movie…


Although if you want to watch the movie before our next session, try this fancy drinking game:


Photopost: Strong Women

It might be because of the way I was raised, or perhaps I’ve just always fancied women this way, but I enjoy stories and pictorials involving strong women.  A lot of my stories involve women of strength, both physically and mentally.

My primary WIP (work in progress) involves two strong women, who are oath-sisters, and each are the opposite of the spectrum in strengths.  Cimei is beautiful, with the perfect frame, and is well-educated and intelligent.  Her younger oath-sister, Chunli, was a street urchin who has no formal education, but is a ferocious and dedicated warrior.

Another WIP is an anthology of short stories about a valkyrie as she hunts for noble warriors to induct as Einherjar.  Yet another project I’m working on has the main character’s love interest as a falconer’s daughter who is deadly with a knife and has a trained attack hawk.

So, since I missed so many updates (blame Firefly and 2K Games for releasing the Stronghold Collection for $20 =D ), here’s a big ‘ol Photopost to make up for it.  This one involves Strong Women.  They might not all be Demotivational Posters or anything, but they’re just pictures I’ve found that exemplify strong women in some manner.  Whether in looks, attitude, physical power, or intellect.  Credit to artists when I actually know who it is that made it.  BTW, if anything I post up is made by you…send me an e-mail and I’ll credit you, no problems.

Firstly, we’ll hit upon the sexually powerful women.

For those with a sexually sadistic bent.

My fiance really likes this one; I wonder why?

Now that's a punishment I could get really behind...or under, as the case may be.

Next we’ll hit upon the physically strong women.

So true...

You know…some men still think that a woman belongs in the kitchen.  Making sandwiches of all things.  Imagine that…

So much for that whole 'bare foot and pregnant' idea; huh buddy?

And for the gamers, we have a female version of the Uncharted series’ protagonist, Nathan Drake.

Uncharted + Menstration = Tomb Raider

For those that like anime, Fullmetal Alchemist’s Marta was a pretty good example of a strong woman.  She was steadfast, loyal, and determined; not to mention strong and…uhh…flexible.  So here’s a pretty awesome cosplayer of Marta.

I wonder how limber she is?

And finally a reminder that not all writers value strong women and that when I finally get off my ass and finish something to get it published that you should immediately rush out and buy my work (shameless plug) to support strong-women friendly writers. =D

My stories all lack in these kind of characters. And I'm happy about that.


BTW, until I’m publshed buy the Stronghold Collection if you like city building games and/or RTS games.  So far I’m happy with my purchase.

Free lessons in Dickjutsu by e-maill. Or if you don't get the joke, it's the subscription button.