January Dick of the Month: Goshen Hospital Nurses

The job of a nurse is to care for and aid sick people in hospitals, clinics, and even home care.  If I was a hospital administrator and hiring new nurses I’d have the following requirements:

They must be knowledgeable, friendly, hard working and…hmm what else might a nurse need?  Oh yeah…decent health!

Many of the people in hospitals have compromised immune systems and the flu happens to be the number one, among vaccine-preventable diseases, killer of hospital patients.  A nurse with the flu could conceivably cause numerous deaths among hospital patients.

So when IU Health Goshen Hospital in Indiana instituted mandatory flu shots for all physicians, nurses, volunteers, and even vendors, it showed that they really cared about not endangering their patients’ lives.  Even if, I’m sure, it was just because killing your patients is bad PR for hospitals.

So when 8 holdouts refused to get the shots, Goshen Hospital fired them.  And then a few of them sued Goshen, because they claimed that getting flu vaccinations was against their religion.  And I quote…

“We all have different faith walks,” said [Joyce] Gingerich, who describes herself as a nondenominational Christian. “I feel like in my personal faith walk, I have felt instructed not to get a flu vaccination, but it’s also the whole matter of the right to choose what I put in my body and what I feel God wants me to put in versus someone mandating what I put in. It is a very big issue for me.”

I don’t really remember the bible saying anything about Jesus hating vaccinations.  Figs, yes, maybe even Pontius Pilate and Judas Iscariot for obvious reasons, but nothing to my knowledge about vaccinations.  I’m sure if they had influenza vaccinations in Jesus’ time, back when influenza could become a pretty deadly epidemic, he would have most likely supported it.

But that brings up another issue.  These nurses are endangering the lives of patients over superstitious beliefs.  It’s one thing to be a Christian nurse and pray for a patient, it’s another thing entirely to denounce medical science and put a patient’s life at risk.

Personally I’m glad they got fired, they probably weren’t very good nurses if they let their religion win out over medical science.  Another of the religo-freaks at Goshen is this chick:

[Sue] Schrock said she believes people can stay healthy by taking natural vitamins, eating well and exercising, and they don’t need to get a flu shot.

“I’m a pretty quiet, spiritual person, and for me, it was a big decision, but it was something that was very meaningful for me not to have in my body,” she said.

Yeah, totally.  You’re knee deep in sick and dead people, but taking a multi-vitamin will keep you impenetrable to disease?  Stupid people.  Here’s another quote by Schrock:

“I just learned more and more about natural healing,” she said. “We’ve been using natural products for a good 20 years, and that’s the way we believe healing takes place.”

For stupidly ignoring medical science and endangering your patients…and then for suing for the right to murder your patients by infliction of disease, you Religo-Freak Nurses of IU Health Goshen Hospital are the January Dick(s) of the Month!

~RCS

Catching Up to DotM.

I just realized how far behind on the Dick of the Month posts I am.  I am working to fix that issue and you can expect…January?  Holy crap, I am far behind!

So, yeah, you can expect January’s DotM tomorrow, early afternoon.

Thanks for your patience.

~RCS

Stupid Reviews

For those who have been following along for a while you know that I write reviews for games, movies, books, whatever I can weasel material from.  Well, that’s one thing I do, at least.  But you also probably know that I don’t use a regular critic’s format; and that is because I’m not a professional critical journalist.

However even so, I want my opinion to be respected as well thought out, at least.  As such I give at least a rudimentary spell-check and typo hunt of each review I write.  I also try to sound like I have some idea of what I’m talking about and I try to be properly critical of the source material I am critiquing.

So why the hell are there people who write reviews about things they have no idea about, or in languages they clearly cannot speak?  Take this person writing a review for PS3 game Valkyria Chronicles (2008)*:

Okay, they’re being critical of the game and accidentally used ‘shoots’ instead of ‘shots’.  That’s a typo, you should still value their opini-oh damn.

Yeah, nevermind; they’re just illiterate fools.  Then we seal the coffin with this remark on a 1/5 rating for Valkyria Chronicles, a turn-based strategy RPG (Role-Playing Game):

Another comment on the same game, also a 1/5 (keep in mind there are 5 one-star ratings compared to 254 five-star ratings and they all start out with, “How can anyone like this horrible game?”)

Yeah, not only do they have poor grammar, but they’re reviewing a 2-year-old game at that point.  I read their review title and skipped the review.  For sport I went back and actually read it…they cite a few great things about the game saying that the graphics were good and the voice acting is superb.  But they gave it a 1/5 because the story is linear…even after admitting that is pretty standard in this genre of games.  Yup, your opinion is as faulty as your grammar.

Then we just have idiots who shouldn’t review anything, at all.  This is another 1 out of 5 star rater for Valkyria Chronicles:

So if we ignore the fact that she’s reviewing a five-year-old game, since she doesn’t criticize the graphics or anything like that.  No, she says that the game was touted as a benign RPG, but had ‘children’ shooting guns and throwing grenades.

This is the box the game came in:

Yup, looks pretty benign to me; certainly no guns in this game.

Keep in mind that the game is a fantasy retelling of World War II; y’know, if Switzerland had huge oil reserves and was invaded by the Axis powers.  Also keep in mind that these ‘children’, at least the main two characters, are 24 and 21 at the start of the game.  So if we assume the game lasts the same timeline as the real war, they’d be the pubescent age of…32 and 29 by the end of the game.  Whoo!  Kids these days, getting’ drafted into World War II and shit, y’know?

*Note: I have not played Valkyria Chronicles, so I am not defending the quality of the game or writing my own review out of any bias for or against the game.  I recognize and readily admit I have no place reviewing it, given the fact I’ve only played the demo.  And even that was 5 years ago when it was first released.

Need more examples of stupid people writing reviews?  Try this reviewer for the somewhat similar X-Box Game, Operation Darkness (2008):

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s part of the game’s strategy, not a game-breaking flaw.  Game-breaking flaws would be if you had unlimited healing items, but weren’t able to use them in combat.  Strategy is, “Harumph!  I’ve only got six inventory slots, but I have ten possible items to take, which six should I choose?”  Schmuck!

Or we can move to a game I’ve actually played, and look at some of the 1/5 star ratings for Batman: Arkham Asylum (2009):

I’m…not even sure what the hell he’s saying.  No support for the continuation of the game?  This is a review written 4 years after the game came out.  What did he expect from a four-year-old game?  A sequel?

And this one is hilarious:

Without going into too much detail if you haven’t played the game…at one point the villain Scarecrow kind of breaks the 4^th wall and makes you think your system has crashed.  If you stick with it, it will recover (kind of like the tricks in Metal Gear Solid or Eternal Darkness).  His game works fine, but he’s been shutting it off during that fight, I can almost guarantee it.  Developers 1; Player 0.

Speaking of Batman, here’s a reference to the Arkham games in this 1/5 star review for the new highly acclaimed PS3 game The Last of Us (2013):

What did you expect from a guy named Rapister?

Aside from the ego, this guy is clearly an idiot.  Arkham Asylum is the first in the Arkham series, Arkham City is the sequel; if you wanted more of Arkham Asylum you would play Arkham City, not the other way around.

Not to mention the horrible grammar and syntax on another “five-star review”.  Douche.

And finally, here’s a rambling review about how some weirdo can’t relate to the characters in The Last of Us:

Dafuq?

Yeah, his grandfather saw terrible things in Vietnam, I have no doubt of that.  But he saw worse things than the zombie apocalypse?  Debatable.  His grandfather fought communist Asian people, the folks in The Last of Us are fighting deformed monsters and zombies on top of the regular post-apocalyptic psychotic people.

Not to mention, just plain TMI!  You can’t relate to these characters because they’re sensible and normal and you are descended from some real idiots.  Your grandfather got his head stuck in AC unit?  Your father was a great chef, who chopped his finger off and couldn’t cook anymore?  Why do I care what kind of pie your father made your grandfather when he came home from Vietnam?

The whole rambling, shambling thing is just a ridiculous, ‘Look at how terrible my life is!’ diatribe.  Except that the guy’s life really wasn’t all that bad.  His grandfather survived Vietnam, his father was able to afford Chef’s training, they could afford AC in the Vietnam war era; sounds pretty decent to me.  Whines a lot about being Native American, too.  Yes the Native Americans got screwed over pretty bad, but that’s no excuse to whine like an Emo sod about how your whole life is worse than the zombie apocalypse.

~RCS

As a note I looked through the 1/5 star ratings each time, because they have the best examples idiots.

Goodbye Gandolfini

As I’m sure you’ve probably all heard by now, James Gandolfini has died.  The presumption right now is heart attack after becoming ill on vacation in Italy.  Gandolfini is most famous for playing Tony Soprano on the HBO drama, The Sopranos.  I know him more, however, as Colonel Winters, the villain from one of my favorite movies: The Last Castle.

He called himself a 260 lb Woody Allen.

He was a good actor and judging from the anecdotes and stories from Larry King about him last night on CNN, he seemed like a pretty cool guy.

So in honor of a great actor, here is some interesting trivia, thanks to the awesome website IMDB:

-Gandolfini could play both the Trumpet and the Saxophone.

-Gandolfini helped a woman who was being mugged on the streets of New York City in 2001.

-Used to work as a bartender in Manhattan before making it as an actor; also worked as a bouncer.

 

Condolences to his family, especially since he’s got a teenager and a 1-year-old.  He was a good actor in the prime of his career.

~RCS

Don’t Judge A Butch By Its Cover?

I’ve begun watching a particular Youtuber lately, her name is Hart and her username is Hartbeat…which is nifty.  But this video is the whole reason why I’ve started watching her:

I’ve watched at least one other one where she gets naked.  She compares herself to Jenna Marbles, another Youtuber.  Personally I’d rather have a romp with Hart, to be honest; you know, if I was single and she wasn’t a lesbian.  Yeah, if I weren’t married and she weren’t gay I would totally tag that err, put the moves on err, watch from the other side of the room like the little pussy I am err, feebly try to date her.

CLOSE ENOUGH!!

Screw it, we’ll go with that.

Just watch her videos, she’s hilarious.

~RCS

Telltale Humble Bundle: Poker Night at the Inventory!

I got the Telltale humble bundle recently and the first game I played was Poker Night at the Inventory.  It’s a Texas Hold’Em style poker game where you play against 5 fictional celebrities, namely Max from Sam & Max, Strong Bad from Homestar Runner, The Heavy from Team Fortress 2, and Tycho from Penny Arcade.

That last one is extra funny because Tycho is in the game and one of the two charities you can donate your purchase amount to is Child’s Play, which was founded and is run by the folks from Penny Arcade.

But anyway, it’s a pretty interesting game if you’re into any of those series or sources and like poker, I highly recommend it.  And of course I suggest it because it’s the Humble Bundle so you can name your own price and get things for ridiculously cheap, or ridiculously expensive…depending on what you want to spend, yourselves.  You can also adjust how much of your price goes to the developer(s), the charities, and to the folks who keep Humble Bundles going.

Anyway, this is my story of the first time I played Poker Night at the Inventory (unfortunately I played it on the Laptop, so I’ve got no screenshots or game footage, sorry).

I watched the opening and started up a game of poker.  The opening hand I had a pretty good go, two pair on the flop.  Tycho went all-in and I called…he had three of a kind, I had two pair.  So Tycho was out in the first hand.

I won the next two hands and Strong Bad went all in on a hand where I had a Queen and a nine with King, Jack, and four on the table.  They threw down a ten; just what I needed to win!  Strong Bad had two pair, I had a straight and I took him out of the game.  Both Max and The Heavy were already under $5,00 left.

Max and I both went toe to in the next hand and we wound up with the exact same hand, which was hilarious because he spouts off something to the effect of, “We’ve got the same cards?  That’s amazing, that means you’re as insane as I am!”

Two hands later I had him out of the game and it was down to the Heavy and I.  We went back and forth a few times before I finally dogged him out and won the game, a total of 16 hands played.

Not a bad day, since it meant I’d just made $40,000 profit in the game.  I wish I could make that kind of money in real life.

~RCS

Anybody want to make a bet?

 

 

 

Seriously though, go buy that Humble Bundle…only 3 more days and a handful of hours, as of this post to get it!!

Random Jokes for June 1st!

I really have no ideas for a blog topic right now.  So here are some random jokes to titillate yourself with.  Keep in mind, as with any of my other humor pieces, if you are sensitive to certain topics you should probably not be on a site called Dickjutsu.com, period.  That being said, enjoy the debauchery of my jokeness.

1.) Stupid Hunters

Two hunters are walking through the woods when one suddenly collapses, eyes glazed over and not breathing.  The other hunter whips out his cell phone and calls emergency services saying, “Help!  My buddy just collapsed in the woods while we were hunting, he’s not breathing and I think he’s dead!”

The operator replies, “Just calm down sir, first we need to make sure he’s not breathing.  Can you make sure he’s dead?”

“Yes one moment,” said the hunter tearily and he sat down the phone.  A moment later a gunshot echoed over the phone line and shortly thereafter the hunter got back on the line and sobbed, “Okay, he’s definitely dead…now what do I do?”

2.) Supplies!!

Three men walk into a construction site’s command trailer and speak to the foreman.  Each one asks for a job, one of them is a stalwart German, the other a plucky Italian, and the third is a lanky Japanese man.  First the foreman looks over the German and says, “You’re big and strong, I could definitely use you to lay bricks.  Go to the wall and start laying bricks for me.”

“Breecks, got eet!” The German leaves and the foreman looks the Italian over, “You look like you’ve got good hands and can run a shovel and a wheelbarrow, start mixing cement for the wall.”

“Sure, I’ll mix-a the cement-a!” The Italian leaves and finally the foreman looks the scrawny Japanese man up and down and sighs, “I don’t really know what I can do with you, but I guess I can use you.  Go to the depot, you’re in charge of supplies.”

Without saying a word the Japanese man smiles and bows, rushing out the door to get to work.  After about an hour of work the Italian shows up at the wall and speaks to the German, “Hey-a, my friend…how are things-a comin’ along-a?”

“Not bad, not bad…but I am runnink out of breecks,” admitted the German, “And I need more sement, too.”

“Yeah, I ran out-a concrete mix about-a ten a-minutes ago,” admitted the Italian, “Where do you think-a that little Asian guy got-a off to?”

“Let’s look for heem!” proposes the German and they both go toward the depot.  When they enter it there are stacks upon stacks of bricks, tall enough they can’t peer over them.  The German groans, “Dees are my breecks, why did he not brink them to mee?”

They walk a little further and round a corner to find bags of cement mix stacked taller than they are, “An’ these!  These are the bags of-a cement I need-a!”

They continue deeper into the maze of bricks, cement, pipes, and barrels when suddenly the little Japanese man runs out swinging a pipe and throwing confetti as he yells, “Supplies!  Supplies!!”

3.) Another Engrish Joke…

A Japanese man was looking over the cooking utensils in a store when a female employee walked over to him and asked if she could help.  He only shrugged and asked, “Do you have any smarrer pans?”

“A small pan?  Why do you need a small pan?”

“My friends are too busy with their famiries to hang out tonight,” he picked up a single-egg cooking pan and shrugged, “So I’m frying soro tonight.”

4.) Can You Smell What The Scissors Are Cutting?

Everyone knows who Dwayne The Rock Johnson is, right?  He’s this guy:

That’s one badass stone!

As you know he was a Wrestler and he’s acted in several movies as an all-around badass.  So can anyone off the top of their head name one opponent of The Rock’s who will defeat 100% of the time?

.

.

.

.

.

That’s right…The Paper!

Oh my…that one was cheesy, even for me.

5.) Mirror, Mirror on the Wall!

Q. What did the man say when asked if he wanted a job as a mirror inspector?

A. “That’s certainly a job I could see myself in!”

6.) Cooking Jokes…

Q. What do you call an attorney who cooks?

A. A Sues Chef.

Q. Why do Chefs always use natural butter?

A. Smaller margarine for error.

Okay, okay…I’m done for now.  Enjoy your Saturday, or whatever day you manage to read this on!

~RCS

I know, I know…my jokes are like a sick bird.  They should Ill-Eagle!